Here's the Shanghai business I was working on before I had to set it aside for a deadline. You'll note a few gaps as I skipped around, but I hope it's useful if there's still time to incorporate it.
Not the Lovecraft quote, but the precis below it: omit the comma after “against evil.”
In the sidebar, omit the comma after “1920s period.”
At the end of the first graph, the use of a semicolon rather than a comma to introduce “deep one hybrids” should be a comma.
As an aside, too many parenthetical notes can cause speedbumps rather than aids to reading. Generally, I would suggest you use them more sparingly.
In the first graph, omit the comma after “September 1924.”
Demote the semicolon to a comma after “Carlyle Expedition dead.”
Change “which” to “that” after “a fact.”
In the second graph, either omit the comma after “sanitarium” or add “he” before “strenuously.”
Speaking of “strenuously,” it seems an odd adverb to apply to “avoids.” Perhaps “strictly” or “conscientiously” would be more appropriate.
Column 2, graph 3, change “towards” to “toward.”
In the next graph, revise the punctuation: “One final if difficult-to-decipher clue could lead…”
After The Carlyle Expedition in Shanghai, omit the comma after “Gray Dragon Island.”
Add a comma after “Great Race in Australia.”
Love the maps. The old ones were fine, but these are lovely.
Graph 3, omit the comma after “error of some sort).”
In the last graph, add a comma after “Australian Oriental Line’s ships.”
In graph one, add a comma after “i.e.”
Remove the comma after “although” in “although, kind Keepers.”
Next graph, change “realms of possibility” to “realm of possibility.”
Next graph, change “which had ruled” to “that had ruled.”
First graph, move the modifiers: “...could be tried only under…” “…whether or not their crimes were committed in the concessions.”
Under The People, please change that “etc.” to “and so on.”
In the last graph of column 1, please revise that first sentence for clarity by keeping the such/that clause tight: “As a result of several disastrous wars with foreign powers, the collapse of the Ching (Qing) Dynasty, and the rise of the warlords, China’s economy by the 1920s was in such ruin that foreigners of even moderate income could afford opulent possessions and princely living conditions.”
First graph, hyphenate “sought-after.”
In the Green Gang sidebar, second graph, move the modifier: “…the Green Gang could make either a valuable ally…”
Under The Political Climate, first graph, add a word: “Now that the war is over, renewed…”
In the second column, first graph, add a third period to the ellipsis and omit the full stop after “Where is…?”
In the next graph, change “at an absolute pinch” to “in a pinch” to make it more idiomatic to North American usage.
The rest of that sentence has a distant pronoun, so I’d suggest revising the final phrase: “…to convey the intended message.”
In the Compradors sidebar, change “amongst” to “among.”
Same graph, hyphenate “number-one.”
In the second graph, omit the comma after “humble comprador.”
In the second graph under Li Wen-Cheng, omit the comma after “without family.”
Under Weather, omit the comma after “wettest time of year.”
First graph, omit a comma and the word “equipped” after “female humanoid.”
Second column, first graph, rather than “miss words out” you might want the more idiomatic “leave words out.”
In the following graph, enclose “quite literally” in parentheses to complete the parallel joke established in the previous parentheses.
The line return after Isoge Taro, 34, looks peculiar. Consider leaving at least “undercover agent” on that first line before the return.
In the first graph, omit the comma after “last two months undercover” or else add “he” before “has recruited.”
In the fourth graph, omit the word “themselves” to avoid an unnecessary nouns-pronoun disagreement.
In the first full graph under Lin Yenyu, demote the semicolon after “share their secrets to a comma” or change it to an em-dash. Alternatively, revise the phrase after the semicolon to an independent clause.
Under EXTENDING THE CAMPAIGN, change the question mark to a full stop after “Perhaps the story continues.”
“Put paid” is an unfamiliar expression to most North American readers.
Final graph, omit the comma after “in his lifetime.”
Likewise after “an old man.”
Under Revenge Most Foul, lowercase “high priest” after the colon.
Column 2, graph 2, omit the comma after “rituals of the Order of the Bloated Woman.”