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Masks of Nyarlathotep - Errors Thread


Mike M

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33 minutes ago, trystero said:

I've found a few sources online claiming that this is the abbreviation for Knight Commander of the Order of the British Empire, but that's bunk; the proper abbreviation for that honour would be KBE.

So I'm guessing that it's a garbled mix of KCB (Knight Commander of the Order of the Bath, as you've noted) and GCB (Knight Grand Cross of the Order of the Bath). I agree that removing the "G" is the easiest fix.

Agreed. I kept getting references for KBE as well, but that didn't seem right. The only reason I didn't suggest the GCB was because not only was it missing the K, but the G and C were transposed. Oddly enough, I did get a couple order-appearing Google hits for K.C.G.B. with no definition so it made me wonder if it's a defunct order. I even looked for Q.C.G.B. in case it had been updated for Queen instead of King. I'm pretty sure it's not referring to the Kennel Club of Great Britain though. ;)

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Page 477 - CANNING STOCK ROUTE

"Using dubious methods in employing the knowledge of local Aboriginial Australians, Canning located a series waterholes, and between 1908 and 1910 converted these into wells (each identified by a number)."

Missing the preposition "of", as in "Canning located a series of waterholes"

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Page 490 - A portion of the city map and Page 493 - Beyond the Bottomless Shaft

The entry on page 493, Beyond the Bottomless Shaft, seems to be referring to the pathway that goes past the The Shaft Into Darkness and towards the electrical generator and areas explored by the cultists. However, on the accompanying map, the Beyond the Bottomless Shaft area is clearly going away from the cultist activity in a north-east direction, and not the expected west direction.

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Page 494 - Line Walker

"Each day, the next one of the seven generators is stopped for servicing and adjustment (thus, the lights may go out for while, leaving the investigators in the dark for 1D4 hours); otherwise,  the generators are kept running constantly."

There are actually nine generators shown on the map.

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Page 500 - The Chronometer

"Keeper note: the chronometer is the same make and model as those found in Omar al-Shakti’s home (A Dangerous Man, page 344, Egypt), in the basement at Ju-Ju House (Items Within M’Dari’s Alcove, page 157, America), and Sir Aubrey’s lair on Gray Dragon Island (Sir Aubrey’s Workshop, page 590, China)."

This paragraph should also reference the chronometers at Gavigan's estate (Misr House, page 273, England), and M'Weru's lair (The Cavern of M'Weru, page 430, Kenya).

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I had a little breather between turning over my last gig and starting the next, so I did a little more proofing. I'll probably jump ahead to Shanghai, so if you're joining us in this quest, please consider focusing on the middle chapters first.

 

Page 153

In graph 3, hyphenate “tried-and-tested.”

“Put the frighteners on” is a uniquely British idiom. I believe most North American readers will understand the slang in context, even if it is a bit of a speedbump, but if you want a more North American idiom, you might use “put the fear of God into them.”

Column 2, graph one, omit the comma after “speak with him.”

Omit another one after “as subtly as possible.”

Graph 4, omit the comma after “early days.” Incidentally, “early days” is another of those British expressions that won’t sound natural to most North American ears, although most readers will suss it out by context.

Omit the comma after “Ju-Ju House.”

 

Page 154

Under Asking the Locals, and only if you care to tighten the kerning, change “that mentioned by Millie Adams” to “the one mentioned by Millie Adams.”

Column 2, at the end of the keeper note, omit “or not” at the end of the sentence. (The reason for this is twofold: it’s redundant to “regardless,” and it’s more elegant, when needed, as part of the unified phrase, “whether or not.”

Under The Pawnshop, either omit the first comma or add a second “if” before “the investigators prefer.”

This paragraph looks awfully tight, and that final pair of clauses aren’t parallel. I suggest this revision:

If talking to the tenement residents isn’t working, or if the investigators prefer to observe for themselves, they have two options: they can find a convenient window from which to watch (the tenants say nothing as long as the investigators aren’t disruptive or obviously doing something to attract adverse attention), or they can attempt to use the abandoned pawn shop as a base from which to spy on Ju-Ju House.

In the next graph, after the parentheses, add a full stop and start a new sentence: “Because the entrance is on the main street, any noisy…”

In the penultimate graph, revise: “N’Kwane is informed immediately, and he passes…”

Much as I dislike the singular “they,” it’s consistent and clear in the final graph. If it ends up being the only one in the book, you might consider changing it. Otherwise, it works and doesn’t need fixing.

 

Page 155

In the second graph, omit the comma after “African-Americans.”

I note with admiration the use of an en-dash in the range of minutes.

The phrase “of some description” is utterly superfluous. It’s the sort of phrase you might use in dialogue to demonstrate personality, but you never need it. It’s empty.

Hyphenate “Mythos-related.”

In the next graph, do not hyphenate “smartly-dressed.” (You needn’t hyphenate adverbs that end in -ly. Yet it would be “smart-dressed” if you wore a long beard and played fuzzy guitar.)

One doesn’t really wear a gun so much as carry it. I’d revise: “…that he is carrying a gun beneath his suit jacket.”

Make “pay-off” one word, without the hyphen: “payoff.”

Column 2, second bullet item, omit the comma after “Bloody Tongue.”

In the final parenthetical note, omit the words “this being.”

In the next graph, omit the comma after “as the target.”

Consider changing “they are alone” to “the investigator is alone.”

Consider revising the first sentence of the final graph: “If they have been inside the tiny shop, then anyone

watching dozens of cultists enter Ju-Ju House realizes that there must be a connection to another room or

a basement large enough to hold all the visitors.

 

Page 156

Revise the first graph: “Should the investigators take a more direct approach or blunder into Ju-Ju House…”

Omit the comma after “curtained.”

In the last graph of column 1, add a comma after “raises his suspicions.”

Omit the comma after “the investigators have to say.”

“Rumbles” might be a little slangy for many North American readers. (Personally, I like it and feel it’s worth the minor speed-bump.)

At the top of column 2, you’ve got a “who” that should be whom. If you want to be a stickler, like me, revise it thusly: “…to see where else they go and to whom they talk.”

The last graph before INTO THE DEPTHS looks a bit tight in the middle. Maybe delete “the” before “weekly payments” and/or change “hardly conclusive” to “not conclusive.”

After INTO THE DEPTHS, change “on” to “of” in “consists purely of one level.”

 

Page 157

Near the top of the first column, add a comma after “if this is a meeting night.” If you’re feeling elegant, use a semicolon instead, delete “but,” and add a comma after “otherwise.”

After The Basement, revise the first phrase: “The locked door at the end…”

Revise the third sentence into several: “Obtaining the key from around Silas N’Kwane’s neck is the easiest way to open the door. Otherwise, two investigators can combine their STR or SIZ against the STR 160 door, reducing the door’s STR to decrease the difficulty per Physical Human Limits, page 88, Call of Cthulhu Rulebook. Alternatively, a successful…”

Revise the penultimate sentence: “… the appropriate tools (a screwdriver, hammer, and so on).”

Under Guards of the Sacrificial Chamber, here’s my suggested revision:

Four ciimba, the Kikuyu equivalent of zombies (see Ciimba, page 173), wait in M’Dari’s alcove and watch over the chamber. M’Dari created these strong creatures to guard his treasures. All are mutilated victims of cult murders. With their intestines dangling and their foreheads incised with the cult rune, seeing them provokes a Sanity roll (0/1D8 loss). If the investigators led cultists to Millie Adams and they killed her, then she is one of the four ciimba on guard here (at the Keeper’s discretion, her presence increases the Sanity loss by +1D2 points).

In the next graph, change “whoever” to “whomever.”

Also omit the comma after “chamber.”

Change “further” to “farther.”

 

Page 157

Correct the spelling of “chronometer.”

In the second graph of column 2, you seem to be equating runes with hieroglyphs, when especially in a game like Call of Cthulhu they are distinctly different things.

Two graphs later, the same thing: runes and cuneiform aren’t the same. Perhaps instead of “runes,” use “characters” or “figures.”

Also, American standard is “gray,” not “grey.”

You can omit the comma after “warm.”

In the keeper note, revise: “…not only that the writing is Senzar, the lost language…”

On a game-elated note: Does the headband protect one who hasn’t attacked the particular nightgaunt he currently faces or any nightgaunt ever? Might be worth clarifying.

In the next keeper note, change “it is identical” to “the chronometer is identical.”

 

Page 159

In graph 1, revise the second sentence: “Dangling from the poles are leather thongs used to hold the wrists of sacrificial victims.”

Make “crow bar” one word: “crowbar.”

In the second graph after The Chakota, consider deleting “sickly” and its comma to avoid the unintentional internal rhyme and improve the rhythm.

Omit the comma after “mobile.”

At the end of graph 4, you can omit the final parentheses.

Column 2, paragraph 2, add a comma after “raised from the Chakota pit.”

Omit the comma after “with the victims.”

Add a “they” to “…in the sacrificial chamber, and they have a hard time…”

 

Page 160

Under Capturing Evidence, let’s untangle the nested parentheses with a pair of em-dashes:

Photographs of the ciimba, the sacrificial chamber, and the chakotarequiring a successful Hard Art/Craft (Photography) skill roll due to the poor lightingare also a possibility.

In the last graph of column 1, “if needs must” is a British expression. Again, not a particularly opaque one, but if you want simple clarity, consider “if he must.”

Column 1, graph one, near the end, add a comma: “…will be executed for the murders, and other cults…”

Under CONCLUSION, second sentence: “Whether or not they are successful, the investigators…”

There’s some redundancy in the sentence I’d suggest revising this way: “They may or may not have saved the life of an innocent man and brought their friend’s murderers to justice, but their lives will never be the same again.

Change “which” to “that”: “…vast conspiracy that confronts them…”

Same again later in the graph: “…fortune that their late friend…”

In the Pulp sidebar, hyphenate “far-off.”

 

Page 162

You’ve italicized ciimba earlier, so for consistency you should do so near the bottom of column 1.

 

I have not proofed the NPC and monster pages. I hope someone else will give them a look, as I suspect Dr. Mobius has done.


 

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14 hours ago, Dave said:

...

In the next graph, do not hyphenate “smartly-dressed.” (You needn’t hyphenate adverbs that end in -ly. Yet it would be “smart-dressed” if you wore a long beard and played fuzzy guitar.)

 ...

I have not proofed the NPC and monster pages. I hope someone else will give them a look, as I suspect Dr. Mobius has done.

...
 

I laughed at your "smart-dressed man" reference. ;)

Unfortunately, I've really only been very briefly scanning over the NPC and monster pages, so unless they were very glaring to me I wouldn't have caught any errors there. Except one thing that did catch my eye:

Page 513 - Gertie Wycroft, Shula Wycroft, and Janice Wycroft

It looks like the preferred combat skill for humans is Brawl, and Fighting is mostly reserved for creatures/monsters. That said, both Gertie and Shula have "Brawl" skills, yet Janice has a "Fighting (Brawl)" skill. This should be changed for consistency.

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Apparently I proofed a bit of the London chapter before I got busy. I'll post it rather than leave it in the Word doc, where I'm likely to forget it if I get busy.

 

Page 177

“London’s fog and gloom reap harrowing returns…”

“…all-but-untouchable…”

Rather than “travel to,” consider simply “visit.”

In graph 2, add a comma: “…are friendly, and its street signs…”

In column 2, second line, you don’t need the commas around “ideally,” but they aren’t wrong. For clarity and rhythm, I encourage you to omit these optional commas, as I’ve noted elsewhere when they’ve been more obstructive.

Column 2, graph two, add a comma: “…(The Safe, page 347, Egypt), and a picture of the…”

In the penultimate graph, at the end of the first line, you have an unusual straight apostrophe in lieu of the more voluptuous apostrophes used everywhere else (unless I’ve missed others). Rather than “Elias'

murder scene” it should be “Elias’ murder scene.”

 

Page 178

Third graph, add a comma: “…all the stops, and within the space…”

Column 2, graph 2, add a comma: “…about the journalist, and Elias was marked…”

 

Page 179

Graph one, optionally for a little air and for succinctness, choose “contact” or “interview” rather than “contact and interview.” If it’s truly meant to be both, then “interview does the job.” If it’s either, then “contact.” In any event, deleting one will relax the paragraph visually.

Second graph, add a comma after “make their own choices.”

Same graph, omit the comma after “horrible enough.”

In the bulleted items that follow, omit the commas after “Penhew Foundation” and “Henson Manufacturing (page 262).”

In the next graph, the phrase “at a pinch” is not idiomatic in American English, but “in a pinch” is fine.

It’s style rather than nuts and bolts, but you could make the first sentence after PULP CONSIDERATIONS more dynamic by revising “that can easily be dialed up” to “that you can easily dial up.” You use direct address often enough that the change won’t be the least bit obtrusive.

In the same graph, you could lose the parentheses and introduce that phrase with a comma instead: “…establish local tensions, which should be…”

I can understand why you might think you need a semicolon in the next graph, but since the phrase that includes a comma is the second one, it’s not necessary. A comma will do: “…usurp humanity, the other a victim…” You should even lose that following comma: “…of a curse who could pose…”

The simplest way to improve the next paragraph is with a full stop: “…An American Werewolf in London (1981). For the Chelsea Serpent, look to…”

Add a comma: “…classic horror tropes, and the Keeper…”

[Whenever you are making a choice between direct address and a passive construction like “The Keeper is advised,” the author is advised to recall that direct address is more compelling. The only good time to choose the latter is when circumstances demand a callback to the archaic style.

You don’t need quotation marks around “have at it!”

Nor do you need them around “prepared” a few graphs later.

In the second graph after FIREARMS IN THE UNITED KINGDOM, a long phrase makes the sentence a trifle difficult to parse on first scan. Maybe instead: “Officials question travelers found with firearms about their reasons for visiting…”

In the final graph, lose the commas: “Clever investigators who plan ahead may discover…”

 

Page 180

Revise punctuation and a few words for subject-verb agreement: “Shotguns are not considered firearms under British law, so they do not require firearms certificates and may be brought into the country “for hunting game” without undue red tape.” [“Officialdom” is a splendid word, but it isn’t quite right in this context unless you rephrase the sentence.]

In the Pulp sidebar, the pronoun-antecedent disagreement is easy to avoid: delete the word “their” and it makes the same sense.

 

Page 204

Why are Gavigan’s winnings expressed in dollars rather than pounds? (I suppose consistency is useful in game terms, but this expression threw me for a moment.)
 

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Page 542 - Carlyle Papers China #3

"The victims were identified as Miss Reparita Wong,"

This name seems to go against the naming conventions outlined on page 519. And since she is later referred to as "Miss Wong", the conventions on that page imply that she should be referred to as "Miss Wong Reparita".

 

 

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Page 551 - The Demon Cabinet

"Alternatively, the investigators can just try to force their way out (an Extreme STR roll; the door has STR 200, so combining investigator STR may reduce the difficulty). Failing that, a successful Locksmith roll picks the lock from the inside. Lung has the only key on his person, on the other side of the door."

"The investigators can make an escape attempt if they have smashed enough of the cabinet’s interior; otherwise, the debilitating effect of the cabinet means they can only focus on the mirrors."

These two paragraphs seem to contradict each other. Can investigators force their way out without breaking mirrors or not?

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5 hours ago, Dr Mobius said:

Page 542 - Carlyle Papers China #3

"The victims were identified as Miss Reparita Wong,"

This name seems to go against the naming conventions outlined on page 519. And since she is later referred to as "Miss Wong", the conventions on that page imply that she should be referred to as "Miss Wong Reparita".

 

 

Mike might have a different answer for this, but I believe Chinese who adopt a non-Chinese first name, like Andy Lau, John Woo, or Jackie Chan, use the European order of surname-family name. (In contrast to, say, Chow Yun-fat or Zhang Yimou.) While it's most obvious to us today in the names of film and music stars, I wouldn't be surprised to learn it's a custom dating back as far as European invasion of Hong Kong and other regions.

Any Chinese readers able to shed light on this phenomenon?

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Page 93, "Carlyle Papers The Expedition #2" is missing a colon.  Actually, there's an inconsistency throughout. With the exception of the just noted label, in Chapter 1 the colon is present in all handout captions. But the colon is missing for all handout captions in Chapter 2: "Carlyle Papers America".

Page 118, first paragraph, "...along with any others that have been..."  Replace "that" with "who"

 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Page 601 - PULP: REWARDS

"In addition, apply the following rewards or penalties to surviving investigators."

No rewards are actually listed. However, I assume as per all the previous chapters that investigators should get 1D10 Luck points.

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Page 628 - RECOVERY

"If Pulp Cthulhu, then indefinite insanity may be automatically cured without the need for a roll"

This should either be something along the lines of "If Pulp Cthulhu is being used, then indefinite insanity..." or "In Pulp Cthulhu, indefinite insanity ..."

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Page 628 - SKILLS

"For the purposes of this campaign and at the option of the Keeper, one skill might be learned or increased per investigator at the conclusion of a peaceful period of ocean travel of no less than 14 days;"

Contradicts further down "Increasing a current skill: grants +1D4 points to the skill. Two skills may be improved per journey."

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