Here and now

“When they announced to me the loss of my mother, I didn’t cry. I saw them… tired, wounded. I heard the yelling and the pleas of the fighters. I smelt their blood filling the air.  There were shit and piss too, of course, but that is the fragrance of any war, isn’t it?

I asked for a sword and a shield. I asked for revenge. I asked for murder. But the warriors refused. They said I was too young. Too young? As I moved toward them, my rightful ire against their enemies in my eyes, they retreated. Then a man I recognized as a member of my extended family grabbed me, twisting my arms and forcefully drove me to my room in the palace.

A short time later, they came, and told me the battle was lost. What a surprise! Their warriors fled from a boy from their own side, what could they do against the chaos supporters? They told me they decided to send me to Esrolia, where an unknown uncle would take care of me. That was for my good, they said... But now, I’m pretty sure they wanted to remove me from the political stage. They ordered me to pack my bag then and left me alone. I was eight years old. I had no friend, no mother, no place... I had no one and nothing. I was no one.

Then I cried and collapsed.

I cried and cried and cried, as the storm can cry in winter. I would have never ceased if not for a girl, barely older than me, but so much stronger, told me something I will never forget.  “Become a man before becoming a warrior. Become a warrior before becoming a leader. Be strong and shut up now”. I saw her eyes, her determination and her generosity. That was my cousin Leika. And I shut up.

We left Boldhome - a lot of us. When our path diverged, I turned round, and I saw her. She shouted, “become a man then fight for me!” I knew she was right, and silently I repeated her words, I will become a man, then I will fight for me."