RHW Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 (edited) A FRAGMENT FOUND IN THE NEW PAVIS LIBRARY (Date and author unknown) Argrath and Elusu prepare for a battle: ELUSU: Wa, Chief. What is the sound of a sword? ARGRATH: A metallic ping. A whoosh of wind as it swings through the air. A meaty crunch as it slices flesh and bone. Elusu shakes her head. No. Later, after the battle, women weep and the wounded scream in pain. ARGRATH: That is the sound of a sword. ELUSU: Ain’t it beautiful? ____________________________ Elusu and Argrath are deep in their cups: ELUSU: Look into the ale, Boss. Watch that bubble, rising. What do you see? ARGRATH: The World. ELUSU: Pop. Now it’s gone. ARGRATH: But look, another rises to take its place. Elusu chugs the beer then burps loudly. ELUSU: So die a thousand worlds. (Calls to the barkeep) More beer! ____________________________ Elusu and Argrath walk down a dusty road on a beautiful day. ELUSU: I am the blow that cannot be parried. I strike you dead, but you’re alone. What am I? ARGRATH: Suicide. ____________________________ Elusu takes a hit of hazia. Passes the pipe to Argrath. ELUSU: Imagine perfect Law. Perfect Order. Everything is the same. All is at rest. Nothing changes. As it was before creation. What else do we call this? ARGRATH: Primal Chaos. ELUSU: And what then causes creation? ARGRATH: More Chaos. ELUSU: Wa! Stop hogging the pipe! ____________________________ Argrath and Elusu ride a boat downstream on the River of Cradles. ELUSU: What color is the sky? ARGRATH: Today? Blue. ELUSU: What color would the sky be if I scooped out your eyes? ARGRATH: If you put out my eyes, I won’t be able to see it. ELUSU: But I'll still see it. ARGARTH: No. Because if you put out my eyes, you’ll be dead. ELUSU: Wa, if I’m dead and you’re blind, then what color is the sky? ARGRATH: There is no sky. ____________________________ Elusu and Argrath are at a tavern. ELUSU: Wa, Chief, what is this gold coin worth? ARGRATH: Twenty silvers. So… 200 horns of beer? Elusu and Argrath are lost and dying of thirst in the Wastelands. ELUSU: Wa, what is this gold coin worth now? ARGRATH: Nothing. Nearly dead, Elusu and Argrath reach an oasis. There are several Rhino Riders there. ELUSU: Now what is that gold coin worth? ARGRATH: If we’re lucky, both our lives. Argrath and Elusu loot the dead bodies of the Rhino Riders. Elusu finds another gold coin. ELUSU: Wa, no wonder. They already had a gold coin. What do you think it’s worth? ARGRATH: Everything. And nothing. ELUSU: Right now, I would trade it for a beer. ____________________________ Argrath and Elusu reach a fork in the road. ELUSU: We're lost. We don’t even have a destination. Which is the correct way? Argrath continues straight, taking neither road. Elusu follows. ELUSU: At the end of this road, there'd better be beer. Edited February 22, 2019 by RHW ALLCAPS before dialog to make it easier to read. Made Elusu sound more like herself, wa. 28 3 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RHW Posted January 30, 2019 Author Share Posted January 30, 2019 Hey, glad people liked this. Credit where credit is due, the beer bubble and gold wheel riddles come from sigilbear's post on the rpg.net forums: https://forum.rpg.net/index.php?threads/glorantha-nysalor-riddles.587230/ I just dressed them up in new clothes. He in turn got them from elsewhere, but he's not sure where. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soltakss Posted January 30, 2019 Share Posted January 30, 2019 22 hours ago, RHW said: A FRAGMENT FOUND IN THE NEW PAVIS LIBRARY (Date and author unknown) Well, that was cheerful. Excellent riddles, though. 2 Quote Simon Phipp - Caldmore Chameleon - Wallowing in my elitism since 1982. Many Systems, One Family. Just a fanboy. www.soltakss.com/index.html Jonstown Compendium author. Find my contributions here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RHW Posted February 18, 2019 Author Share Posted February 18, 2019 Argrath and Elusu walk through Founders Market. Merchants and customers alike eye Elusu warily. Many of them have been wronged by her before. ELUSU: Wa, Chief. What’s the sound of one hand clapping? ARGRATH: This? Argrath slaps Elusu across the face. ELUSU: No. Bystanders applaud. ELUSU: That. 7 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brootse Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 2 hours ago, RHW said: Argrath and Elusu walk through Founders Market. Merchants and customers alike eye Elusu warily. Many of them have been wronged by her before. ELUSU: Wa, Chief. What’s the sound of one hand clapping? ARGRATH: This? Argrath slaps Elusu across the face. ELUSU: No. Bystanders applaud. ELUSU: That. haha, keep em coming Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RHW Posted February 18, 2019 Author Share Posted February 18, 2019 (edited) Argrath and Elusu leave a meeting with fellow rebels in Heortland. ELUSU: Wa. What was the name of that Humakti fellow again? The big one wearing all the skulls? ARGRATH: Sargarath. ELUSU: And the Kitori? ARGRATH: Gar Darkspear. ELUSU: Wa, Gar is a nickname for Argrath too, right? Like that Rath bully and the Arry prick. And Kallyr is called The Argrath and her representative was another Argrath and that Kat girl is really named Arkatha. ARGRATH: Get to the point, Fool. ELUSU: The pointy bit is, seems like we got a surplus of Argraths. After all, there are only four Elusus. Plain old Elusu, Elusu the Liar, Elusu Sit Here, and Elusu the Polite. ARGRATH: Those are all you. And it's four too many if you ask me. ELUSU: Wa. So all them other Argraths are all you, too? ARGRATH: It's not the same thing. ELUSU: Whatever you say, Chief. Argrath thinks about that for a while. ARGRATH: Fuck. ELUSU: Aye. Let's get a beer. Edited February 20, 2019 by RHW Polished some stuff up. 4 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RHW Posted February 19, 2019 Author Share Posted February 19, 2019 (edited) Elusu carves a wooden marionette while Argrath watches. ELUSU: Wa, Boss, I’m working on a new puppet show. What’s the funniest way to die? Violence or poison? ARGRATH: Depends. I like the one where Hon-eel chops up Pyjeemsab. But Euglyptus dying is pretty funny, too. All those farts. ELUSU: Can’t go wrong with farts. ARGRATH: Who’s this one about then? ELUSU: It’s the bloody tale of a self-important, morally ambiguous Orlanthi heroquester. ARGRATH (studies the puppet): I thought he looked familiar. Before Elusu can respond, Argrath chops off her head. ARGRATH: Violence is always an option. Elusu’s body fumbles around, finds her head, and puts it back on her neck. ELUSU: Good point. Guess I'll go with poison. Elusu returns to her carving. _________________________________ The middle of the night. Elusu squats astride a sleeping Argrath, wearing an Eurmal mask. She leans over him as he wakes. ELUSU: Wake up, Chief! Guess who’s beneath the mask! Argrath looks up at the mask. ARGRATH: Right now? Me. ELUSU: Wa. Hadn’t thought about it like that. Elusu takes off her mask, revealing Argrath’s own face. ELUSU: But when you're right, you're right. Edited February 22, 2019 by RHW Too many WAs. 6 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RHW Posted September 3, 2021 Author Share Posted September 3, 2021 (edited) Elusu holds out her finger. ELUSU: Wa, boss, pull my finger. Argrath pulls her finger. Elusu farts loudly. ELUSU: We just summoned Orlanth Thunderous! Elusu casts hotfoot on the fart. It explodes in a puff of blue flame.* ELUSU: Or maybe it was Shargash? Argrath thinks about that. In the distance, there's a rumble of thunder. ARGRATH: Fuck. ELUSU: I know, right. *Eurmali can light farts on fire with hootfoot. This is known. Edited September 3, 2021 by RHW Formating. 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EricW Posted September 3, 2021 Share Posted September 3, 2021 (edited) Argrath and Elusu at the bar. ARGRATH: Your round. ELUSU vanishes. ARGRATH: You little shit... Edited September 3, 2021 by EricW 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RHW Posted September 3, 2021 Author Share Posted September 3, 2021 16 minutes ago, EricW said: Argrath and Elusu at the bar. ARGRATH: Your round. ELUSU vanishes. ARGRATH: You little shit... Argrath and Elusu at the bar: ARGRATH: Your round. Elusu turns into a Gold Wheel Dancer. ELUSU: Yep. ARGRATH: I mean you buy. Elusu turns back to herself, then kisses a barmaid while simultaneously groping a waiter. ELUSU: Yep. ARGRATH: I mean your shout! ELUSU (drunkenly): Yep, bosh. I'msh out. Elusu vanishes. ARGRATH: You shit. A shit falls on Argrath's head out of nowhere. ELUSU (invisible): Yep. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RHW Posted September 13, 2021 Author Share Posted September 13, 2021 (edited) Posted this in another thread, but figured I should dump it here as well: Argrath and Elusu are confronted by the Green Dragon. ELUSU: Wa, I got this, Chief. Elusu reaches into her backpack and pulls out a ragged set of green PJs decorated with a cloth tail and tatty leather wings. She puts them on and speaks Wyrmtongue: ELUSU: No kill I! (casts LIE) We all friendlike delicious! The Green Dragon swallows Elusu whole. Argrath hides. Later that day, the Green Dragon defecates, then flies off. Argrath emerges from hiding. Elusu springs out of the enormous pile of poop. ELUSU: It worked! ARGRATH: You tried to say ally which is "tthtththtsspppssspt." But instead you said "ppstthhtsspppssspt" which means delicious. ELUSU: Yeah, in dragon that's pretty much the same thing. ARGRATH: Good point, ally. ELUSU: STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT. Edited September 13, 2021 by RHW 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.