M Helsdon
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Page 162: giant’s cradle – might be – Giant’s Cradle [General comment – in other books cradle is given a capital letter.]
Page 162: After he received the gift of the Dragon’s Teeth, Argrath defended the giant’s cradle against the Lunars and accompanied it far to sea where he met the Wolf Pirates – suggest - After he received the gift of the Dragon’s Teeth, Argrath defended the giant’s cradle against the Lunars in 1621 and accompanied it far to sea where he met the Wolf Pirates. [The previous paragraph refers to 1626, so either there should be a date here, or the paragraphs should be reordered.]
Page 162: Argrath aided the purple people – should be - Argrath aided the Purple People
Page 162: the bat-people – should be – the Bat People
Page 162: Three-step Isles – should be - Three Step Isles [Usual form is Three Step Islands]
Page 163: Yanioth Two-sight – should be - Yanioth Two-Sight – or Page 75 should be in the same format as the name here.
Page 163: Onelisin cat-witch – should be - Onelisin Cat-Witch
Page 163: Jarolor – should be – Jarolar
Page 163: upon the man – might be – upon him
Page 164: The Sartar Magical Union was the most extraordinary innovation of Argrath’s - suggest - The Sartar Magical Union was Argrath's most extraordinary innovation
Page 164: Each regiments of the Sartar Magical Union - should be - Each regiment of the Sartar Magical Union
Page 164: old gods – might be – Old Gods
Page 165: down its wyter – should be - down its wyter
Page 165: which allowed them to fight trolls – suggest - which allows them to fight trolls
Page 166: The Stormwalkers were a mixed band of men and demigods who live at the Old Wind Temple and are devoted to the storm god Orlanth - variations in tense. Should be - The Stormwalkers are a mixed band of men and demigods who live at the Old Wind Temple and are devoted to the storm god Orlanth
Page 166: pledged loyalty to Argrath – might be - pledged their loyalty to Argrath
Page 166: their participants – possibly – the participants
Page 166: through the oversoul of the participants – ‘participants’ just used, suggest - through the wyter of the warlocks
Page 166: The Wasps were a species of giant insects – should be - The Wasps are a species of giant insect
· A Chronology covering events 1528-1628 would be very useful.
· An Index would be very useful. An index seed would require a clean Word version of the document, and, based on experience of KoS, Arcane Lore, etc. would take about thirty hours to generate.
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Spending most of my time proofreading the Glorantha Sourcebook.
The contents of Rune Wars are now:
Contents
Introduction 9
Sources 9
Primary Sources 9
Secondary Sources 9
A Note on Terminology 9
Gloranthan Warfare 10
Troop Types 10
Light Infantry 11
Heavy Infantry 11
Light Cavalry 11
Heavy Cavalry 11
Chariots 11
Artillery 11
Vexillae 11
Flier 11
Magical 11
War Dogs 12
Heroes 12
Weapons and Armor 12
Materials 12
Manufacture 13
Attributes 14
Armor 14
Magical Armor 16
Animal Armor 16
Masks 16
Weapons 16
Lottery Swords 17
Shields 18
Runes, Weapons and Shields 19
Helmet and Shield Decoration 20
Unit Organization 20
Militia 20
Training 21
Warband 21
Mercenaries 21
Equipment 21
Training 21
Discipline 22
Terms of Service 22
Regiments 23
The Standard 23
Composition 23
Training 23
Discipline 25
Terms of Service 25
Rates of Pay 25
Regimental Rivalry 26
Warfare 28
Pelorian Warfare 28
Pelanda 29
Dara Happa 29
Alkoth Regiments 31
Carmania 32
Lunar Empire 32
Lunar Colonies 33
Dart Competitions 34
Barbarian Belt 35
Yelmalion Templars 35
The Horse Nations 36
Pentan Warfare 36
Grazelander Warfare 36
Pol-Joni Warfare 36
Orlanthi Warfare 36
Praxian Warfare 38
Duels and Individual Combat 39
The Orlanthi Duel 39
The Humakt Duel 40
The Yanafal Tarnils Duel 40
The Yelmalion Duel 41
Combat Games 41
Gladiatorial Contests 41
Chariot Racing 41
Dara Happan Races 41
Shield Push 42
Treatment of Prisoners 42
The Battlefield 43
Order of Battle 43
Infantry 43
Infantry Formations 43
Shield-wall 43
Phalanx 46
Cavalry 50
The Saddle 51
Riding Animals 51
Cavalry Formations 53
Line 53
Wedge 53
Rhombus 53
The Charge 53
Stand-off Attack 54
Shock Attack 54
Types of Cavalry 54
Cataphracti 54
Lancers 54
Mounted Archers 55
Javelineers 55
Dragoons 55
Fliers 55
The Saddle 55
Flying Animals 55
Orlanthi Fliers 56
Flier Tactics 56
Chariots 56
Vexillae 57
Artillery 57
Types of Artillery 57
War Dogs 58
Heroes 58
Transport and Mobility 60
The Campaign Year 60
Sea Season 60
Fire Season 60
Earth Season 60
Dark Season 61
Storm Season 61
Sacred Time 61
Roads and Warfare 61
Rivers and Warfare 64
Terrain 65
Movement Rates 65
Moon Boats 67
Fortifications and Siege Warfare 69
Siege Weapons 69
Dwarven Weaponry 70
Elementals 70
Magic 71
Fortifications 71
Walls 71
Bastions 76
Towers 76
Posterns 77
Gates 77
Crannogs 79
Giant Defenses 79
Guardian Spirits 79
Magic 80
Temple Defenses 80
Warfare and Religion 82
Magic 82
Wyters and Patron Deities 82
Magical Regiments 82
Lunar Magic 83
The Runes 83
Deities 84
Divine Aspects 84
Divination and Runes 84
War Gods 85
Cavalry Gods 87
Chariot Gods 88
War Gods of the Lunar Empire 88
Hastatus 88
Hon-eel 88
Humakt 88
Hwarin Dalthippa 88
Kastok 89
Polaris, War God 89
Saggitus 89
Shargash, God of Destruction 89
Urvairinus, Army God 90
Yanafal Tarnils 90
Yara Aranis 90
Yelmalio 90
War Gods of Saird 90
War Gods of Tarsh 91
War Gods of Sartar and Heortland 91
Babeester Gor 91
Elmal 91
Humakt 91
Maran Gor 92
Orlanth Adventurous 92
Orlanth Thunderous 92
Urox 92
Vinga 92
Yelmalio 93
War Gods of Esrolia 93
Argan Argar 93
Babeester Gor 93
Humakt 93
The Noble Brothers 93
Orlanth 93
War Gods of Prax 93
Jaldon Toothmaker 93
Storm Bull 93
Waha 94
War Gods of the Horse Nations 94
Golden Bow 94
Kargzant 94
The Four Winds 94
Plates 95
Armies of Central Genertela 100
Lunar Army 100
Organization 101
Command Standards 101
Lunar Headquarters 102
Lunar Army Corps 102
Miscellaneous Titles 103
Lunar Regiment Organization 103
College of Magic 104
Imperial Bodyguard 106
Heartland Corps 106
The Ten Wall Phalanxes 106
Daxdarian Phalanxes 108
Line Regiments 108
Carmania 108
Auxiliaries 109
Eol 109
Hungry Plateau 109
Char-un 109
Lunar Allies 109
Cavalry Corps 110
Provincial Army 110
Provincial Army Organization 110
The Lunar Provinces 111
Sartar Free Army 112
Sartar Regiment Organization 113
Orlanthi Standards 114
Humakt’s Raven Banner 114
Battle Banner of the EWF 115
Sartar Magical Union 115
Sartar Free Army 116
The Sartar Royal Guard 116
Sartar City Militia 116
The Barbarian Horde 116
Independents 116
The Agimori of Prax 116
Beastmen 117
The Black Horse Troop 117
Cragspider and her Allies 117
Dragonewts 117
Giants 118
Grazeland Pony Breeders 118
The Holy Country 118
The God-King’s Armies 118
Calandraland 119
Ditali 119
Esrolia 119
God Forgot 120
Heortland 120
Shadow Plateau 120
The Islands 120
Mercenaries in Pavis 121
The Pol-Joni 121
Praxian Animal Nomads 121
Bison Tribe 122
High Llama Tribe 122
Impala Tribe 122
Rhinoceros Tribe 122
Sable Tribe 122
Unicorn Tribe 122
Zebra Tribe 123
Queendom of Jab 123
Sun Dome Temples 123
Yelmalion Regiments 124
Mo Baustra 125
Vanntar 125
Alda-Chur 126
Tarsh Exiles 126
The Telmori 126
Tusk Riders 127
Hero Wars Army Lists 128
Unit Descriptions 128
Armor 128
Morale 128
Lunar Army List 128
Lunar Headquarters 128
College of Magic 129
Sister’s Army 130
Imperial Bodyguard 130
Heartland Corps 131
Heavy Infantry 131
Light Infantry 133
Cavalry Corps 135
Heavy Cavalry 135
Light Cavalry 137
Chariots 138
Provincial Army 138
Aggar 138
Holay 138
Tarsh 139
Vanch 141
Carmania 141
Sartar Free Army List 141
Sartar Headquarters 141
Sartar Magical Union 142
Sartar Free Army 145
Heavy Cavalry 145
Light Cavalry 146
Heavy Infantry 146
Light Infantry 147
Sartar City Militia 147
Barbarian Horde 148
Independents 150
The Agimori of Prax 150
Beastmen 150
The Black Horse Troop 151
Cragspider and her Allies 152
Delecti 153
Dragonewts 154
The Dwarf of Dwarf Mine 154
Giants 155
Grazeland Pony Breeders 155
Mercenaries in Pavis 157
Queendom of Jab 157
Sun Dome Templars 157
Unicorn Tribe 158
Tarsh Exiles 158
Tusk Riders 159
Appendices 160
Sun Dome Temples 160
The First Age 160
The Second Age 161
The Third Age 163
The Great Harpoon 164
The History of the Harpoon 164
Recent History 164
The Tribes of Sartar 165
Old Hendriki 165
Sword Orlanthi 165
Axe Orlanthi 165
Dark Orlanthi 165
Yelmalio 165
Light Orlanthi 165
Composition of the Sartar Free Army 165
Lunar Regimental Founders 166
Fazzur Wideread, the Greatest General of Glorantha 166
The Seshnelan Army 170
Codes of War 171
Crusades 171
Seshnelan Army List 172
The Kralorelan Army 173
Army and Navy Quality 174
Equivalent Military Ranks 174
General Terminology 174
Military Terminology 176
General 176
Armor 177
Weapons 178-
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Page 155: Large chunk of material duplicating information already given: Jar-eel is the daughter and Fourth Inspiration of the Red Emperor. She is the living incarnation of the Red Goddess in the material world, just as her ancestress Hon-eel the Artess was. She leads the mystic warrior discipline known as the Moonsword cult, and is worshiped by them in turn.
Page 155: rebel gods – should be – Rebel Gods [Usage elsewhere]
Page 155: He was reincarnation – should be - He was a reincarnation
Page 155: and the emperor – should be - and the Emperor
Page 155: its home in Lunar Hell – should be - its home in a Lunar Hell
Page 155: who then put his kinsman Tatius the Bright, dean of the Lunar Field School of Magic and leader of the imperial Assiday family, as commander of the siege – should be - who then put his kinsman Tatius the Bright, dean of the Lunar Field School of Magic and leader of the imperial Assiday family, in command of the siege
Page 156: When the final Lunar assault came in winter 1621 – should be - When the final Lunar assault came in the winter of 1621
Page 156: Halcyon var Enkoth – in Griffin Mountain - Halcyon Var Enkoth
Page 156: and the opportunity to join into the official festival – should be - and the opportunity to join the official festival
Page 157: and considerable area beyond – should be - and a considerable area beyond
Page 157: After the Battle of Auroch Hills – should be - After the Battle of the Auroch Hills
Page 157: spear men – should be – spearmen
Page 157: of the Old Earth – should be - of the Old Earth Alliance
General: Red Earth – should often be – Red Earth Alliance
General: Old Earth – should often be – Old Earth Alliance
Page 157: Lunar Army – (several times) is usually Lunar army.
Page 158: cooperative remnants of the Holy Country led by King Broyan – might be – cooperative remnants of the Holy Country armies led by King Broyan
Page 158: Queen Samastina claims sacral rights not asserted since the Storm Age – this seems out of place in a description of the city and perhaps should be moved to the end of the preceding section.
Page 158: after brushing aside the Lunar army at Moonbroth – suggest – after brushing aside the Lunar army in the Second Battle of Moonbroth
Page 159: moon-loyal – should be – Moon-loyal
Page 159: brightest full stage – should be – brightest full phase
Page 159: folks of Orlanth’s Ring – reads oddly; suggest – ten trespassers portraying Orlanth’s Ring
Page 160: Empire of Wyrms Friends – should be - Empire of the Wyrms Friends
Page 160: Others stars – should be - Other stars
Page 160: defensive war in against the King of the Wings – should be - defensive war against the King of the Wings
Page 160: despite his jealously – should be - despite his jealousy
Page 160: Jadentin the Avenger – in KoS - Jadetin the Avenger
Page 160: Reaches Furthest – on page 146 and KoS - Reaches All
Page 161: Much of the introductory Kallyr Starbrow duplicates much of the material on page 151.
Page 161: son of Jarolor – should be – son of Jarolar
Page 161: Short Lightbringers’ Quest – in KoS – Short Lightbringers’ Pilgrimage
Page 161: Lightbringers Quest – should be Lightbringers’ Quest [or Pilgrimage?]
Page 161: Phargantites – should be - Phargentites
Page 161: The Sartarites were outnumbered but held a good position – duplicates previous paragraph
Page 161: Leika Blackspear – or - Leika Black Spear [Both appear on this page. I suspect the latter is correct]
Page 161: Farandar Red Cow – if this is the major NPC in The Coming Storm his name is Farandar Orendalsson
Page 162: devouring scorpions – possibly – devouring scorpion men
RESUME at Page 162
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This morning's batch.
Page 151: Jostisan of Karse – should be - Jotisan of Karse
Page 153: were-wolf – should be – werewolf
Page 153: Together they had a son and a daughter – according to Page 148 they only had a daughter: With the first, Harsta Orindori, he was the father of Pharandros; with the second, the Feathered Horse Queen, he had a daughter.
Page 153: resist the chaos foe – should be - resist the Chaos foe [General comment, probably made before]
Page 153: at the Battle of Moonbroth – given when this is being written, might this be - at the First Battle of Moonbroth
Page 154: and was made Governor-General – suggest - and he was made Governor-General
RESUME at page 155
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5 hours ago, jajagappa said:
That ends up sounding like it's through Bruvala's grandfather. The intent is to indicate she is the great-granddaughter of Bruvala through Bruvala's son, Imarjira's grandfather.
The original is ambiguous. I couldn't tell what the original wording was saying. I did consider using 'via' instead of 'by' but then decided that didn't sound sufficiently genealogical.
After three hours of slogging through the document last night by the end I was starting to get very worn down.
Will amend to:
Page 152: (great-granddaughter of Bruvala through grandfather) – might be - (great-granddaughter of Bruvala through Bruvala's son, Imarjira's grandfather)
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Page 144: animal nomads – should be – Animal Nomads
Page 144: Yaandros - should be – Yarandros
Page 144: Derik Pol-joni – should be - Derik Pol-Joni
Page 144: Sartar of Bullshill, founded – should be – Sartar of Bullshill founded
Page 144: Pass’s – based on usage elsewhere should be - Pass’
Page 144: Dwarf Hills – is this the correct name?
Page 145: and out of the Grazelanders history – probably - and out of the Grazelanders’ history
Page 145: vendref – should be in italics
Page 146: and in 1570 – should probably be – and in 1470
Page 146: In 1594 – probably - In 1494 [But see below – may be 1495]
Page 146: She died in 1568 – possibly - 1565
Page 146: she became Feathered Horse Queen in 1568 – probably - she became Feathered Horse Queen in 1565 [There seems confusion regarding the end and start dates of the second and third Feathered Horse Queens, which spreads into the section about Sartar.]
Page 146: Sartar Ernalsorsson – King of Sartar names his father as Ernalsar, so his name should be - Sartar Ernalsarsson
Page 147: In the Sacred Time at the start of 1495, Sartar wed the queen – the previous page says they wed in 1594 – which I believe is really 1494, or maybe two digits have been transposed?
Page 147: Dainty princessess - should be - Dainty princesses
Page 147: culsists - should be - cultists
Page 147: seven hells – possibly – Seven Hells
Page 148: Kana-telsor – given in King of Sartar as - Kana-Telsor [Name appears twice here]
Page 148: and the fifteen king of Tarsh – should be - and the fifteenth king of Tarsh
Page 148: and he is still in office – suggest – and is still on the throne
Page 149: The princes of Boldhome continued to rule in the path set by the Founder – almost duplicates a statement on the previous page.
Page 149: For the next five years there appeared phantasmal dragonewts – the Dragonewts Dream lasted only two years?
Page 149: result of this five-year dream – ditto
Page 149: daughter of the the tragic couple - should be - daughter of the tragic couple
Page 149: The city, however, was too far to – should be - The city, however, was too far away to
Page 150: and the Beast Men – should be - and the Beastmen
Page 150: was the new home to the Tarsh Exile – should be - was the new home for the Tarsh Exile
Page 150: after a fleet was sunk by the Kralori in 1588 – should be - after a fleet was sunk by the Kralori in 1587 [The news reached the Holy Country in 1588 according to the Guide]
Page 151: dinosaur.
Salinarg – should be an extra line
Page 151: daughter of Onesilin – should be - daughter of Onelisin
Page 151: The Holy Country prospered under Belintar guidance – should be - The Holy Country prospered under Belintar’s guidance
Page 152: the Malkioni overlords – might be - their Malkioni overlords
Page 152: after a fleet was sunk by the Kralori in 1588 – should be - after a fleet was sunk by the Kralori in 1587
Page 152: She had 23 children (8 women, 15 males) – should be - She had 23 children (8 female, 15 male)
Page 152: old.
Bruva – should be an extra line
Page 152: (great-granddaughter of Bruvala through grandfather) – might be - (great-granddaughter of Bruvala through Bruvala's son, Imarjira's grandfather)
Page 153: but her lovers included – should be - but her lovers include [She isn’t dead yet…]
Page 153: Argrath of Pavis – possibly – Argrath of Sartar
RESUME at Page 153
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Not much free time today. Hope to continue tonight.
Page 142: mostly the race – should be - mostly of the race
Page 142: Aldryrami – should be – Aldryami
Page 142: was of enough quality – suggest – was of sufficient quality
Page 143: Calf-wool Stands – A pre-publication version of the Guide said Calfwool Stands, but the published Guide says Cafol.
Page 143: as a conquerer - should be - as a conqueror
RESUME at page 144
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General: Pass or pass when referring to Dragon Pass (without the Dragon)? Both forms are widely used.
Page 111: until she reached the Upper Air – The Guide says the Red Goddess and Orlanth war for control over the Middle Air.
Page 133: prevented lessers - ? perhaps – prevented lesser advisors
Page 133: Talastar and Sylila – probably okay. Guide says - Lakrene and Sylila
Page 133: King Hakon of Talastar – Hakon was king of the Bilini, not all of Talastar.
Page 133: and left her bearing his child – should be - which left her bearing his child
Page 133: the Empire – usually just – the empire [General comment]
Page 133: An attempt by the rebels to take Yuthuppa was defeated in 7/53 (1625) by Jar-eel, but events soon after prevented her from delivering justice to those rebels – suggest – An attempt by the rebels to take Yuthuppa was defeated in 7/53 (1625) by Jar-eel, but events soon after prevented her from delivering justice to them
Page 134: Steal Woods – Hendrikiland?
Page 134: Battle of Amber Fields – Lunar name for the Battle of the Auroch Hills? It would be useful for an annotation to this effect.
Page 134: Battle of Milran – Lunar name for the Battle of Pennel. It would be useful for an annotation to this effect.
Page 134: Red-Haired Tribe – should be – Red Hair Tribe
Page 135: called the King of Wings – should be - called the King of the Wings
Page 135: Lunar Army – usually in this document – Lunar army [General comment]
Page 136: Cosmic Compromise that bound the world together – perhaps - Cosmic Compromise that binds the world together
Page 136: The text of Cragspider’s Prophecy should be in italics
Page 136: with the moonlight radiance of Jar-eel – perhaps - with the moonlit radiance of Jar-eel
Page 136: Dragonewt – usually dragonewt [General comment]
Page 137: draconic indifference . - should be - draconic indifference.
Page 137: hiding in their stronghomes - possibly strongholds?
Page 138: of the creature. Creatures included centaurs – suggest - of the creature. They included centaurs
Page 138: Ironhoof was born at ths time - should be - Ironhoof was born at this time
Page 138: which are made – as one is lost – which were made
Page 138: where their interested were involved – should be - where their interests were involved
Page 138: Kajak-ab the Braineater – in the Guide - Kajak-Ab Braineater
Page 138: Vamargic Eye-Necklace – in the Guide - Vamargic Eye-necklace
Page 140: Silve Age – should be – Silver Age
Page 140: was fierce intense – perhaps – was fiercely intense
Page 140: Thus most Pentants - should be - Thus most Pentans
Page 140: animal nomads – should be – Animal Nomads [General comment]
Page 140: fight the darkness – should be – fight the Darkness
Page 140: was adoped - should be - was adopted
Page 140: The Pure Horse poem should be in italics.
Page 141: This swordman returned - should be - This swordsman returned [Swordman is his name.]
Page 141: turtleshell - possibly - turtle-shell
Page 141: These individuals on the Other Side compete for magical powers – suggest - These individuals compete on the Other Side for magical powers
Page 141: but strengthened by their participation – should be - but been strengthened by their participation
Page 141: their losses at the Dragonkill War – should be - their losses in the Dragonkill War
RESUME at Page 142
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Page 128: demigods interferred - should be demigods interfered
Page 128: 1/49 – should be - 1/49 (1296 S.T.) [Or whatever format is adopted for ST)
Page 128: had begotten a special demon – there’s more than one Tax Demon
Page 129: Rastar-inning – should be - Rastari-ining [Guide pages 295, 311]
Page 129: Syllila - should be – Sylila
Page 129: Yanariao-ilart - should be - Yanoriao-ilart?
Page 129: Finally, in 6/12 (1529), he was forced to change bodies after an assassin from the Jenet-aror family forced him to evacuate his gross form – This same page and the Guide says: In 6/10 (1527), the Taran-il seized control of First Blessed after a long Dart Competition against the Jenet-aror. The Red Emperor decided that the Taran-il clan proved their lawful title to that the satrapy after the Tax Demons did not touch them despite their usurpation. The Jenet-aror assassinated the Red Emperor but the clan was executed for treason when the Emperor returned. So the 6/12 (1529) should be – 6/10 (1527)
Page 129: Palashee Long-Axe – should be – Palashee Longaxe
Page 129: Philigos was acclaimed king of Tarsh by the Earthshaker – should be – Palashee was acclaimed king of Tarsh by the Earthshaker
Page 130: Fort-Two Candles – should be – Forty-Two Candles
Page 130: against this descrecration - should be - against this desecration
Page 130: Gbjai Faces - should be Gbaji Faces
Page 130: their own satisfication - should be - their own satisfaction
Page 130: He had planned back then to come and recover it now – might be - He had planned back then to come and recover them now
Page 130: This one survivor was a terrible loss for the barbarians, for it was Phargentes, the heroic younger brother to the murdered Prince – should be - This one survivor was a terrible loss for the barbarians, for it was Phargentes, the heroic younger brother to the murdered King.
Page 130: also not clear here when Philigos died – KoS says in the battle, but in this propaganda perhaps at the peace parley?
Page 131: Celestine games – should be - Celestine Games
Page 131: them. 20 – should be - them.20
Page 131: The Seventh Wane opened to new heights – might be - The Seventh Wane opened with new heights
Page 131: and the familes that have the rights - should be and the families that have the rights
Page 131: outsife of Raibanth - should be - outside of Raibanth
Page 132: Tharkalist familes - should be Tharkalist families
Page 132: Valare Addi as an ancestor and they rule the satrapy of Karasal – The Guide says Karasal is ruled by the Rastari-ining family. The Guide does not mention the Valar-telsor family.
Page 132: of Sartar, went south – should be - of Sartar went south
Page 132: In 7/31 (1602), Jar-eel led the storming of the barbarian citadel – as the date is mentioned several times in close succession this would read better as – She led the storming of the barbarian citadel
RESUME at Page 133
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8 hours ago, jongjom said:
Jeff can you please pre-post the document in the usual place once you have done the corrections? It'll then be easier to see what's been done and not double check the great work Martin has been doing.
I only have about five hours a day to review the document at present, and because of having to check every name that's about twenty pages a day. Hope to have this pass complete towards the end of the week...
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General: " should be “ and ” throughout.
General: wane – should be – Wane [Note: not universally as wane is not always used as a Lunar Wane]
General: demi-god or demigod? Both used in the document.
Page 117: constructed a beautiful statue of the Sultaness - Satrapess? In the Guide this text says Conquering Daughter.
Page 117: Hwarin-Ong Satrapal clan – the Guide gives: Hwarin-ony clan
Page 117: The Sultanate of Sylila – should be - The Satrapy of Sylila
Page 117: horse peoples – should be – Horse Peoples
Page 118: reinforced Alkoth and helped prevent a second sack of the city – no first sack of Alkoth is mentioned; Yuthuppa was sacked.
Page 118: been killed or driven out - should be - been killed or driven out.
Page 118: Thunder River – probably – Thunder Delta – but possibly – Oslir River?
Page 118: who gained strength – should be – which gained strength
Page 118: called Holvburg (entered in 3/29), Starvdyke (3/33), and Norri’s Hill (founded 3/41) – should be - called Holvburg (entered in 3/29, 1384 S.T.), Starvdyke (3/33, 1389 S.T.), and Norri’s Hill (founded 3/41, 1396 S.T.).
Page 118: nomads’ to summon – should be - nomads to summon
Page 118: The child of this union was named Yara Aranis – Page 103 identifies her mother as Gorgorma - may be the same as the nomads’ Goddess of Tormented Death but if not might be worth mentioning in an introduction the lack of Gloranthan absolutes?
Page 118: might mention that Good Shore is also called Vernkor?
Page 118: and even caused a quarter of his followers – might be – and she even caused a quarter of his followers
Page 118: Lunar front – might be – Lunar border
Page 119: Sylila sent a secret army into Alkoth which surprised the nomads there and drove them out – the fall of Alkoth is not mentioned?
Page 119: Gardens of Carresh – in the Guide named – Gardens of Karresh
Page 120: Mad Sultinate - should be - Mad Sultanate
Page 120: passed their way over the Kartolin Pass – should be – crossed over the Kartolin Pass
Page 120: ravenkaaz – should be - ravenkaaz
Page 120: city of Carantes – should be - city of Karantes
Page 121: even the mighty Thunder River – the Oslir River?
Page 122: In 5/2 – should be – In 5/2 (1465 S.T.)
Page 122: Gambari – should be – Ganbarri
Page 122: unlike (say) – suggest just – unlike
Page 122: storm god – should be Storm God [General comment]
Page 122: floating Staff – should be – floating staff
Page 122: Usually, each of the five Gloranthan elemental pantheons is given a day to celebrate their particular rites, and usually in the traditional Order of Creation: darkness, sea, earth, sky, and air – should be - Usually, each of the five Gloranthan Elemental pantheons is given a day to celebrate their particular rites, and usually in the traditional Order of Creation: Darkness, Sea, Earth, Sky, and Air.
Page 122: smack of God-learning – should be - smack of God Learning.
Page 123: Sacred time – should be – Sacred Time
Page 123: daughter of Sandene, a washer woman - Page 120 says he was married to a weaving woman
Page 124: Hon-eel is plainly peaceful demigoddess – should be - Hon-eel is plainly a peaceful demigoddess
Page 124: In 5/2 (1466) – Guide says 1465
Page 124: future sultanate of Oraya – should be - future satrapy of Oraya
Page 124: horse-peoples – should be Horse Peoples
Page 125: Godtime - should be - God Time
Page 125: hell – should be – Hell [General comment]
Page 125: Yelm –- the – should be – Yelm – the
Page 125: Prince Phornostes – should be - Prince Phoronestes
Page 126: Syndic’s ban in the west – should be – Syndic’s Ban in the west
Page 126: Prince Phornostes – should be - Prince Phoronestes – and shouldn’t he be – King Phoronestes
Page 127: Closing of the seas – should be – Closing of the Seas
Page 127: High Archpriest of Loskalm – should be - High Watcher of Loskalm
Page 127: moon boats – should be – Moon Boats
Page 127: expanionist policies - should be expansionist policies
Page 127: which had just occured - should be - which had just occurred
RESUME at page 128
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In a response to my question, Rob Heinsoo has indicated that there's about a week to comment on the Gloranthan Sourcebook.
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Slow progress - because almost every name has to be checked...
Page 106: The Seven Mothers were: - this information has already been given in greater detail. Why is it repeated here, other than it was in the Wyrms Footnotes original?
Page 106: Carmanian war god (Humakt) during – might be - Carmanian war god, Humakt, during
Page 106: Spol noblemen – Spol had been long conquered by the Carmanians – suspect this should be – Carmanian noblemen
I also wonder if Rinliddi was really outside the Carmanian Empire at this time, as the Third Age Guide map, page 140, shows the early Lunar realm inside the Carmanian Empire. If so, the description on this page about the Rinliddi political landscape is suspect.
Page 107: loyal allies through the whole period of the Goddess’ stay on earth – given that she almost immediately went off on a Godquest, this wouldn’t be very long! Suggest this be modified.
Page 108: crimson bat – should be – Crimson Bat
Page 108: established of as the center – should be - established as the center
Page 108: intercept at Raibanth – should be - intercept her at Raibanth
Page 109: Carantes – should be – Karantes [General comment – also page 120]
Page 109: Elz-ast – should be – Elz Ast
Page 109: In 0/21 – should be – In 0/21 (1241)
Page 109: bringers of Life – might be – Bringers of Life
Page 109: by the Carmanian Exile – probably – by the Carmanian Exiles
Page 110: War god – should be – War God [General comment] war god etc.
Page 110: Altae – should be – Altinae
Page 110: void – should be – Void [General comment, probably made already, but some occurrences of the word are not the Void]
Page 111: son of the moon – might be – Son of the Moon
Page 111: Hidden Green – should be – Hidden Greens
Page 111: the City of Rose-Colored Glass in the Far East – no, it is in Teshnos, the East, but not the Far East
Page 112: ‘natural‘ - should be ‘natural’
Page 112: and honoured him - should be - and honored him
Page 112: was reknowened - should be - was renowned
Page 113: Oronin Sultanate – should be – Oronin Satrapy
Page 113: passage north of Elzast - should be - passage north of Elz Ast
Page 114: this was Char-un – should be – this was a Char-un
Page 114: The Guide goes into more detail about how Panishi was cheated by the Red Emperor
Page 114: in 1/32 – should be - in 1/32 (1279)
Page 114: whom had been – should be – who had been
Page 114: they erupted into a war in when – should be - they erupted into a war when
Page 114: a previous subject state – should be - a previously subject state
Page 114: Colonies were planted at Rist – would make more sense as – Lunar colonies were planted at Rist
Page 115: set upon by the Sultan’s guards – should be - set upon by the Satrap’s guards
Page 115: Poralister River – should be - Poralistor River
Page 115: Upper Poralister – should be - Upper Poralistor
Page 116: earth spirits – probably – Earth spirits
Page 116: Empire as a Sultanate – should be – Empire as a Satrapy
Page 116: sometimes called Jillaro of the Prince’s Green - elsewhere given as Jillaro-of-the-Prince’s Green.
RESUME at page 117
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Afraid didn't get through much more today.
Page 98: The Third Age – very little given about the world beyond Peloria and Dragon Pass, in contrast to earlier chapters.
Page 98: In Peloria, the tired eastern satraps – if this is referring to Carmanian satrapies then it requires expansion: the Carmanian Empire conquered Dara Happa in 1173.
Page 98: kingdom of Carmania – empire of Carmania?
Page 98: old gods – should be – Old Gods [General comment Pages 133, 164 because throughout the rest of this chapter Old Gods is used]
Page 98: chaotic gods – should be – Chaotic Gods
Page 99: casing stars down – should be – calling stars down
Page 100: Irenstos Theogony collection – might be useful if this name were used on page 11 where Irenstos and his Theogony is briefly mentioned.
Page 100: celestial and Underworld powers – suggest – Celestial and Underworld powers
Page 100: rebel gods – should be – Rebel Gods [Usage elsewhere]
Page 100: GERRA is the Dying Moon – this is duplicated at the end of the section. Suggest maintaining the structure of the other paragraphs.
Page 101: to maintain the order of the Moon’s phases, ULURDA should precede NATHA?
Page 102: EWF – suggest Empire of the Wyrms Friends as newcomers may not recognize the acronym – it is defined on page 88.
Page 102: Kralorela, East Isles – should be - Kralorela, the East Isles
Page 103: the RED EMPEROR is given capital letters in the second paragraph about him. Suggest this should be in the first paragraph.
Page 105 ie. – should be i.e.
Page 105: betrayed by his wife and brother.1 – should be - betrayed by his wife and brother.1 [General Comment: this goes for all the other annotation numbers throughout the text]
Page 105: Arimdalla the Silver Lord – should be - Arimadalla the Silver Lord
Page 105: In 719, - rest of the sentence missing. Perhaps it should say: In 719, Arimadalla the Silver Lord, and his God Learner allies killed Narensaval, the warrior priest of Irensaval, and drove out the defeated rebel general Syranthir Forefront and his army.
Page 105: "pauper farmers" 2 – should be - "pauper farmers"2 [Note in addition to being a superscript numeric, there is an extra space that should be removed.
Page 105: no mention of the Carmanians fighting and defeating the Spolite Empire?
Page 105: aiding in the disposal of humans and dragonewts of Dragon Pass many years later [disposal meaning defeat?]
Page 105 and other pages: Urox – named elsewhere as Storm Bull. This Orlanthi name for Storm Bull should be mentioned on page 46. Newcomers to Glorantha won’t know that Urox is Storm Bull.
Page 106: and collapsed under pressure – suggest – and collapsed
RESUME at Page 106
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General: dark troll – should be – Dark Troll
General: great troll should be – Great Troll
General: Surface World or surface world? Both appear, often in proximity. Believe former should be used.
Page 87: deities of darkness – should be – Deities of Darkness – or – deities of Darkness
Page 87: Their name in their Underworld birthplace is a secret – previous page gives uzuz but perhaps their original name was something else
Page 87: which hithertofor had dwelt securely - should be - hitherto for – or – hitherto [Prefer the latter]
Page 88: Their departure revealed a thinly populated revealed a region thinly populated by indigenous tribes previously enslaved by the nomads – should be - Their departure revealed a region thinly populated by indigenous tribes previously enslaved by the nomads
Page 89: Chaos god – should be – Chaos God [General comment] chaos on the same page should be Chaos
Page 89: Humaktsson and Humaktson both appear on this page…
Page 89: enlightment and experience - should be - enlightenment and experience
Page 90: received her apotheosis by and as Arachne Solara – meaning (intentionally?) unclear
Page 90: cursed to their entry – might be – their entry was cursed
Page 90: population southward downwards the extensive ruins of Pavis – Pavis is to the east! And this sentence is incomplete. Suggest - population eastwards to the extensive ruins of Pavis
Page 90: Dark Esroliawas thrown down - should be - Dark Esrolia was thrown down
Page 90: As human occupied the Pass – should be - As humans occupied the Pass
Page 90: Lunar worship was accepted by some trolls at that time – is this still canonical?
Page 91: blank page
Page 92: sun-worshipping horse nomads and the Storm worshipping First Council – might be - Sun-worshipping horse nomads and the Storm-worshipping First Council – or – Sun worshipping horse nomads and the Storm worshipping First Council
Page 92: ancient even before time began – should be - ancient even before Time began
Page 92: Central Peloria gave birth to the theistic way of life – should be - Central Genertela gave birth to the theistic way of life.
Page 92: sun-worshipping – twice - see comment above
Page 92: The west remained godless – should be - The West remained godless [general comment – but with care]
Page 92: and away to determine – should be - and a way to determine
Page 93: to be named Osentalka-the Perfect One – should be - to be named Osentalka - the Perfect One
Page 93: The year 374 was critical for Glorantha – the Guide says the Sunstop occurred in 375!
Page 93: None one knows – should be – No one knows
Page 93: Sun Stop and Sunstop both used here. Should be the latter [Do not do a global edit]
Page 93: birth of Nsalor - should be - birth of Nysalor
Page 93: god of light – might be – God of Light
Page 94: against foreign centers of power - might be – against the foreign centers of power
Page 95: (who suffered the tragic Trollkin Curse from Nysalor and the dragonewts (who had been humbled and forced into servitude) – missing bracket. Should be - (who suffered the tragic Trollkin Curse from Nysalor) and the dragonewts (who had been humbled and forced into servitude)
Page 95: They also provided him important details about his magical sword – should be - They also provided him with important details about his magical sword
Page 95: Arkat and a western army – as per earlier comment – Western
Page 95: Snake Pipe Hollow – should be – Snakepipe Hollow
Page 95: By relentless corrupting himself – should be - By relentlessly corrupting himself
Page 95: become the Destroyer he saught to eradicate - should be - become the Destroyer he sought to eradicate
Page 95: many of the greatest still surviving – might be - many of the greatest heroes still surviving [Hmm, Hero and hero appear throughout the document…]
Page 96: The two accompanying texts show some examples of their thinking and cast further light upon some of the mysteries of Chaos – the ‘accompanying texts’ are not present here. Suggest this sentence be deleted or the texts inserted.
Page 96: god learners – should be – God Learners [General comment]
RESUME at Page 98
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General: some dates are suffixed with S.T., some are not. Please standardize.
Page 84: lack of touch – suggest – lack of sensation
Page 84: earth goddess – should be – Earth Goddess [General comment]
Page 84: The dwarfs inherited the realms of the vanished Mostali – imprecise, as dwarfs has been used to refer to older dwarfs so suggest - The Clay dwarves inherited the realms of the vanished Mostali
Page 84: goddess of death – possibly – Goddess of Death [General comment]
Page 84: the material about dwarves worshipping deities other than Mostal conflicts with other descriptions. Perhaps this suspect text is written by a non-dwarf?
Page 84: Some fell to chaos – should be – Some fell to Chaos [General comment]
Page 85: elder races – should be – Elder Races [General comment]
Page 85: out on the experiment – might be - out of the experiment
Page 85: The dwarfs of the west – should be – The dwarves of the West [general comments]
Page 85: Heroplane – is this still a canonical term?
Page 86: Belskan – should be – Belksan
Page 86: purged of individuals – should be - purged of Individualism
Page 86: Empire of the Wyrm’s Friends - should be - Empire of the Wyrms Friends
Page 86: secretly overground - should be - secretly over-ground
Page 86: The Uz names for troll types are duplicated in successive paragraphs.
Page 86: Godtime - should be - God Time
Page 86: A mistress race – should be - A Mistress Race [General comment]
RESUME at Page 87
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3 hours ago, jongjom said:
True but The Guide also has the text: In 1539, the Dragonewts Dream began, and ended two years later. (page 73). But this might mean starts at the very beginning of 1539 and finished the very end 1540.
True, but it seems a weird statement.
Just noticed that a proofreader is credited on the first page...
Will continue the exercise tomorrow. This is very intensive, and personally I can only read fifteen to twenty pages at a time before concentration starts to waver. Until yesterday I was giving myself the incentive of watching an episode of GoT each night as a reward. Now finished the latest season...
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4 hours ago, jongjom said:
Page 50 in agreement with Martin and the Guide "The constellation of ten yellow stars" were described as 'orange stars' (Guide page 734). But in disagreement with Martin the Guide does not have the Orlanth's Ring appearing in 1622... "The next week, Orlanth’s Ring still did not emerge from the Stormgate." (page 731), but in 1624 (end of first column, page 732). If so, can you please correct The Eleven Light Martin, if you still editing that document?
I can pass the comment on - The Eleven Lights is in layout and final edit so there may be time... Ah. Checking the text, there isn't a problem: TEL refers to the Three New Stars in the sky, where Orlanth’s Ring should be, following a major PC Heroquest, and the stars follow the path Orlanth’s Ring would. My mistake.
However, this should be mentioned in the Sourcebook.
New comment:
Page 50: and ended in 1624 – The Coming Storm/The Eleven Lights has the Three New Stars appear in 1622 and follow the path of Orlanth’s Ring. This should be mentioned.
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General: apostrophes vary between ' and ‘
Page 70: ST – usually given as S.T. [General comment]
Page 70: formless void – should be - formless Void [General comment]
Page 70: the chaos – possibly – the Chaos
Page 70: Gbaji Wars that concluded the Dawn Age, as detailed later – suggest – detailed in another chapter? This may relate to a chronology in the original source, which is not in this document
Page 71: between light and Darkness – should be – Light and Darkness
Page 72: 6. (Sacred Time) – seems to be a tab between 6. and (Sacred Time). Formatting is poor.
Page 72: sun – often given as Sun [General comment]
Page 72: young gods – should be – Young Gods
Page 72: Chaos in-to the living world – should be - Chaos into the living world
Page 73: Dragon Kings of Kralorela – should be - Dragon Emperors of Kralorela
Page 73: people have a faith, knowledged - might be - people have a faith, knowledge
Page 73: They were not terrible skilled – should be - They were not terribly skilled
Page 73: or elemental rights – should be – or elemental rites – or perhaps - or Elemental rites
Page 73: where the Orlanthi of Dragon Pass – might be - whern the Orlanthi of Dragon Pass
Page 74: Great deities could have many devout followers to follow their cult – might be - Great deities would have many devout followers to follow their cult [Not certain what this is attempting to say]
Page 74: the mystjhs are full of tales - should be - the myths are full of tales [Correction from earlier assumption]
Page 74: a mischevious deity named Raven - should be - a mischievous deity named Raven
Page 74: sun god, underworld – both should have capital letters
Page 74: liberated the subjects – should be - liberated their subjects
Page 74: burned in spectacular song – not certain what this should say, possibly - burned in a spectacular song
Page 74: was a wild card – might be – is a wild card [Tense varies throughout the document]
Page 74: the dieties could impose upon history - should be - the deities could impose upon history
Page 75: The Red Moon quickly filled the breaking of the Carmanian pantheon – what is this attempting to say?
Page 75: Such are the vaguaries of history - should be - Such are the vagaries of history
Page 75: become design background – should be - become a design background – or perhaps - become a part of the background design
Page 75: never lets a poor man starve – should be - never let a poor man starve
Page 75: Harrek will desert his realm to come to the aid of his friend Argrath and fight the Lunar Empire that he always hated – if the set start date is post 1621 hasn’t this happened? Harrek is in Dragon Pass from at least 1624?
Page 76: He is the Highest Priest for the cult – might be - He is the Highest Priest of the cult
Page 76: defense of Whiteall against the Lunar Empire - should be - defense of Whitewall against the Lunar Empire
Page 76: first great trolls – should be – first Great Trolls
Page 76: between life and death – might be - between Life and Death
Page 77: will was reality – should be – will is reality
Page 77: He could be approached – should be - He can be approached
Page 77: Godtime - should be - God Time
Page 78: 12 meters / He is 150 meters tall – aren’t imperial measurements now the standard?
Page 78: coming to Balazar in the end – should be - coming to Balazar at the end
Page 79: -- as her tree fares – should only be one dash
Page 79: most red elves lack only size – as Green elves are given a capital letter so should Red elves
Page 79: and elsewhere: green should be Green, brown should be Brown etc.
Page 79: landclearing farmers - should be - land-clearing farmers
Page 80: which exterminated all humans in 1120 – should be – which exterminated all humans in Dragon Pass in 1120
Page 80: Creasted Dragonewt - should be - Crested Dragonewt
Page 81: which is found locally, imported from the Holy Country and Dagori Inkarth – contradictory statement
Page 81: than any humans can hurl them – might be - than any human can hurl them
Page 81: They have atrophied wing-like appendages – Page 80 says: they have vestigial arms, not wings [Suggest the description of demi-birds be in only one place]
Page 81: Then in 1044 – Guide says 1042
Page 81: In 1539 the Dragonewts Dream began, and ended two years later – Guide says it ended in 1540.
Page 81: active in human affairs onece again - should be - active in human affairs once again
Page 81: Godtime - should be - God Time
Page 81: dwarfs – normal usage is dwarves [General comment]
Page 82: Godtime - should be - God Time
Page 83: storm god – should be – Storm God [General comment, probably made before…]
Page 83: Mostal siezed the immortal nail - should be - Mostal seized the immortal nail
RESUME at Page 84
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Just corrected one of my earlier comments:
Page 74: the mystjhs are full of tales - should be - the myths are full of tales
Almost half way through the document...
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3 hours ago, Jeff said:
Thanks guys. I'll get these into the document. I've been working on the Wane maps.
Jeff, having access to a Word version would facilitate this exercise enormously, as it takes time to write up the comments.
If you could send me (and other volunteers?) a Word copy then by using Track Changes this exercise could be speeded up. Depending on the level of reported errors I could combine those reported here.
As noted by email my free time has taken a significant hit due to family concerns, so I can only spend three or four hours a day on this exercise. It really requires the same attention as KoS and RQ2 as many of the errors look to be scanning bugs, and would sign another NDA if necessary. For that matter, the PDF is not copy protected, but it would take too long to paste and transfer the whole document into Word without problems - I have tried...
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5 hours ago, jongjom said:
OK. My potential typos detected:
There's an overlap between our comments, and differences as well, because it requires numerous reviewers to detect as many errors as possible. Have asked on the 13th Age Kickstarter Comments a few days ago how long we have to do this, but no reply as yet.
I haven't been looking at dates - always leave that to a last pass through.
Personally, I'd like to work from a Word document with Track Changes as it takes an appreciable time to type up comments... Have been sending a batch of comments each day, but as there's been no response, will continue to give them here and send a concatenated list when finished.
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This evening's catch.
Pages 48, 55, 56, 66, 161: Lightbringers Quest – elsewhere given as – Lightbringers’ Quest
General: Found Child or Foundchild? Both versions used in the document.
General: Underworld or underworld? The former seems correct but both forms appear in the document
General: Heroquest or heroquest? Both forms appear in the document
General: tone of the document varies – either past or present tense, and sometimes presented as ‘our’ tales [see Page 67] and sometimes from an ‘outside’ perspective. I suspect this derives from the various sources used to populate the document and can’t be easily adjusted.
Page 59: called ‘the devil’ – should be - called ‘the Devil’
Page 59: for the chaotic armies – should be - for the Chaotic armies [General comment – chaotic should be Chaotic?]
Page 60: Resisters still held out – might be - Resistance still held out.
Page 61: cast to Hell – might be - cast into Hell
Page 61: section Wakboth the Devil duplicates material on preceding pages – suggest it be deleted as it does not belong in The Unholy Trio section.
Page 61: section Kajabor the God of Entropy duplicates material on preceding pages – suggest it be deleted as above, with the last paragraph moved forward to conclude the Thed section.
Page 61: Death-hound – should be – Deathhound [as per earlier in the document]?
Page 62: to the void – should be - to the Void
Page 62: The Devil entered the world; with him came the slimy hordes of Chaos. Foremost in his father’s (the Devil’s) favor was Tien – this does not make sense. Suggest - The Devil entered the world; with him came the slimy hordes of Chaos. Foremost in his favor was Tien
Page 62: which used strategy – suggest - which used a strategy
Page 62: But all ways Tien chose – suggest - But all the ways Tien chose
Page 63: until the Sky God’s son – Hrothmir was a son of an Air God.
Page 63: knowledge of others-those – should be: knowledge of others – those
Page 63: Snake Pipe Hollow – should be – Snakepipe Hollow [see page 165]
Page 63: and for survival required the Power from intelligent beings – might be - and for survival devoured the Power of intelligent beings
Page 64: in the mighty sky-bull – sky-bulls are described as the descendants of Storm Bull but Storm Bull is not a sky-bull?
Page 64: She is known to have been killed by the god of entropy sometime during the Great Darkness – Page 58 tells us explicitly that he/she was killed by the Unholy Trio. Whilst this is an intentional example of mythic uncertainty, the contradiction sits uneasily in one chapter.
Page 64: Illumined – possibly – Illuminated
Page 65: In the Third Age, Red Goddess woke the cult – should be - In the Third Age, the Red Goddess woke the cult
Page 66: order and chaos – suggest - Order and Chaos
Page 66: Zzabur the Sorcerer Supreme, - should be - Zzabur the Sorcerer Supreme.
Page 67: Dragons Nest – or – Dragons’ Nest [page 35]?
Page 67: Queen Merngala the Great was the daughter of Queen Norinel and the Only Old One and the Silver Age queen of Nochet – confusing. Suggest - Queen Merngala the Great was the daughter of Queen Norinel, the Silver Age queen of Nochet, and the Only Old One
Page 67: They settled in the right arm – should be – They settled in the Right Arm
Page 68: He would anger the Esrolians when he dug in their necropolis – might be - He angered the Esrolians when he dug in their necropolis
Page 68: the elf Fwalfa Oakheart,; - should be - the elf Fwalfa Oakheart;
Page 68: Speaking Wheel,; and – should be - Speaking Wheel; and
Page 68: The whole of their tale is beyond the scope of this essay – suggest removing this sentence
RESUME AT Page 70
Page 105 and other pages: Urox – named elsewhere as Storm Bull. This Orlanthi name for Storm Bull should be mentioned on page 46. Newcomers to Glorantha won’t know that Urox is Storm Bull.
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On 11/19/2016 at 6:02 AM, jongjom said:
I've sent a list of typos and had no response as well.
Some feedback would help.
Also would it not be better to post the corrections somewhere like here, so we avoid duplication?
Duplication shouldn't matter as the editor should resolve them all - and in any review process, it is rare for all the reviewers to detect all the same things. I believe I have a 'hit rate' of around 60%...
Below are my comments so far, derived from a quick six hour skim through the entire document, and then from a careful read through, which has taken eight hours so far, up to around page 58.
General: Humaktsson or Humaktson? Both appear in the document: the former twice, the latter three times.
General: ie should be i.e.
General: Phargantites or Phargentites? Both used once.
General: sometimes creation is given a capital letter, often not.
General: The Deities of the Earth chapter gives each deity a section title, unlike the earlier chapters. This continues in subsequent chapters.
General: pantheon sometimes given a capital letter, sometimes not.
General: war god or War God (and goddess). Appears with capital letters and without.
Page 3: List of daughters might include Dorasta? Possibly not, as Genert and his daughter Pelora had lesser daughters?
Page 3: The crude geography of the continent begins with the great Genert’s Wastes - read oddly, suggest - A crude geography of the continent begins with the great Genert’s Wastes.
Page 4: and a variety of isolated and oscure creatures - should be - and a variety of isolated and obscure creatures
Page 4: humans live a lush pastroral life - should be - humans live a lush pastoral life
Page 4: joined with city-states Jrustela - might be - joined with the city-states of Jrustela
Page 4: Pendarli lion people - should be - Pendali lion people
Page 4: place of Pamalt - should be - Place of Pamalt
Page 4: She is the Mother of Hsunchen, the and the dedicated supporter - might be - She is the Mother of Hsunchen, and the dedicated supporter
Page 4: Suam Chong - twice, should be - Suam Chow
Page 6: Might mention that the Moon Rune metal is silver.
Page 6: The various names for this Rune illustrate the ideas behind it - might give some of the names.
Page 8: This RRune is little used - should be - This Rune is little used
Page 9: and anything in between, A hierarchy officiates at - should be - and anything in between. A hierarchy officiates at
Page 10: The Age of Time, during which we live, is that of Compromise - might be - The Age of Time, during which we live, is that of the Compromise
Page 11: Lhankhor Mhy cult, but very knowledgable - should be Lhankhor Mhy cult, but very knowledgeable
Page 11: Mularik Iron-eye - named in the Guide as - Mularik Ironeye
Page 11: Lhankhor Mhy cult - should be - Lhankor Mhy
Page 12: Rune masters, demigods - should be - Rune Masters, demigods
Page 14: Dragon Pass residents are certain of three - should be - Dragon Pass residents are certain of four
Page 14: Known True Dragons are rare. Dragon Pass and Kralorela are known to have several each, mostly very small examples - suggest - Known True Dragons are rare. Dragon Pass and Kralorela are recognized to have several each, mostly very small examples.
Page 15: Thus. individuals were able - should be - Thus individuals were able
Page 17: ORENOAR - should be in bold
Page 18: and the god-learners - should be - and the God Learners
Page 18: children are the catgod - should be - children are the cat-god
Page 18: gives humans their intial - should be gives humans their initial
Page 18: omnipresent sprectre of Death - should be - omnipresent specter of Death
Page 18: the Iynx-spirit - should be - the lynx-spirit
Page 18: The Xeotam Dialogures - should be - The Xeotam Dialogues
Page 18: Their parts in the cosmos have not - might be - Their part in the cosmos has not
Page 19: Fornoarian titles - possibly - Fornaorian or Fornao? The names in this section are very similar to the Enerali names given in the Guide, page 373.
Page 19: Zrethus, God of the Sky - possibly Zrenthus?
Page 20: child of Gata and Zrathus - possibly - child of Gata and Zrenthus
Page 20: fallen in savagery - should be - fallen into savagery
Page 20: the Surface World was people by the pure races of the Hsunchen - should be - the Surface World was peopled by the pure races of the Hsunchen
Page 20: between a Kolat – should be - between a Kolati
Page 22: In myths,she has - should be - In myths, she has
Page 23: but those who living kin – should be - but those whose living kin
Page 23: their corpses to an eternal glory of fighting for eternity – suggest - their corpses to an eternal glory of fighting in perpetuity
Page 24: When Darkness finally overpowered the world and the legions of Night came to surround the Spike. Argan Argar – should be - When Darkness finally overpowered the world and the legions of Night came to surround the Spike, Argan Argar
Page 27: Thus is the profusion of fish - should be - Thus is the profusion of fish.
Page 28: rather than descendant – suggest - rather than a descendant
Page 29: He is a son of Malkion Founder – might be - He is a son of Malkion the Founder
Page 29: He is dark and horribly visage – might be - He is dark and horribly visaged
Page 29: THE BLUE MOON – is the empty line above this intentional?
Page 29: unprepared for troubles – should be - unprepared for the troubles
Page 32: The lands of Esrolia (in the Holy Country) have always been Earth worshippers – might be - The inhabitants of Esrolia (in the Holy Country) have always been Earth worshippers
Page 33: adopted the earth system – should be - adopted the Earth system
Page 33: This was during the Golden Age, conmythory - no idea what the last word should be.
Page 34: Imarja philosophy – possibly - Imarjan philosophy
Page 34: She received gifts different from her sister’s – should be - She received gifts different from her sisters’
Page 35: Esrola laid between the base of the Spike – might be - Esrola lay between the base of the Spike
Page 35: She fought all who threatened her sister. She danced upon the earth with a frenzy, destroying all who threatened her sisters – unnecessary duplication?
Page 35: thrust himself up from deep – might be - thrust himself up from the deep – or - thrust himself up from the depths
Page 36: Jorestl - is this the correct name?
Page 36: sea god – should be – Sea God [General comment]
Page 36: SESHNA LIKITA is a daughter of Gata and Genert, and the land goddess of Ralios – not Seshnela? Suspect the allocation of Ralios has slipped from the entry about Ralia.
Page 36: she is the mother Kanthor and Jorestl - should be - she is the mother of Kanthor and Jorestl
Page 36: Storm god – should be Storm God [General comment]
Page 36: Water gods – should be – Water Gods [General comment]
Page 39: as well, if need be, - should be - as well, if need be.
Page 39: need for aids in her work – might be - need for aid in her work
Page 40: (herself a daughter of Larnste (Change, or Mobility Rune) and Harana Ilor (Harmony Rune)) – possibly these are intended as markers for actual Rune symbols?
Page 40: God’s Age life – should be - Gods Age life
Page 43: and is fearsome god of Love and War – possibly - and is the fearsome god of Love and War
Page 43: Sun god – should be – Sun God [General comment, also sun god]
Page 45: wielding the powers – might be - wielding their powers
Page 46: Praxian animal nomads – should be - Praxian Animal Nomads
Page 47: Storm gods – should be – Storm Gods [General comment]
Page 47: Kolati – might be in italics [General comment, and also not always given a capital letter.]
Page 48: placed aside his plough – should be – put aside his plough
Page 48: the lock-bed on one of Orlanth’s sons – should be - the lock-bed of one of Orlanth’s sons
Page 48: Urengerum the Archer – usually named as Sagittus?
Page 48: Humakt idealizes the honorable intentions and beliefs of the Air Gods with a single-minded intention and direction – suggest - Humakt idealizes the honorable intentions and beliefs of the Air Gods with a single-minded purpose and direction
Page 48: combatants noted – suggest – combatants recorded [note used just above]
Page 49: engaged in a duel of skills as trial of innocence – might be - engaged in a duel of skills as a trial of innocence
Page 49: and system snobbery – reads oddly. Possibly - and systemic snobbery or - and a system of snobbery
Page 50: The constellation of ten yellow stars (prior to its three-year disappearance that began in 1621 and ended in 1624, it had seven yellow stars) – usually described as orange.
Page 50: and ended in 1624 – The Coming Storm/The Eleven Lights has the Three New Stars appear in 1622 and follow the path of Orlanth’s Ring. This should be mentioned.
Page 50: thus deserves – should be – thus deserve
Page 51: Sh‘harkazeel – should be – Sh’harkazeel
Page 51: utuma – should be in italics? [General comment]
Page 51: He passed the region – should be - He passed through the region
Page 51: Earth goddess – should be – Earth Goddess [General comment]
Page 51/52: divine dialogue might be in italics?
Page 55: Hofhadalos’s – to be consistent with usage elsewhere, should be - Hofhadalos’
Page 56: see you. “ - should be - see you."
Page 57: Orlanth made his Vingkot the king – should be - Orlanth made his son Vingkot the king
Page 57: Voriof the Shepherd – multiple uses of ‘is said’ – suggest is claimed and similar for variety
RESUME at Page 58
Page 73: people have a faith, knowledged - might be - people have a faith, knowledge
Page 74: a mischevious deity named Raven - should be - a mischievous deity named Raven
Page 74: the dieties could impose upon history - should be - the deities could impose upon history
Page 74: the mystjhs are full of tales - should be - the myths are full of tales
Page 75: Such are the vaguaries of history - should be - Such are the vagaries of history
Page 76: defense of Whiteall against the Lunar Empire - should be - defense of Whitewall against the Lunar Empire
Page 77: Godtime - should be - God Time
Page 79: landclearing farmers - should be - land-clearing farmers
Page 80: Creasted Dragonewt - should be - Crested Dragonewt
Page 81: active in human affairs onece again - should be - active in human affairs once again
Page 81: Godtime - should be - God Time
Page 82: Godtime - should be - God Time
Page 83: Mostal siezed the immortal nail - should be - Mostal seized the immortal nail
Page 86: Empire of the Wyrm’s Friends - should be - Empire of the Wyrms Friends
Page 86: Godtime - should be - God Time
Page 86: secretly overground - should be - secretly over-ground
Page 87: which hithertofor had dwelt securely - should be - hitherto for
Page 89: enlightment and experience - should be - enlightenment and experience
Page 90: Dark Esroliawas thrown down - should be - Dark Esrolia was thrown down
Page 93: birth of Nsalor - should be - birth of Nysalor
Page 95: become the Destroyer he saught to eradicate - should be - become the Destroyer he sought to eradicate
Page 112: ‘natural‘ - should be ‘natural’
Page 112: and honoured him - should be and honored him
Page 112: was reknowened - should be - was renowned
Page 113: passage north of Elzast - should be - passage north of Elz Ast
Page 116: sometimes called Jillaro of the Prince’s Green - elsewhere given as Jillaro-of-the-Prince’s Green.
Page 117: constructed a beautiful statue of the Sultaness - Satrapess?
Page 118: been killed or driven out - should be - been killed or driven out.
Page 120: Mad Sultinate - should be - Mad Sultanate
Page 125: Godtime - should be - God Time
Page 127: expanionist policies - should be expansionist policies
Page 127: which had just occured - should be - which had just occurred
Page 128: demigods interferred - should be demigods interfered
Page 129: Syllila - should be - Sylila
Page 129: Yanariao-ilart - should be - Yanoriao-ilart?
Page 130: against this descrecration - should be - against this desecration
Page 130: Gbjai Faces - should be Gbaji Faces
Page 130: their own satisfication - should be - their own satisfaction
Page 131: and the familes that have the rights - should be and the families that have the rights
Page 131: outsife of Raibanth - should be - outside of Raibanth
Page 132: Tharkalist familes - should be Tharkalist families
Page 137: draconic indifference . - should be - draconic indifference.
Page 137: hiding in their stronghomes - possibly strongholds?
Page 138: Ironhoof was born at ths time - should be - Ironhoof was born at this time
Page 140: Thus most Pentants - should be - Thus most Pentans
Page 140: was adoped - should be - was adopted
Page 141: This swordman returned - should be - This swordsman returned [Swordman is his name.]
Page 141: turtleshell - possibly - turtle-shell
Page 143: as a conquerer - should be - as a conqueror
Page 144: Yaandros - should be - Yarandros
Page 147: culsists - should be - cultists
Page 147: Dainty princessess - should be - Dainty princesses
Page 149: daughter of the the tragic couple - should be - daughter of the tragic couple
Page 164: Each regiments of the Sartar Magical Union - should be - Each regiment of the Sartar Magical Union
Page 164: The Sartar Magical Union was the most extraordinary innovation of Argrath’s - suggest - The Sartar Magical Union was Argrath's most extraordinary innovation
Page 166: The Stormwalkers were a mixed band of men and demigods who live at the Old Wind Temple and are devoted to the storm god Orlanth - variations in tense.
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5
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Glorantha Sourcebook (13th Age)
in Glorantha
Posted
Page 152: grandaughter - should be - granddaughter
Page 153: grandaughter - should be - granddaughter