M Helsdon
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Slow progress - because almost every name has to be checked...
Page 106: The Seven Mothers were: - this information has already been given in greater detail. Why is it repeated here, other than it was in the Wyrms Footnotes original?
Page 106: Carmanian war god (Humakt) during – might be - Carmanian war god, Humakt, during
Page 106: Spol noblemen – Spol had been long conquered by the Carmanians – suspect this should be – Carmanian noblemen
I also wonder if Rinliddi was really outside the Carmanian Empire at this time, as the Third Age Guide map, page 140, shows the early Lunar realm inside the Carmanian Empire. If so, the description on this page about the Rinliddi political landscape is suspect.
Page 107: loyal allies through the whole period of the Goddess’ stay on earth – given that she almost immediately went off on a Godquest, this wouldn’t be very long! Suggest this be modified.
Page 108: crimson bat – should be – Crimson Bat
Page 108: established of as the center – should be - established as the center
Page 108: intercept at Raibanth – should be - intercept her at Raibanth
Page 109: Carantes – should be – Karantes [General comment – also page 120]
Page 109: Elz-ast – should be – Elz Ast
Page 109: In 0/21 – should be – In 0/21 (1241)
Page 109: bringers of Life – might be – Bringers of Life
Page 109: by the Carmanian Exile – probably – by the Carmanian Exiles
Page 110: War god – should be – War God [General comment] war god etc.
Page 110: Altae – should be – Altinae
Page 110: void – should be – Void [General comment, probably made already, but some occurrences of the word are not the Void]
Page 111: son of the moon – might be – Son of the Moon
Page 111: Hidden Green – should be – Hidden Greens
Page 111: the City of Rose-Colored Glass in the Far East – no, it is in Teshnos, the East, but not the Far East
Page 112: ‘natural‘ - should be ‘natural’
Page 112: and honoured him - should be - and honored him
Page 112: was reknowened - should be - was renowned
Page 113: Oronin Sultanate – should be – Oronin Satrapy
Page 113: passage north of Elzast - should be - passage north of Elz Ast
Page 114: this was Char-un – should be – this was a Char-un
Page 114: The Guide goes into more detail about how Panishi was cheated by the Red Emperor
Page 114: in 1/32 – should be - in 1/32 (1279)
Page 114: whom had been – should be – who had been
Page 114: they erupted into a war in when – should be - they erupted into a war when
Page 114: a previous subject state – should be - a previously subject state
Page 114: Colonies were planted at Rist – would make more sense as – Lunar colonies were planted at Rist
Page 115: set upon by the Sultan’s guards – should be - set upon by the Satrap’s guards
Page 115: Poralister River – should be - Poralistor River
Page 115: Upper Poralister – should be - Upper Poralistor
Page 116: earth spirits – probably – Earth spirits
Page 116: Empire as a Sultanate – should be – Empire as a Satrapy
Page 116: sometimes called Jillaro of the Prince’s Green - elsewhere given as Jillaro-of-the-Prince’s Green.
RESUME at page 117
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Afraid didn't get through much more today.
Page 98: The Third Age – very little given about the world beyond Peloria and Dragon Pass, in contrast to earlier chapters.
Page 98: In Peloria, the tired eastern satraps – if this is referring to Carmanian satrapies then it requires expansion: the Carmanian Empire conquered Dara Happa in 1173.
Page 98: kingdom of Carmania – empire of Carmania?
Page 98: old gods – should be – Old Gods [General comment Pages 133, 164 because throughout the rest of this chapter Old Gods is used]
Page 98: chaotic gods – should be – Chaotic Gods
Page 99: casing stars down – should be – calling stars down
Page 100: Irenstos Theogony collection – might be useful if this name were used on page 11 where Irenstos and his Theogony is briefly mentioned.
Page 100: celestial and Underworld powers – suggest – Celestial and Underworld powers
Page 100: rebel gods – should be – Rebel Gods [Usage elsewhere]
Page 100: GERRA is the Dying Moon – this is duplicated at the end of the section. Suggest maintaining the structure of the other paragraphs.
Page 101: to maintain the order of the Moon’s phases, ULURDA should precede NATHA?
Page 102: EWF – suggest Empire of the Wyrms Friends as newcomers may not recognize the acronym – it is defined on page 88.
Page 102: Kralorela, East Isles – should be - Kralorela, the East Isles
Page 103: the RED EMPEROR is given capital letters in the second paragraph about him. Suggest this should be in the first paragraph.
Page 105 ie. – should be i.e.
Page 105: betrayed by his wife and brother.1 – should be - betrayed by his wife and brother.1 [General Comment: this goes for all the other annotation numbers throughout the text]
Page 105: Arimdalla the Silver Lord – should be - Arimadalla the Silver Lord
Page 105: In 719, - rest of the sentence missing. Perhaps it should say: In 719, Arimadalla the Silver Lord, and his God Learner allies killed Narensaval, the warrior priest of Irensaval, and drove out the defeated rebel general Syranthir Forefront and his army.
Page 105: "pauper farmers" 2 – should be - "pauper farmers"2 [Note in addition to being a superscript numeric, there is an extra space that should be removed.
Page 105: no mention of the Carmanians fighting and defeating the Spolite Empire?
Page 105: aiding in the disposal of humans and dragonewts of Dragon Pass many years later [disposal meaning defeat?]
Page 105 and other pages: Urox – named elsewhere as Storm Bull. This Orlanthi name for Storm Bull should be mentioned on page 46. Newcomers to Glorantha won’t know that Urox is Storm Bull.
Page 106: and collapsed under pressure – suggest – and collapsed
RESUME at Page 106
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General: dark troll – should be – Dark Troll
General: great troll should be – Great Troll
General: Surface World or surface world? Both appear, often in proximity. Believe former should be used.
Page 87: deities of darkness – should be – Deities of Darkness – or – deities of Darkness
Page 87: Their name in their Underworld birthplace is a secret – previous page gives uzuz but perhaps their original name was something else
Page 87: which hithertofor had dwelt securely - should be - hitherto for – or – hitherto [Prefer the latter]
Page 88: Their departure revealed a thinly populated revealed a region thinly populated by indigenous tribes previously enslaved by the nomads – should be - Their departure revealed a region thinly populated by indigenous tribes previously enslaved by the nomads
Page 89: Chaos god – should be – Chaos God [General comment] chaos on the same page should be Chaos
Page 89: Humaktsson and Humaktson both appear on this page…
Page 89: enlightment and experience - should be - enlightenment and experience
Page 90: received her apotheosis by and as Arachne Solara – meaning (intentionally?) unclear
Page 90: cursed to their entry – might be – their entry was cursed
Page 90: population southward downwards the extensive ruins of Pavis – Pavis is to the east! And this sentence is incomplete. Suggest - population eastwards to the extensive ruins of Pavis
Page 90: Dark Esroliawas thrown down - should be - Dark Esrolia was thrown down
Page 90: As human occupied the Pass – should be - As humans occupied the Pass
Page 90: Lunar worship was accepted by some trolls at that time – is this still canonical?
Page 91: blank page
Page 92: sun-worshipping horse nomads and the Storm worshipping First Council – might be - Sun-worshipping horse nomads and the Storm-worshipping First Council – or – Sun worshipping horse nomads and the Storm worshipping First Council
Page 92: ancient even before time began – should be - ancient even before Time began
Page 92: Central Peloria gave birth to the theistic way of life – should be - Central Genertela gave birth to the theistic way of life.
Page 92: sun-worshipping – twice - see comment above
Page 92: The west remained godless – should be - The West remained godless [general comment – but with care]
Page 92: and away to determine – should be - and a way to determine
Page 93: to be named Osentalka-the Perfect One – should be - to be named Osentalka - the Perfect One
Page 93: The year 374 was critical for Glorantha – the Guide says the Sunstop occurred in 375!
Page 93: None one knows – should be – No one knows
Page 93: Sun Stop and Sunstop both used here. Should be the latter [Do not do a global edit]
Page 93: birth of Nsalor - should be - birth of Nysalor
Page 93: god of light – might be – God of Light
Page 94: against foreign centers of power - might be – against the foreign centers of power
Page 95: (who suffered the tragic Trollkin Curse from Nysalor and the dragonewts (who had been humbled and forced into servitude) – missing bracket. Should be - (who suffered the tragic Trollkin Curse from Nysalor) and the dragonewts (who had been humbled and forced into servitude)
Page 95: They also provided him important details about his magical sword – should be - They also provided him with important details about his magical sword
Page 95: Arkat and a western army – as per earlier comment – Western
Page 95: Snake Pipe Hollow – should be – Snakepipe Hollow
Page 95: By relentless corrupting himself – should be - By relentlessly corrupting himself
Page 95: become the Destroyer he saught to eradicate - should be - become the Destroyer he sought to eradicate
Page 95: many of the greatest still surviving – might be - many of the greatest heroes still surviving [Hmm, Hero and hero appear throughout the document…]
Page 96: The two accompanying texts show some examples of their thinking and cast further light upon some of the mysteries of Chaos – the ‘accompanying texts’ are not present here. Suggest this sentence be deleted or the texts inserted.
Page 96: god learners – should be – God Learners [General comment]
RESUME at Page 98
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General: some dates are suffixed with S.T., some are not. Please standardize.
Page 84: lack of touch – suggest – lack of sensation
Page 84: earth goddess – should be – Earth Goddess [General comment]
Page 84: The dwarfs inherited the realms of the vanished Mostali – imprecise, as dwarfs has been used to refer to older dwarfs so suggest - The Clay dwarves inherited the realms of the vanished Mostali
Page 84: goddess of death – possibly – Goddess of Death [General comment]
Page 84: the material about dwarves worshipping deities other than Mostal conflicts with other descriptions. Perhaps this suspect text is written by a non-dwarf?
Page 84: Some fell to chaos – should be – Some fell to Chaos [General comment]
Page 85: elder races – should be – Elder Races [General comment]
Page 85: out on the experiment – might be - out of the experiment
Page 85: The dwarfs of the west – should be – The dwarves of the West [general comments]
Page 85: Heroplane – is this still a canonical term?
Page 86: Belskan – should be – Belksan
Page 86: purged of individuals – should be - purged of Individualism
Page 86: Empire of the Wyrm’s Friends - should be - Empire of the Wyrms Friends
Page 86: secretly overground - should be - secretly over-ground
Page 86: The Uz names for troll types are duplicated in successive paragraphs.
Page 86: Godtime - should be - God Time
Page 86: A mistress race – should be - A Mistress Race [General comment]
RESUME at Page 87
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3 hours ago, jongjom said:
True but The Guide also has the text: In 1539, the Dragonewts Dream began, and ended two years later. (page 73). But this might mean starts at the very beginning of 1539 and finished the very end 1540.
True, but it seems a weird statement.
Just noticed that a proofreader is credited on the first page...
Will continue the exercise tomorrow. This is very intensive, and personally I can only read fifteen to twenty pages at a time before concentration starts to waver. Until yesterday I was giving myself the incentive of watching an episode of GoT each night as a reward. Now finished the latest season...
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4 hours ago, jongjom said:
Page 50 in agreement with Martin and the Guide "The constellation of ten yellow stars" were described as 'orange stars' (Guide page 734). But in disagreement with Martin the Guide does not have the Orlanth's Ring appearing in 1622... "The next week, Orlanth’s Ring still did not emerge from the Stormgate." (page 731), but in 1624 (end of first column, page 732). If so, can you please correct The Eleven Light Martin, if you still editing that document?
I can pass the comment on - The Eleven Lights is in layout and final edit so there may be time... Ah. Checking the text, there isn't a problem: TEL refers to the Three New Stars in the sky, where Orlanth’s Ring should be, following a major PC Heroquest, and the stars follow the path Orlanth’s Ring would. My mistake.
However, this should be mentioned in the Sourcebook.
New comment:
Page 50: and ended in 1624 – The Coming Storm/The Eleven Lights has the Three New Stars appear in 1622 and follow the path of Orlanth’s Ring. This should be mentioned.
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General: apostrophes vary between ' and ‘
Page 70: ST – usually given as S.T. [General comment]
Page 70: formless void – should be - formless Void [General comment]
Page 70: the chaos – possibly – the Chaos
Page 70: Gbaji Wars that concluded the Dawn Age, as detailed later – suggest – detailed in another chapter? This may relate to a chronology in the original source, which is not in this document
Page 71: between light and Darkness – should be – Light and Darkness
Page 72: 6. (Sacred Time) – seems to be a tab between 6. and (Sacred Time). Formatting is poor.
Page 72: sun – often given as Sun [General comment]
Page 72: young gods – should be – Young Gods
Page 72: Chaos in-to the living world – should be - Chaos into the living world
Page 73: Dragon Kings of Kralorela – should be - Dragon Emperors of Kralorela
Page 73: people have a faith, knowledged - might be - people have a faith, knowledge
Page 73: They were not terrible skilled – should be - They were not terribly skilled
Page 73: or elemental rights – should be – or elemental rites – or perhaps - or Elemental rites
Page 73: where the Orlanthi of Dragon Pass – might be - whern the Orlanthi of Dragon Pass
Page 74: Great deities could have many devout followers to follow their cult – might be - Great deities would have many devout followers to follow their cult [Not certain what this is attempting to say]
Page 74: the mystjhs are full of tales - should be - the myths are full of tales [Correction from earlier assumption]
Page 74: a mischevious deity named Raven - should be - a mischievous deity named Raven
Page 74: sun god, underworld – both should have capital letters
Page 74: liberated the subjects – should be - liberated their subjects
Page 74: burned in spectacular song – not certain what this should say, possibly - burned in a spectacular song
Page 74: was a wild card – might be – is a wild card [Tense varies throughout the document]
Page 74: the dieties could impose upon history - should be - the deities could impose upon history
Page 75: The Red Moon quickly filled the breaking of the Carmanian pantheon – what is this attempting to say?
Page 75: Such are the vaguaries of history - should be - Such are the vagaries of history
Page 75: become design background – should be - become a design background – or perhaps - become a part of the background design
Page 75: never lets a poor man starve – should be - never let a poor man starve
Page 75: Harrek will desert his realm to come to the aid of his friend Argrath and fight the Lunar Empire that he always hated – if the set start date is post 1621 hasn’t this happened? Harrek is in Dragon Pass from at least 1624?
Page 76: He is the Highest Priest for the cult – might be - He is the Highest Priest of the cult
Page 76: defense of Whiteall against the Lunar Empire - should be - defense of Whitewall against the Lunar Empire
Page 76: first great trolls – should be – first Great Trolls
Page 76: between life and death – might be - between Life and Death
Page 77: will was reality – should be – will is reality
Page 77: He could be approached – should be - He can be approached
Page 77: Godtime - should be - God Time
Page 78: 12 meters / He is 150 meters tall – aren’t imperial measurements now the standard?
Page 78: coming to Balazar in the end – should be - coming to Balazar at the end
Page 79: -- as her tree fares – should only be one dash
Page 79: most red elves lack only size – as Green elves are given a capital letter so should Red elves
Page 79: and elsewhere: green should be Green, brown should be Brown etc.
Page 79: landclearing farmers - should be - land-clearing farmers
Page 80: which exterminated all humans in 1120 – should be – which exterminated all humans in Dragon Pass in 1120
Page 80: Creasted Dragonewt - should be - Crested Dragonewt
Page 81: which is found locally, imported from the Holy Country and Dagori Inkarth – contradictory statement
Page 81: than any humans can hurl them – might be - than any human can hurl them
Page 81: They have atrophied wing-like appendages – Page 80 says: they have vestigial arms, not wings [Suggest the description of demi-birds be in only one place]
Page 81: Then in 1044 – Guide says 1042
Page 81: In 1539 the Dragonewts Dream began, and ended two years later – Guide says it ended in 1540.
Page 81: active in human affairs onece again - should be - active in human affairs once again
Page 81: Godtime - should be - God Time
Page 81: dwarfs – normal usage is dwarves [General comment]
Page 82: Godtime - should be - God Time
Page 83: storm god – should be – Storm God [General comment, probably made before…]
Page 83: Mostal siezed the immortal nail - should be - Mostal seized the immortal nail
RESUME at Page 84
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Just corrected one of my earlier comments:
Page 74: the mystjhs are full of tales - should be - the myths are full of tales
Almost half way through the document...
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3 hours ago, Jeff said:
Thanks guys. I'll get these into the document. I've been working on the Wane maps.
Jeff, having access to a Word version would facilitate this exercise enormously, as it takes time to write up the comments.
If you could send me (and other volunteers?) a Word copy then by using Track Changes this exercise could be speeded up. Depending on the level of reported errors I could combine those reported here.
As noted by email my free time has taken a significant hit due to family concerns, so I can only spend three or four hours a day on this exercise. It really requires the same attention as KoS and RQ2 as many of the errors look to be scanning bugs, and would sign another NDA if necessary. For that matter, the PDF is not copy protected, but it would take too long to paste and transfer the whole document into Word without problems - I have tried...
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5 hours ago, jongjom said:
OK. My potential typos detected:
There's an overlap between our comments, and differences as well, because it requires numerous reviewers to detect as many errors as possible. Have asked on the 13th Age Kickstarter Comments a few days ago how long we have to do this, but no reply as yet.
I haven't been looking at dates - always leave that to a last pass through.
Personally, I'd like to work from a Word document with Track Changes as it takes an appreciable time to type up comments... Have been sending a batch of comments each day, but as there's been no response, will continue to give them here and send a concatenated list when finished.
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This evening's catch.
Pages 48, 55, 56, 66, 161: Lightbringers Quest – elsewhere given as – Lightbringers’ Quest
General: Found Child or Foundchild? Both versions used in the document.
General: Underworld or underworld? The former seems correct but both forms appear in the document
General: Heroquest or heroquest? Both forms appear in the document
General: tone of the document varies – either past or present tense, and sometimes presented as ‘our’ tales [see Page 67] and sometimes from an ‘outside’ perspective. I suspect this derives from the various sources used to populate the document and can’t be easily adjusted.
Page 59: called ‘the devil’ – should be - called ‘the Devil’
Page 59: for the chaotic armies – should be - for the Chaotic armies [General comment – chaotic should be Chaotic?]
Page 60: Resisters still held out – might be - Resistance still held out.
Page 61: cast to Hell – might be - cast into Hell
Page 61: section Wakboth the Devil duplicates material on preceding pages – suggest it be deleted as it does not belong in The Unholy Trio section.
Page 61: section Kajabor the God of Entropy duplicates material on preceding pages – suggest it be deleted as above, with the last paragraph moved forward to conclude the Thed section.
Page 61: Death-hound – should be – Deathhound [as per earlier in the document]?
Page 62: to the void – should be - to the Void
Page 62: The Devil entered the world; with him came the slimy hordes of Chaos. Foremost in his father’s (the Devil’s) favor was Tien – this does not make sense. Suggest - The Devil entered the world; with him came the slimy hordes of Chaos. Foremost in his favor was Tien
Page 62: which used strategy – suggest - which used a strategy
Page 62: But all ways Tien chose – suggest - But all the ways Tien chose
Page 63: until the Sky God’s son – Hrothmir was a son of an Air God.
Page 63: knowledge of others-those – should be: knowledge of others – those
Page 63: Snake Pipe Hollow – should be – Snakepipe Hollow [see page 165]
Page 63: and for survival required the Power from intelligent beings – might be - and for survival devoured the Power of intelligent beings
Page 64: in the mighty sky-bull – sky-bulls are described as the descendants of Storm Bull but Storm Bull is not a sky-bull?
Page 64: She is known to have been killed by the god of entropy sometime during the Great Darkness – Page 58 tells us explicitly that he/she was killed by the Unholy Trio. Whilst this is an intentional example of mythic uncertainty, the contradiction sits uneasily in one chapter.
Page 64: Illumined – possibly – Illuminated
Page 65: In the Third Age, Red Goddess woke the cult – should be - In the Third Age, the Red Goddess woke the cult
Page 66: order and chaos – suggest - Order and Chaos
Page 66: Zzabur the Sorcerer Supreme, - should be - Zzabur the Sorcerer Supreme.
Page 67: Dragons Nest – or – Dragons’ Nest [page 35]?
Page 67: Queen Merngala the Great was the daughter of Queen Norinel and the Only Old One and the Silver Age queen of Nochet – confusing. Suggest - Queen Merngala the Great was the daughter of Queen Norinel, the Silver Age queen of Nochet, and the Only Old One
Page 67: They settled in the right arm – should be – They settled in the Right Arm
Page 68: He would anger the Esrolians when he dug in their necropolis – might be - He angered the Esrolians when he dug in their necropolis
Page 68: the elf Fwalfa Oakheart,; - should be - the elf Fwalfa Oakheart;
Page 68: Speaking Wheel,; and – should be - Speaking Wheel; and
Page 68: The whole of their tale is beyond the scope of this essay – suggest removing this sentence
RESUME AT Page 70
Page 105 and other pages: Urox – named elsewhere as Storm Bull. This Orlanthi name for Storm Bull should be mentioned on page 46. Newcomers to Glorantha won’t know that Urox is Storm Bull.
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On 11/19/2016 at 6:02 AM, jongjom said:
I've sent a list of typos and had no response as well.
Some feedback would help.
Also would it not be better to post the corrections somewhere like here, so we avoid duplication?
Duplication shouldn't matter as the editor should resolve them all - and in any review process, it is rare for all the reviewers to detect all the same things. I believe I have a 'hit rate' of around 60%...
Below are my comments so far, derived from a quick six hour skim through the entire document, and then from a careful read through, which has taken eight hours so far, up to around page 58.
General: Humaktsson or Humaktson? Both appear in the document: the former twice, the latter three times.
General: ie should be i.e.
General: Phargantites or Phargentites? Both used once.
General: sometimes creation is given a capital letter, often not.
General: The Deities of the Earth chapter gives each deity a section title, unlike the earlier chapters. This continues in subsequent chapters.
General: pantheon sometimes given a capital letter, sometimes not.
General: war god or War God (and goddess). Appears with capital letters and without.
Page 3: List of daughters might include Dorasta? Possibly not, as Genert and his daughter Pelora had lesser daughters?
Page 3: The crude geography of the continent begins with the great Genert’s Wastes - read oddly, suggest - A crude geography of the continent begins with the great Genert’s Wastes.
Page 4: and a variety of isolated and oscure creatures - should be - and a variety of isolated and obscure creatures
Page 4: humans live a lush pastroral life - should be - humans live a lush pastoral life
Page 4: joined with city-states Jrustela - might be - joined with the city-states of Jrustela
Page 4: Pendarli lion people - should be - Pendali lion people
Page 4: place of Pamalt - should be - Place of Pamalt
Page 4: She is the Mother of Hsunchen, the and the dedicated supporter - might be - She is the Mother of Hsunchen, and the dedicated supporter
Page 4: Suam Chong - twice, should be - Suam Chow
Page 6: Might mention that the Moon Rune metal is silver.
Page 6: The various names for this Rune illustrate the ideas behind it - might give some of the names.
Page 8: This RRune is little used - should be - This Rune is little used
Page 9: and anything in between, A hierarchy officiates at - should be - and anything in between. A hierarchy officiates at
Page 10: The Age of Time, during which we live, is that of Compromise - might be - The Age of Time, during which we live, is that of the Compromise
Page 11: Lhankhor Mhy cult, but very knowledgable - should be Lhankhor Mhy cult, but very knowledgeable
Page 11: Mularik Iron-eye - named in the Guide as - Mularik Ironeye
Page 11: Lhankhor Mhy cult - should be - Lhankor Mhy
Page 12: Rune masters, demigods - should be - Rune Masters, demigods
Page 14: Dragon Pass residents are certain of three - should be - Dragon Pass residents are certain of four
Page 14: Known True Dragons are rare. Dragon Pass and Kralorela are known to have several each, mostly very small examples - suggest - Known True Dragons are rare. Dragon Pass and Kralorela are recognized to have several each, mostly very small examples.
Page 15: Thus. individuals were able - should be - Thus individuals were able
Page 17: ORENOAR - should be in bold
Page 18: and the god-learners - should be - and the God Learners
Page 18: children are the catgod - should be - children are the cat-god
Page 18: gives humans their intial - should be gives humans their initial
Page 18: omnipresent sprectre of Death - should be - omnipresent specter of Death
Page 18: the Iynx-spirit - should be - the lynx-spirit
Page 18: The Xeotam Dialogures - should be - The Xeotam Dialogues
Page 18: Their parts in the cosmos have not - might be - Their part in the cosmos has not
Page 19: Fornoarian titles - possibly - Fornaorian or Fornao? The names in this section are very similar to the Enerali names given in the Guide, page 373.
Page 19: Zrethus, God of the Sky - possibly Zrenthus?
Page 20: child of Gata and Zrathus - possibly - child of Gata and Zrenthus
Page 20: fallen in savagery - should be - fallen into savagery
Page 20: the Surface World was people by the pure races of the Hsunchen - should be - the Surface World was peopled by the pure races of the Hsunchen
Page 20: between a Kolat – should be - between a Kolati
Page 22: In myths,she has - should be - In myths, she has
Page 23: but those who living kin – should be - but those whose living kin
Page 23: their corpses to an eternal glory of fighting for eternity – suggest - their corpses to an eternal glory of fighting in perpetuity
Page 24: When Darkness finally overpowered the world and the legions of Night came to surround the Spike. Argan Argar – should be - When Darkness finally overpowered the world and the legions of Night came to surround the Spike, Argan Argar
Page 27: Thus is the profusion of fish - should be - Thus is the profusion of fish.
Page 28: rather than descendant – suggest - rather than a descendant
Page 29: He is a son of Malkion Founder – might be - He is a son of Malkion the Founder
Page 29: He is dark and horribly visage – might be - He is dark and horribly visaged
Page 29: THE BLUE MOON – is the empty line above this intentional?
Page 29: unprepared for troubles – should be - unprepared for the troubles
Page 32: The lands of Esrolia (in the Holy Country) have always been Earth worshippers – might be - The inhabitants of Esrolia (in the Holy Country) have always been Earth worshippers
Page 33: adopted the earth system – should be - adopted the Earth system
Page 33: This was during the Golden Age, conmythory - no idea what the last word should be.
Page 34: Imarja philosophy – possibly - Imarjan philosophy
Page 34: She received gifts different from her sister’s – should be - She received gifts different from her sisters’
Page 35: Esrola laid between the base of the Spike – might be - Esrola lay between the base of the Spike
Page 35: She fought all who threatened her sister. She danced upon the earth with a frenzy, destroying all who threatened her sisters – unnecessary duplication?
Page 35: thrust himself up from deep – might be - thrust himself up from the deep – or - thrust himself up from the depths
Page 36: Jorestl - is this the correct name?
Page 36: sea god – should be – Sea God [General comment]
Page 36: SESHNA LIKITA is a daughter of Gata and Genert, and the land goddess of Ralios – not Seshnela? Suspect the allocation of Ralios has slipped from the entry about Ralia.
Page 36: she is the mother Kanthor and Jorestl - should be - she is the mother of Kanthor and Jorestl
Page 36: Storm god – should be Storm God [General comment]
Page 36: Water gods – should be – Water Gods [General comment]
Page 39: as well, if need be, - should be - as well, if need be.
Page 39: need for aids in her work – might be - need for aid in her work
Page 40: (herself a daughter of Larnste (Change, or Mobility Rune) and Harana Ilor (Harmony Rune)) – possibly these are intended as markers for actual Rune symbols?
Page 40: God’s Age life – should be - Gods Age life
Page 43: and is fearsome god of Love and War – possibly - and is the fearsome god of Love and War
Page 43: Sun god – should be – Sun God [General comment, also sun god]
Page 45: wielding the powers – might be - wielding their powers
Page 46: Praxian animal nomads – should be - Praxian Animal Nomads
Page 47: Storm gods – should be – Storm Gods [General comment]
Page 47: Kolati – might be in italics [General comment, and also not always given a capital letter.]
Page 48: placed aside his plough – should be – put aside his plough
Page 48: the lock-bed on one of Orlanth’s sons – should be - the lock-bed of one of Orlanth’s sons
Page 48: Urengerum the Archer – usually named as Sagittus?
Page 48: Humakt idealizes the honorable intentions and beliefs of the Air Gods with a single-minded intention and direction – suggest - Humakt idealizes the honorable intentions and beliefs of the Air Gods with a single-minded purpose and direction
Page 48: combatants noted – suggest – combatants recorded [note used just above]
Page 49: engaged in a duel of skills as trial of innocence – might be - engaged in a duel of skills as a trial of innocence
Page 49: and system snobbery – reads oddly. Possibly - and systemic snobbery or - and a system of snobbery
Page 50: The constellation of ten yellow stars (prior to its three-year disappearance that began in 1621 and ended in 1624, it had seven yellow stars) – usually described as orange.
Page 50: and ended in 1624 – The Coming Storm/The Eleven Lights has the Three New Stars appear in 1622 and follow the path of Orlanth’s Ring. This should be mentioned.
Page 50: thus deserves – should be – thus deserve
Page 51: Sh‘harkazeel – should be – Sh’harkazeel
Page 51: utuma – should be in italics? [General comment]
Page 51: He passed the region – should be - He passed through the region
Page 51: Earth goddess – should be – Earth Goddess [General comment]
Page 51/52: divine dialogue might be in italics?
Page 55: Hofhadalos’s – to be consistent with usage elsewhere, should be - Hofhadalos’
Page 56: see you. “ - should be - see you."
Page 57: Orlanth made his Vingkot the king – should be - Orlanth made his son Vingkot the king
Page 57: Voriof the Shepherd – multiple uses of ‘is said’ – suggest is claimed and similar for variety
RESUME at Page 58
Page 73: people have a faith, knowledged - might be - people have a faith, knowledge
Page 74: a mischevious deity named Raven - should be - a mischievous deity named Raven
Page 74: the dieties could impose upon history - should be - the deities could impose upon history
Page 74: the mystjhs are full of tales - should be - the myths are full of tales
Page 75: Such are the vaguaries of history - should be - Such are the vagaries of history
Page 76: defense of Whiteall against the Lunar Empire - should be - defense of Whitewall against the Lunar Empire
Page 77: Godtime - should be - God Time
Page 79: landclearing farmers - should be - land-clearing farmers
Page 80: Creasted Dragonewt - should be - Crested Dragonewt
Page 81: active in human affairs onece again - should be - active in human affairs once again
Page 81: Godtime - should be - God Time
Page 82: Godtime - should be - God Time
Page 83: Mostal siezed the immortal nail - should be - Mostal seized the immortal nail
Page 86: Empire of the Wyrm’s Friends - should be - Empire of the Wyrms Friends
Page 86: Godtime - should be - God Time
Page 86: secretly overground - should be - secretly over-ground
Page 87: which hithertofor had dwelt securely - should be - hitherto for
Page 89: enlightment and experience - should be - enlightenment and experience
Page 90: Dark Esroliawas thrown down - should be - Dark Esrolia was thrown down
Page 93: birth of Nsalor - should be - birth of Nysalor
Page 95: become the Destroyer he saught to eradicate - should be - become the Destroyer he sought to eradicate
Page 112: ‘natural‘ - should be ‘natural’
Page 112: and honoured him - should be and honored him
Page 112: was reknowened - should be - was renowned
Page 113: passage north of Elzast - should be - passage north of Elz Ast
Page 116: sometimes called Jillaro of the Prince’s Green - elsewhere given as Jillaro-of-the-Prince’s Green.
Page 117: constructed a beautiful statue of the Sultaness - Satrapess?
Page 118: been killed or driven out - should be - been killed or driven out.
Page 120: Mad Sultinate - should be - Mad Sultanate
Page 125: Godtime - should be - God Time
Page 127: expanionist policies - should be expansionist policies
Page 127: which had just occured - should be - which had just occurred
Page 128: demigods interferred - should be demigods interfered
Page 129: Syllila - should be - Sylila
Page 129: Yanariao-ilart - should be - Yanoriao-ilart?
Page 130: against this descrecration - should be - against this desecration
Page 130: Gbjai Faces - should be Gbaji Faces
Page 130: their own satisfication - should be - their own satisfaction
Page 131: and the familes that have the rights - should be and the families that have the rights
Page 131: outsife of Raibanth - should be - outside of Raibanth
Page 132: Tharkalist familes - should be Tharkalist families
Page 137: draconic indifference . - should be - draconic indifference.
Page 137: hiding in their stronghomes - possibly strongholds?
Page 138: Ironhoof was born at ths time - should be - Ironhoof was born at this time
Page 140: Thus most Pentants - should be - Thus most Pentans
Page 140: was adoped - should be - was adopted
Page 141: This swordman returned - should be - This swordsman returned [Swordman is his name.]
Page 141: turtleshell - possibly - turtle-shell
Page 143: as a conquerer - should be - as a conqueror
Page 144: Yaandros - should be - Yarandros
Page 147: culsists - should be - cultists
Page 147: Dainty princessess - should be - Dainty princesses
Page 149: daughter of the the tragic couple - should be - daughter of the tragic couple
Page 164: Each regiments of the Sartar Magical Union - should be - Each regiment of the Sartar Magical Union
Page 164: The Sartar Magical Union was the most extraordinary innovation of Argrath’s - suggest - The Sartar Magical Union was Argrath's most extraordinary innovation
Page 166: The Stormwalkers were a mixed band of men and demigods who live at the Old Wind Temple and are devoted to the storm god Orlanth - variations in tense.
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12 hours ago, g33k said:
I presume you KS-backed, and are reviewing an early-release draft available to backers only?
You presume correctly. I've been delayed by looking at The Eleven Lights and something else.
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Have been sending in comments on the Sourcebook (four pages of comments so far, after a skim and commencing a detailed read-through) but am uncertain if they are being received. Mostly typos.
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2 hours ago, Steve said:
Also, Amazon don't seem that bothered about making a profit.
I have heard in the past that they have sold Game Workshop items below cost price. Part of the strategy seems to be capturing custom to increase subsequent sales - which seems to work because Amazon is so useful, whether directly or by providing third party sales.
A second hand bookshop owner I knew was driven to close his physical shop because with the overheads he couldn't compete with dealers on eBay and Amazon. A great shame, because perusing the stacks of books I often found things I didn't know I wanted! However, he also had to deal with thefts: once as I was at the desk about to pay he asked me to 'mind the store' as he raced after a shoplifter...
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The Yelmalio Helm is fashioned from solid gold and is engraved with Solar symbols. Only a very few of these Golden Age artefacts exist. The faceplate depicts a handsome bearded man said to be Yelmalio himself. The faceplate slides up into the top of the helmet.
These helmets offer superlative physical protection and are imbued with magical properties. The helm is heavily decorated, and the embossed detail would make it susceptible to catching the points of impaling weapons were it not so resilient.
An ordinary full helm is shown for scale.
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2 hours ago, David Scott said:
This confuses me a bit. Pavis GtA tells us: The original cradlesnatchers, the Jrusteli are exterminated/flee in 800. From his arrival in 830 Pavis continues the cradlesnatching that the Jrusteli began. In 860 Pavis retires to his temple, The Arrowsmiths take over. The Puzzle Canal isn't built until 920. What Malkioni?
May be from the non-canonical Pavis Rises.
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6 hours ago, Darius West said:
There is no Lunar settler push into the Oases or the chaparral, nor is there a poisoning of wells or a building of fences, and there is no great slaughter of the bison like there was in North America that made the Native American Plains tribes' way of life untenable.
Moonbroth was garrisoned by the Empire, and was the religious center of Lunar Prax.
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7 minutes ago, Darius West said:
Except that Praxians aren't in any danger of being pushed out of Prax.
Four of the five Great Tribes have been virtually pushed out of Prax by the ascendance of the Sable Tribe due to their alliance with outsiders. The ownership of Prax is always unstable and subject to change as the tribes pushed out of Prax become lean and mean in the Wastelands, whilst those in Prax become soft in its relative wealth. In this instance the growth of the White Bull Society and events in Sartar result in disequilibrium as the Sables and their Lunar allies become weaker than their resurgent foes.
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On 11/5/2016 at 11:41 AM, David Scott said:
Wagons are taboo in Prax and the Wastes except in a few circumstances. The Pavis Road is the major exception to this and it is allowed by the Paps.
The Pavis Road is an unpaved Lunar military road, so during the Occupation it would be a source of wood - there are going to be few trade items from Pavis and surrounds worth the effort of taking back west (save for magical or historical artefacts from the Rubble), so having carried supplies to the garrisons, wagons might be broken up at Pavis and sold for a tidy profit...
'The caravan master says three wagons have been damaged en route, sir. It's the state of the road. He asks permission to sell them off.'
'Does he? We're losing too many. The Army can't afford this. Tell him to get them repaired.'
'Ah, sir. I forgot. Here's your cut from the last sale.'
'Thank you. Now are you sure it was only three wagons that should be listed as irreparable?'
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5 hours ago, MJ Sadique said:
What gain is/happen to the 90% mass Loskalm ?
They lived long fulfilled lives according to their caste. Until the lifting of the Ban, when suddenly the utopian system of Loskalm was confronted by a world that wasn't utopian, and in some areas, such as the Kingdom of War, a dark dystopia - Loskalm's own shadow returned.
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4 hours ago, Oracle said:
I've just realized, that @M Helsdon was the Copy Editor of the latest version of King of Sartar. So I take his above statement as kind of an official explanation
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I proof-read it several times (and there's one very obvious typo I missed) but in this case, I thought the numbering was intentional: either due to a split entry or an intentional error. However, my opinion is in no way official.
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Glorantha Sourcebook (13th Age)
in Glorantha
Posted
In a response to my question, Rob Heinsoo has indicated that there's about a week to comment on the Gloranthan Sourcebook.