Reign of Terror - Corrections Thread

[Mike M]

Hi

With the release of Reign of Terror on PDF, this thread is to catch any typos or errors spotted. Please note them here, quoting the page number, the error, and the suggested correction.

We have a couple of weeks' window to catch errors before print. If corrections come in later than this, we will correct the PDF file and print files ready for reprints.

Many thanks

Mike

[Gundamentalist]

Page 12 - "The Royal Army (prior to 1894)" should be "The Royal Army (prior to 1789)"

[Dave]

Throughout: when your adverb ends in -ly, you don't need a hyphen to connect it to the following noun.

[Dave]

On page six, you have three instances of "a historical," when in the introduction and in the back-cover copy you use "an historical." I suggest "an," but whichever way you go, consistency is groovy.

[Dave]

You also use both "among" and "amongst." I suggest sticking to "among" (and "amid," for that matter) since most of your style choices lean American rather than British standard.

[Dave]

Page 121 under "Comrades": You want no comma after "Serjant Renault: a good man".

Page 123: Pressi's "Comrades" listing has an extraneous bullet point. Also, none of the "Comrades" entries need the commas.

Also, his "Significant People" tag should be bold.

Page 124: Should be, "Who cares anyway? There's nothing to be done about it."

At the top of column 2, "extravert" should be "extrovert." 

Incidentally, the backstory notes flip-flop from second- to third-person. For example, in Hugel's: "Significant People: you love your one-legged husband..." but then "adept at maintaining her disguise." It'll require a little more effort, but the second-person sure is stronger, and consistency smooths over these speed bumps.

Apologies for the spotty nature of these notes. These stuck out in memory after my first reading of the backer edition, and I've only just started to look for them in the full PDF.

[Dave]

Quote

 

Page 6, column 1, first bullet item after “USING THIS SCENARIO”: omit the extraneous quotation mark at the end of the final sentence.

Page 6, column 2, second bullet item: delete the comma after “broken up.”

Page 6, column 2, first paragraph after the bullet items: omit the second comma in the final sentence.

Page 7, column 1, first bullet item: add a comma and lose a comma, and note the corrected possessive apostrophe: “You might play this scenario immediately, but note that it is a long interlude before you return to 1923 Paris and will be an early reveal of what lies beneath the Loriens’ house in Poissy.”

Page 7, column 1, second bullet item: add a comma to the first sentence: “The soldier’s diary was never published, but Fenalik has it among his possessions.”
Page 7, column 1, under “Handouts for 1923 Investigators”: change “alternate” to “alternative.”

Page 7, column 2, second graph under “Everyday Life”: Hyphenate “brand-new.”

Page 7, column 2, same paragraph: missing comma: “Taxes triple the price of wine, and, as a result…”

Page 8, first column, first graph: “Most of the apartments have three rooms or fewer, and only half…” Also, King Stannis sends his regards (and admiration for your typesetter’s use of the en-dash).
Page 8, first column, second graph: add a comma after “Île de la Cité.”


Page 65: “Rigault’s statistics can be found on page 95.” It’s actually page 96. (I haven’t methodically checked page references, but this one leaped out at me, so perhaps it’s worth someone’s time to give it another pass.)
Page 68, second column, under “Rigault’s Routine”: Bring the full stop inside the quotation marks in “autopsies.”

Back Cover: You have “The Terror” with “The” capitalized, while in the interior you never capitalize “The.”

While I plan to re-read the scenario once or twice more before running it at a local con in a few weeks, I'm not sure how soon I'll get back to it. I have a busy week, and I feel my first autumn cold tickling in my throat.

[Dave]

Page 9, under “The Bourgeois”: Omit the comma after “blue.”

Page 9, near the end of the second column: add a comma after “Casinos operate on the second floor,” …

 

Page 10, first column, second graph: change “ender” to “enter,” and add a comma after the closing parenthesis.

Page 10, first bullet item under “The Price of Bread”: omit the comma after “A family needs two loaves a day” or else add “they” after the “so.”

Page 10 in the “Monetary Value” sidebar: omit the comma after the first line.

 

Page 11, near the end of the first column: once again, King Stannis confiscates your “less” and offers you “fewer.”

 

Page 12, column 2, second paragraph: add a comma after “supply.” Add another after “blue jackets.”

Page 12, column 2 at the bottom: hyphenate “much-needed.”

Page 12, column 3, end of the second graph: omit both of your final full stops and place one after the closing parenthesis.

Page 12, column three, next paragraph, second sentence: changing “Through” to “Throughout” will both be clearer and flesh out your column nicely. You might also add a comma after “Throughout the Terror,” but it’s a judgment call since the phrase is short.

 

Page 14, under “Monsier Raymond (deceased)”: the semicolon after “Comte Fenalik” should be a comma.

Page 14, under “King Louis XVI”: omit the comma after “out-of-touch ruler.”

Page 14: It’s a small thing, but it might be nice to move Comte Benoit’s description up to accompany his illustration. I sense the layout artist wanted text balance between this page and the next, but the Comte’s entry is short, and the value of having it beside his image might outweigh the symmetry. If you change the order, of course, you’ll want to edit the texst under “DRAMATIS PERSONAE” on the previous page.

 

Page 15: Again, a fine point, but under “Deitrich Zann,” the Music from beyond is describe as “unplayable,” which is obviously untrue once he plays it. (And if the point is that it’s unplayable as a symphony, then it’s still a bit muddled in expression.)

Page 17: Last sentence in the first graph of the prologue narration: the last sentence is a punctuation mess. Consider changing it thus: “One man holds his head high. His back is to us. We cannot see his face.” Alternatively, connect the second two clauses with a semicolon, but not as it lies.

Page 17, third column of the same narration, fourth sentence: add a comma to “The executioner steps forwards to push him down, but the man kneels…”

Incidentally, it seems a shame to share the uncommon term “tumbril” with the keeper but not to introduce it to the players here. I suppose you didn’t want the horsey business of explaining a term in narration, but one of the joys of Call of Cthulhu scenarios is that they introduce us to delicious periods of history, and words that have become uncommon are part of the spice I love.

 

Page 18, also incidentally, I appreciate the musical suggestion here. Another suggestion for the music of Dietrich Zann would be most welcome, if not in a revision of this existing text then perhaps on the message boards.

 

Page 19, first line after “START: THE CEMETERY”: there might be a space missing after the second sentence, or it might look that way because of the typesetting. Consider deleting “It is” to give the graph some breathing room, since you’re already using fragments to set the scene.

Page 19, the very next graph: I haven’t mentioned previous instances because there’s some ambiguity, but you often use “which” when you could more clearly use “that” and omit the comma. In this instance, the subordinate clause could be restrictive, identifying the quarries by their location: “The catacombs are old limestone quarries that lie beneath the streets of Paris.”

I know. Even King Stannis would scoff at this one.

Page 19, third graph after Cemetery: you can (and I think should) drop the comma after “Catholic priests.”

Page 19, second column, first graph, second sentence: add a comma after “The paris police had been assigned to the task, but …”

Page 19, second column, third graph: omit the comma after “(tuberculosis).”

Same graph, add a comma after “i.e.”

 

Page 20, first bullet-point item: add a comma after “exciting.”

Page 20, Historical Note: fix the punctuation: “… was largely complete by 1787; however, the date has been extended …”

Page 20, under “The Doctor,” add a comma after “Rigault wears a wig.”

 

[André Roy]

Page 58, 63. Maps on pages 18, 61, 118, 119 and in the separate players Handout pages 5 and 6. "Notre-Dame" needs to be hyphenated. 

---------

Page 11 - • Hugel, a resourceful provisioner (vivandièr).

Minor typo to be corrected here: The masculin form should be Vivandier (no accent), but the feminine form Vivandière takes an accent.

This typo also need to be corrected on page 120.

On page 125, at the top, the feminine form could be kept as the character is a woman posing as her husband.

However, Under Special: it should read "[...]. Joseph was a vivandier,  a serving soldier [...]" as it refers to the husband.

The page 120 and page 125 corrections, need to be done on the seperate (and free) pre-generated investigator file.

Edited September 22, 2017 by André Roy
Added a 2nd typo

[André Roy]

On page 14 and 15 (as well as on pages 19, 29, 31, 60, 64, 77, 123, 126, 127 and the separate pre-generated character  file on page 4);  Comte Benoit and Melodie Benoit should be corrected to Comte Benoît and Mélodie Benoît

 

Maps on pages 18, 61, 118, 119 and in the separate players Handout pages 5 and 6.

- On the Maps: FAUBORG DU TEMPLE should be FAUBOURG DU TEMPLE

- In the Legends: Notre-Dame and Champ-des-Mars needs to be hyphenated

 

On page 27 in the legend Place Duaphine needs to be corrected to Place Dauphine

 

On page 51 in both legends: Champ-des-Mars needs to be hyphenated

 

On page 68 (under Rigault’s Room), page 69 (under Getting In) and on the map on page 69, Rue Neuve Saint-Augustin needs to be Hyphenated.

 

On page 97 Champ-des-Mars needs to be hyphenated

 

On page 111 Cedric Bethe should read Cédric Bethe

 

In the credit page and on page 112 The title should be THE LABORATORY OF ANTOINE LAVOISIER.  The name also need to be corrected in the 1^st paragraph (misspelt Laviosier) and starting on the 3^rd paragraph onward (misspelt Lavosier ).

Edited September 22, 2017 by André Roy

[Pyth]

 

1 hour ago, André Roy said:

On page 14 and 15 (as well as on pages 19, 29, 31, 60, 64, 77, 123, 126, 127 and the separate pre-generated character  file on page 4);  Comte Benoit and Melodie Benoit should be corrected to Comte Benoît and Mélodie Benoît

Also, the first name Mélodie appears for the first time in France in 1970. If you need real french 1790 first names, here' is a short list (source here, a 1792 civil registry excerpt):

Female first names: Marie,  Catherine,  Claudine,  Jeanne,  Anne,  Françoise, Marguerite, Jacqueline,  Philiberte, Thérèse, Elizabeth, Louise, Pierrette, Charlotte, Denise, Gabrielle, Antoinette, Marthe, Mathilde, Rose, Aimée, Claudine, Julie, Léonie...

Male first names: Antoine, Jean, Claude, Jean-Baptiste, Jean-Marie, Pierre, Jacques, François, Georges, Philibert, Denis, Henri, Louis, Alexandre, Barthélémy, Christophe, Étienne, Gaspard, Guillaume, Charles, Michel, Paul, Sébastien, Thomas, Léonard...

Even if these first names were given to newborn babies in 1792, all of them were already used for centuries.

Edited September 21, 2017 by Pyth

[André Roy]

Page 26, Versailles 1789: Third column, last paragraph "[...] This event ends the King’s independence and symbolizes the end of the ancien regime. [...]" Ancien Régime needs to be capitalized (and the accent added).

Page 29. the title for Mademoiselle De Brienne (or Mlle De Brienne) is a bit problematic as it is used for young girl or (presumed) unmarried woman...and De Brienne is married. She should technically be referred as Madame de Brienne (or Mme De Brienne). Also, In French, aside for the abreviation for Monsieur (or M.) and Messieurs (MM.), we never put a period after it (unless we are ending a sentence). 

 

@Pyth

That is indeed an interesting resource and did not know that Mélodie was only recently introduced in French, but even if historically inaccurate, it doesn't change much to the story, I'm really looking at it more from a proofreading/spelling Point of View  

Edited September 21, 2017 by André Roy

[André Roy]

Page 67, 2nd column, last paragraph: Champs de Mars needs to be corrected to Champ-de-Mars

Same paragraph: Revolution might be corrected to Révolution, but it could be taken as either a descriptor of the event or the propername of the Event in this context. The same could apply to the last words the Grand Terror. which could be changed to La Grande Terreur.

Pages 69, 70, 75, 76, 78, 80, 82, 83, 127, Louis Héron, this name is problematic as François Louis Julien Simon Héron was knowns as François Héron or simply Héron

Page 70, 2nd column, 2nd paragraph: Ancien Regime needs to be corrected to Ancien Régime

Page 70, 2nd column, last paragrag: Certificate de civisme needs to be corrected to certificat de civisme (no -e at the end and not capitalized in French)

Page 70, 3rd column, 1st paragraph: "Robespierre n’a qu’un seul point faible: sa police, sa police secrete, détéstee par tout de monde." should be corrected to "Robespierre n’a qu’un seul point faible: sa police, sa police secrète, détestée par tout de monde."

page 70, 3rd column, 2nd paragraph cafes needs to be corrected to cafés

Page 70, 3rd paragraph: Quentin Fouquier-Tinville, this name is also a bit problematic as it was never used historically. Antoine Quentin Fouquier de Tinville was also known as Antoine Fouquier-Tinville which would be the proper form to use.

page 71, 2nd column, last paragraph: á la guiloitine! needs to be corrected to "À la guillotine!"

Same paragraph: Place de la Revolution. needs to be corrected to Place de la Révolution. The same correction needs to be done on page 71, 3rd column.

Page 76 1st column Antoine Quentin Fouquier-Tinville should be corrected to either Antoine Quentin Fouquier de Tinville or Antoine Fouquier-Tinville

Page 76 2nd arondissement. should be corrected to 2nd arrondissement or 2e arrondissement  if you wish ot use French abreviation.

Page 77, boxed text Duchess d’Orleans should be corrected to Duchess d'Orléans or Duchesse d'Orléans if you wish to use the French spelling of the title.

Page 80, right column, 1st paragraph:  to keep the French flavor Paris Bourse could be changed to Bourse de Paris

Page 86, right column. The 1D10 Sanity points for killing Fenalik.reward seems a bit odd as he wasn't involved in the second part.

I've amended my first port to indicate the pages where Notre-Dame needs to be Hyphenated

Edit: It's a great Scenario and I really like it. It may same like I'm nitpicking on the French, but as I mention back on the Yog-Sothoth forum, I'm a French as Second Language Teacher with 13 years experience, I'm quite aware of how hard and crazy my mother tongue can be to learn and use.

Edited September 22, 2017 by André Roy

[André Roy]

Page 95 first column: Louis-Julien-Simon Héron should be François Louis Julien Simon Héron

Page 97, 1st column (5 October): Versaille needs to be corrected to Versailles

Page 99, Caption of the picture: Hotel de Ville should be corrected to Hôtel de Ville

Page 100: Although it was used in earlier text Fervidor  had not been retained by Fabre himself (the man who created the name of the month) and was officially replaced by Thermidor. Maybe remove it as it never saw use beyond the inital reading to the Convention. "

Page 104 under NOBLE: the 1st sentence "The nobility can be divided into the nobles d’epee and the nobles d’ robe,[...]" needs to be corrected to "The nobility can be divided into the noblesse d’épée and the noblesse de robe,[...]"

page 105 under Social class: sans culottes needs to be hyphenated sans-culottes,

page 110, (and in the credit) la Malade Imaginaire ( The Imaginary Invalid (Female only)) may need to be change either Le Malade Imaginaire (The Imaginary Invalid (male or in general)) or La Maladie Imaginaire (The Imaginary Disease/Sickness).

page 110:  Truffldino needs to be corrected to Truffaldino 

Page 110 Agustin is a spanish Name. The French equivalent is Augustin.

Page 111under Shell Game:  Philp should be either Philip (If he's an Englishman), Philippe (If he's a Frenchman), or Felipe (If he's a Spaniard). The last 2 are more likely as Saint-Domingue is French but is right next to Dominican Republic which is spanish.

page 111, under Highly collectible: sans-cullotte should be corrected to sans-culotte (without the extra 'l')

page 112, under Fear of the Dark: Jaques should be corrected to Jacques

 

 

 

Edited September 23, 2017 by André Roy

[MOB]

16 hours ago, André Roy said:

Edit: It's a great Scenario and I really like it. It may same like I'm nitpicking on the French, but as I mention back on the Yog-Sothoth forum, I'm a French as Second Language Teacher with 13 years experience, I'm quite aware of how hard and crazy my mother tongue can be to learn and use.

Your corrections are greatly appreciated, as are the others! Now is the best time to get the text right, before we put it into print. 

[André Roy]

10 hours ago, MOB said:

Your corrections are greatly appreciated, as are the others! Now is the best time to get the text right, before we put it into print. 

Having finished the reading of the adventure, that's definitely something I'll be using with HotOE and as a Stand-Alone setting (annexes 3 and 4 are really helpful here).

Once the book is out on print, I'm getting  it...as it is the first time I get the PDF of a book before the print is done, I'm not too sure about the usual timing, but is it normal that I have not received the discount code yet? I realize you might be sending it only once, or around the time, the printed books are available. 

[Dave]

How much more time before you lock in the text? The busiest part of my week is past, and I'm thinking of diving back in, but only if it'll be useful.

[MOB]

13 hours ago, Dave said:

How much more time before you lock in the text? The busiest part of my week is past, and I'm thinking of diving back in, but only if it'll be useful.

Please do!

[MOB]

15 hours ago, André Roy said:

Once the book is out on print, I'm getting  it...as it is the first time I get the PDF of a book before the print is done, I'm not too sure about the usual timing, but is it normal that I have not received the discount code yet? I realize you might be sending it only once, or around the time, the printed books are available. 

Yes, when the printed book becomes available we'll send out the discount code to everyone who purchased the PDF from Chaosium.com.

[Dave]

Here's a little more.

 

Credits Page

Under the dedication, re-punctuate the second line: “We’ll always have Paris—roll SAN!”

 

Page 21

Third graph under “The Disturbance”: Add a comma: “Rigault’s patience snaps, and he commands…”

Second column, first graph under “into the Catacombs”: It appears you have an extraneous full stop at the end.

 

Page 23

First line, add a comma after “The Ghoul That Was Guillaume.”

You refer to Guillaume alternately as “he” and “it.” Maybe better to stick to one.

Under “The Captain,” do you really mean “comandeering” (as in, he’s now taking charge of them), or do you mean “commanding officer”? I suspect the latter, since I get the impression he’s always been the one to whom the serjeant reports.

You could lose the commas after “interruption” and “tall man.” I would recommend it.

In the second graph, since you’ve referred to other plurals since mentioning “the investigators,” I’d revise “More soldiers are following to replace them on guard duty” to “… to replace the investigators on guard duty.”

Second column, first graph, add a comma: “The people of Paris are starving, and the investigators…”

Below “Outside the Printing Press,” revise “…a long and dark building, which takes up…” to “… a long and dark building that takes up…” (If I were doing a first editing pass, I’d revise the entire sentence, since the press isn’t a building at all but the ground floor of one.)

In the next sentence, add a comma: “The wooden floor has been kicked open, and a frightened group…”

In the final graph, add a comma: “…She directed him to the door at the side of the building, and the aristo advised her…”

Incidentally, does one “draw a bolt” the way one “draws a curtain”? I’ve never heard that idiom, and an Internet search won’t give me an example. Perhaps “slammed and bolted the door” is cleaner.

 

Page 24

First line, add two commas (it’s usually fine to omit the first one, since the phrase is so short, but this particular sentence could be misread without one): “Soon after, the most terrible sounds came from the printer’s room, but she was too terrified…”

Under “The Murders,” “type setting” should be a single word, “typesetting.”

In the next sentence, “freshly-printed” needs no hyphen. You never need a hyphen when you use an adverb that ends in “-ly.” I know, it’s crazy. That’s what we get for speaking such a mongrel tongue. I blame the Dutch for this one.

I accept the inevitability of “their” as a non-gender-specific singular, but you could make the sentence in the third graph much more elegant with this revision: “All have had their throats slashed ...” (As it stands, you’ll want to change “throats” to “throat” if you use the modern singular.)

Two graphs later, add a comma: “…the terrible truth that, while Raymond…”

In the next graph, another “freshly-printed” that doesn’t need a hyphen. I’ll stop calling them out, but there are more, and you can find them easily with a careful search/replace.

 

Page 25

(Back on page 19, you don’t capitalize Prologue Narration, but you do in every other instance. Later, on page 58, you refer to it as Prologue Narrative. If you capitalize it, you should keep the name consistent.)

Under “The Investigators’ Report,” omit the comma: “Captain Malon arrives with more soldiers.”

 

Page 26

Second graph after “The Palace,” hyphenate “run-down.” Also, considering how many “ands” appear in that sentence, maybe it’s worth separating the short first independent clause with a comma after “…the buildings are run-down, and the shabbiness…”

First graph under “People of the Palace,” revise the second sentence to begin, “Their lives are determined…”

Also, add a comma: “…by position, favor, and birth, and governed …” (The final comma is debatable, but it aids clarity, so I suggest leaving it.)

I no longer have handy my old primer with the lovely section on hyphenated adjectives, but I believe you can omit the hyphen in “kind hearted” since it comes after the noun it modifies. That said, I found conflicting references online. Merriam-Webster makes it “kindhearted,” while others hyphenate. We’re in the dark chasm of the grammar underground with this one.

Next graph, add a comma after “brusque.”

It’s perhaps a fine point, but in the third graph the pages can’t provide proof of noble birth dating back at least 200 years. They can provide proof of noble ancestry dating back that far, unless they’re undead wizards.

On my PDF, the possessive “queen’s” looks compressed. If it’s not an anomaly of viewing it on the screen, your typesetter might correct it.

Hyphenate “lady-in-waiting.”

(Incidentally, I adore these historical details, some of which immediately inspire their own Mythos scenarios.)

Add a comma after “toilets.”

In the first graph of the third column, add a comma: “Absolute obedience is required, and any…”

In the second graph, correct “knocked” to “knocks.”

The hyphenated “no-one” is British, but you seem to default American, so use “no one.”

In the third graph, you have a long sentence that wants to promote some serial commas to semicolons: “She takes part in amateur theatricals; is a patron of the stage, opera, and ballet; embroiders; plays the clavichord; and spends her evening gambling…”

In the next graph, add a comma after “1789.”

 

Page 27

Since you abbreviate every other instance of “Apartments,” you might abbreviate “King’s Apts.”

(I love the maps and art in this one.)

 

Page 29

In the first bullet item, add a comma: “It is a terrible thing, but …” (Since the first clause is so short, it’s optional, but the emphasis it adds to the “but” is helpful.)

In the first graph after “Melodie Benoit,” add a comma after “blind.”

Under “Asking About the Comte,” omit the comma in the first bullet point.

Column two, third bullet point, omit the comma or add “she” before or after “now.”

 

Page 30

First graph after the first set of bullet points: omit the comma after “reservation.”

First of the second set of bullet points: omit the existing commas and add one after “day.”

 

Page 31

Since the explanation immediately follows, you don’t need the parenthetical “(see following)” just before “The Death of the Dauphin.”

Last graph before “A Kiss”: revise to “The investigators are given a letter that authorizes them…”

 

Page 32

First graph, revise to: “Shadows are dark among the trees, and the wildlife…”

Third graph, revise to: “A Hard Persuade roll breaks through the veneer, but, instead of an answer, the villager pleads …” (It’s stylistically okay to omit that second comma, but since this document usually uses it in similar situations, I’ve included it here.)

Second column, first graph: delete “of” before “reddish-pink.”

(Incidentally, I love it when the commentary includes suggested consequences for failed pushed rolls. I’d like to see that even more often in future products.)

In the final graph before “The House,” “might potentially” is almost comically redundant. I’d cut it to “might.”

After “The House,” omit the comma after “styles.”

“As the viewer gets closer” to “As the viewers move closer.”

[Dave]

 

Page 34

After “Kitchens and Pantries:” revise the first sentence to avoid the misplaced modifier: “prodigious feasts are produced in a vast kitchen that serves the Comte’s guests.”

 

Page 35

On the last line, omit the hyphen between “Female Louis XVI.”

 

Page 36

 

Under “The Host,” add a comma: “…the double doors suddenly swing open, and in walks…”

 

In the second and third graphs, lowercase both “king” and “queen” since you aren’t using them as titles but as nouns.

Likewise, at the top of the next column, “The comte.” (It’s “Compte Fenalik” but “the comte in question.”)

In the next graph, again you need no hyphen between “female Louis.”

Again, “the comte” is lowercase. This will be an easy search and replace if you do it with care. The tricky bit is when you write “the Comte Fenalik,” but since the title precedes the name, I think you’re right to keep those capitalized.

I overlooked previous instances of “the queen” (lowercase). For instance, back on page 14, it should be “The last queen of France,” but it would of course be “Queen Marie Antoinette and King Louis.” Incidentally, if you use it as an appositive, it’s also capitalized, as in “Louis, King of France.”

Also, the same is true of ranks, so it’s “Captain Malon,” but it’s “report to the captain.”

 

Page 37

Note that in the first sentence of the sidebar, “their captain” is lowercase.

Second graph in the second column, second sentence, add a comma: “There is proof of the excesses of the aristos in abundance, but that can be found…”

 

Page 38

Hyphenation and punctuation as noted previously. Careful search and replace will catch them.

 

Page 39

Under “The Doctor’s Advice,” omit the comma: "Captain Malon confides in Doctor Rigault and invites…”

 

Page 40

Under “Family Farewells,” revise “…time for investigators to go home…”

Second graph after “The Raid,” change “Locals” to “Common People” (or add “Common People” before “page 90” in the parentheses.

In the last sentence of this paragraph, omit the comma in the last sentence.

In the first graph under “The Guests Arrive,” revise “…each is told to remove their wig…” to “…all are told to remove their wigs…” and “…are given a bloody animal head…” to “…are given bloody animal heads…” Again, I’m suggesting this one not to avoid the non-gender-specific “their” but to keep the number (singular vs. plural) consistent throughout the sentence.

Have I mentioned this is the most beautiful publication you’ve printed since 7^th Edition arrived? Do whatever it takes to keep this artist busy with your products.

 

Page 45

You capitalize Proto-Vampires after not doing so earlier in the sidebar. I see no reason to capitalize it anyway.

After the “Keeper note:” revise “handover” to “hand over.”

Edited September 27, 2017 by Dave

[Dave]

Page 46

In the last sentence of column one, add a comma: “This is a pivotal moment, and …”

In the second column, omit a comma: “…whether they stand aside or whether they join ranks…” You could also cut the second “whether they.”

In the second graph, add a comma: “…know about this period of history, they might…” Also, at the head of the sentence, change “any” to “some” to keep the number consistent.

 

Page 47

In the first paragraph, delete “The” before “Finance Minister.”

In the sidebar, second bullet point, lowercase “occupation.”

In the graph that follows, demote the semicolon to a comma.

 

Page 48

In the first graph, omit the comma after “Captain Malon.”

Third graph, add a comma: “History knows that the Bastille falls, but, for this story, let the investigators…”

 

Page 52

In the middle of the first graph, revise: “The following information is intended for the Keeper to help understand the course of the Revolution, but it may be shared with the player as the Keeper sees fit.”

In column two, lowercase “finance minister.”

 

Page 53

Paragraph 3, lowercase “finance minister.”

Revise “no-one” to “no one.”

Add a comma: “A wave of destruction, looting, and panic spreads…”

In the last sentence of column 2, add a comma: …the power of the mob does not wane, and the bright hopes…”

On the following pages and elsewhere, I’d love to see the historical art credited.

 

Page 57

In the illustration caption, if you’re going to spell Docteur in the French manner, why not go all the way with Docteur des Ténèbres or the like?

In the sidebar, make it “five-year gap.” I haven’t commented on every use of numerals in the text, and I don’t know whether you’re using Chicago or another style manual, but this one is obtrusive.

Second column, third graph, add a comma: “…under the direction of Maximillian Robespierre, and, as hysteria…”

Also, in the same sentence, make “who is” and “who are” consistent. I would go with “is.”

In the final graph, hyphenate “round-the-table.”

 

Page 58

Hyphenate “press-ganged.”

In the second paragraph, omit the comma.

In the third, add a comma after “sacrifice.”

Under “Where did you fight?” in the last sentence, add a comma after “region.”

In “What of your families?” second graph, add commas after “upside down” and after “serve in the army.”

In the sidebar, second graph, omit the comma after “one-half.”

After the Keeper note, the first sentence needs revision for a muddled modifying phrase. I suggest:

               “Keeper note: in inviting the players to say what has happened to their investigation, the Keeper may find that they declare their loved ones have been executed.”

The following sentence could also be clearer. I suggest revising “them” to “the investigators” and simplifying what follows the em-dash, perhaps: “—making their decision about whom to sacrifice at the end of Part Two that much more dramatic.”

 

Page 60

Under “Keeper Background: Part Two,” second graph, add a comma after “basement of horrors.”

 

Add another comma after “comes to understand that.”

Hyphenate “thirty-year-old” (because of the implied “man” or “being,” it’s adjectival).

In the sidebar, paragraph three, revise for clarity: “Additionally, considering granting each investigator +1D6 points of Cthulhu Mythos in addition to any points gained through episodes of insanity. Fenalik’s basement of horrors showed them that the material world is paper-thin.”

In the second column, add a comma after “feed enough souls to Azathoth.”

Delete the unnecessary “of magnitude.”

 

Page 62

First paragraph, omit the comma in the second sentence, the one after “Dreamlands.”

Also omit the comma after (The Supreme Void).

In the first sentence after “Start: June 1794,” add a close parenthesis after “1793.”

Rather than “conflated by,” I suspect you intend “conflated with,” or possibly you want a different verb entirely.

In the first bulleted item, add a comma after “de-Christianization campaign.” Since certain sections of the text are more strict about such commas (which modern usage considers optional), you might also add one after “but” and before “since.” The document as a whole isn’t consistent, so omitting that one is fine.

Stannis called: “fewer than six.”

Second column, under “Citizen Rigault”: add a comma after “grim.” (This one’s optional, but it doesn’t hurt and might aid clarity.)

It might be worth explaining that a hessian sack is a burlap sack. The former is a very uncommon term in North America. Also, in the last sentence you have the number shift again. I suggest: “All wear hessian (burlap) sacks over their heads.”

If you’d like to avoid the awkward punctuation, revise “A close inspection reveals his skin is whiter—perhaps a trick of the light?”

Revise the final sentence: “Once the crowd is cleared, the investigators are to guard the entrance, to allow no one in, and not to obstruct the workers moving the bones.”

 

Page 64

First graph, hyphen and comma: “... by anonymous tip-off, and, on seeing the investigators, will similarly report…”

Third graph, revise for number: “The cart drivers sit glumly on their wagons, leaving as soon as their carts are emptied.”

Next graph, omit the comma after “Catacombs.”

Next graph, revise the text after the em-dash: “—a lantern hangs outside the entrance, and two hang from each cart.”

Next graph: “Once the investigators are able to descend, it becomes…”

Add a comma after “hooded workers.”

Column two, graph three: “…filled with sudden rage and drops its armload of skulls, and then it attacks…”

“five rounds”

Final graph, first line, revise: “Beyond the investigators’ lanterns, a dim purple phosphorescence gives off an eldritch light.”

Change “whorl” (a noun) to “whirl” (verb).

 

Page 65

Under “An Ally Unseen,” add a comma after “hisses.”

[Mike M]

Many thanks.

I have collated all of the corrections and passed them on to Nick for the files. 

Much appreciated proofing!

 

[groovyclam]

Big round of applause for Dave and André for their hard work.

[MOB]

Great review of Reign of Terror here:

"Morrison’s love for this work shines through, and a reader easily recognizes the care and painstaking attention he and his team spent on this project… (There are) times when the players — the actual players — will want to run screaming from the room. It’s scary and it’s creepy and it’s gross and it will definitely give your more impressionable players nightmares. Just like it ought to."

https://reckoningofthedead.com/2017/09/30/chaosiums-latest-reign-of-terror/