M Helsdon

Most civilized Gloranthan military technology (at least in central Genertela) is roughly equivalent to that of the 3rd or 4th Century BC. The Persian Empire, Alexander the Great, and his Successors all had relatively complex logistical systems, reliant upon roads, and depots. An army of that era of any size simply couldn't survive by foraging or relying upon independent sutlers turning up at convenient times (the problems encountered by the Ten Thousand during their long retreat provides ample illustration of the difficulties involved). Given that the Lunar Army has close parallels with the Persian and the Macedonian armies, it will require similar forms of supply. Without it, no major force can operate more than sixty miles or so from its home base. Central Genertela is 'Bronze Age' because bronze is more common than iron (once smelting techniques were developed, the opposite is true in our world) and because it closely mirrors the sort of world most Bronze Age cultures believed they inhabited. The apparent military technologies (hoplite phalanxes, cataphracti etc.) are all early to middle Iron Age, and the necessary logistic would be as well.

I have a great deal on logistics, ranging from what an infantryman requires, to speculations upon high level Lunar logistics. I'm not certain if I am at liberty to share the material...

Hi Jeff, Have made a few changes to the 'booklet' and have a few more planned. I have also received a few requests for access (possibly because of this post, which I've only just noticed), but have directed them to you, as it infringes your copyright material. There's now a shorter 94 page draft in DropBox, in addition to the 300 page version (which is about to grow...) New material will relate to shields (having read a few more books on the 'archaic' period of Greek warfare, there are a number of new shield types to add) and there's a significant factor relating to the comparison of shield-wall versus phalanx, amongst other things. Most of the new things about chariots have already been included (but possibly not in the version you have).

Little free time today. Page 71: burtae – should be – Burtae [as per every other instance] General: boggles are mentioned on pages 54 and 56, but never explained. Suggest boggle should be in italics. Page 56: There’s wasted space (an odd blank space). Could have a filler illustration. Page 57: Mostal tradition – might be - Mostali tradition Page 57: Dwarfs supported the Gbaji experiment – given context should be - Dwarfs supported the Osentalka experiment – or - Dwarfs supported the Nysalor experiment [Nysalor is used later on this page.] And, that seems an appropriate point to stop. Given the number of typos, errors, and grammatical errors previously reported, there are undoubtedly more. However, the deadline approaches, and having spent thirty or forty hours on the earlier pdf draft in 2016, and roughly the same time in 2018, it becomes a matter of diminishing returns. If Chaosium needs readers and checkers prior to, and after layout, some of us are able and willing to help.

Main issues today are systemic: The first instance of a deity’s name in bold in the first few chapters is not always implemented, and in later chapters is replaced by headings. Too late to unify the two variants, so the comments below highlight deviations in the relevant chapters, with easy fixes. Usage of a capital letter when a pantheon is named. Page 16: Lunar pantheon – should be - Lunar Pantheon Page 67: thwart creation – in original was - thwart Creation Page 68: lay within the earth – in original was - lay within the Earth Page 70: the deities of power – should be - the deities of Power Page 71: mindless Law – should be - mindless Law [previously reported as a ‘might be’ but now checked against original] Page 71: There roamed Hykimi – should be - There roamed Hykim – or perhaps - There roamed the Hykimi [the former was used in the original text] Page 71: The separation of Power from Elements seems to have existed – should be - The separation of Power from the Elements seems to have existed Page 71: Red Class Tower Joke – should be - Red Glass Tower Joke [in original text, reported before] Page 72: The deities of the court were: - start of a new paragraph and should be indented. Page 72: Goddess of Harmony and Peace; - should be - Goddess of Harmony and Peace, Page 72: Lady of Trickery and Deceit; - should be - Lady of Trickery and Deceit, Page 72: Spirit of the elements – should be - Spirit of the Elements Page 72: The elements also followed a process – should be - The Elements also followed a process Page 72: In it the elemental deities – should be - In it the Elemental deities Page 72: These, then, are the ancient deities of the Celestial Court – should be a new paragraph Page 76: in a Third Age Lunar document – suggest Third Age is superfluous, considering when this document is supposedly written, early in the Hero Wars Page 76: like The Twins – should be - like the Twins Page 76: Neither of these enjoyed much of a cult – should be - Neither of these enjoy much of a cult Page 78: upon the Surface Plane – suggest - upon the Surface World [as per usage elsewhere, Surface Plane not used anywhere else] Page 78: to an eternal glory of endless fighting – original says - to an eternal glory of endless fighting upon the fringes of the cosmos [which makes sense as they will be fighting against Chaos] Page 79: Kaldar and Sinjota – should be - Kaldar and Sinjota Page 79: Sunbiter is called Deathound as well – should be - Sunbiter is called Deathhound as well [previously commented on spelling, but original indicates it should be in bold as well] Page 79: to hide in the underworld – should be - to hide in the Underworld Page 80: Darkness deities that were popular – should be - Darkness deities that are popular Page 80: worshipped most of the above – should be - worship most of the above Page 81: Sramak or Sramake – should be - Sramak or Sramake Page 83: The Ocean of Terror - should be - The Ocean of Terror Page 83: The Western Ocean – should be – The Western Ocean Page 84: called Phargon – should be - called Phargon Page 84: The eldest is Manthi himself – should be - The eldest is Manthi himself Page 84: Second is Natea – should be - Second is Natea Page 84: Sshorg is the Prince of the Ocean of Terror – should be - Sshorg is the Prince of the Ocean of Terror Page 84: Banthe is the Prince of the Western Ocean – should be - Banthe is the Prince of the Western Ocean Page 84: Lorian is the third son – should be - Lorian is the third son Page 84: Magasta is the third child – should be - Magasta is the third child Page 85: Wachaza is half-brother – should be - Wachaza is half-brother Page 85: The Blue Moon is a secret and mysterious – should be - The Blue Moon is a secret and mysterious Page 85: can confirm that there should be a header before ‘Waertag was the first to make a boat and take to the sea for life.’ Original header was: The Cults of Sailors Page 85: Waertag was the first – should be - Waertag was the first Page 86: Wachaza is the second great cult – should be - Wachaza is the second great cult Page 86: Dormal is the third sailor cult – should be - Dormal is the third sailor cult Page 86: Their child was Malkion – might be - Their child was Malkion [at this point the format within Elemental Pantheons changes, so this comment may not be valid] Page 87: the following Elemental Pantheon chapters have a very different format to the previous two. Probably too late to provide a consistent presentation. So the Deities of the Earth probably can’t follow the same format with the first use of a deity name in bold because headers are used instead… Page 95: The Celestial pantheon of Sky and Fire – should be - The Celestial Pantheon of Sky and Fire [see usage of Sea Pantheon] Page 97: Before creation – should be - Before Creation Page 97: or even Ga – only mention of Ga in the document, suggest it be removed. Page 100: Orlanthi Air pantheon – should be - Orlanthi Air Pantheon Page 100: the name used in the western lands – might be - the name used in the Western lands Page 103: Lightbringers pantheon – should be - Lightbringers Pantheon Page 106: Orlanth pantheon or the Lightbringers pantheon – should be - Orlanthi Pantheon or the Lightbringers Pantheon Page 106: Darkness pantheon – should be - Darkness Pantheon Page 119: Orlanthi pantheon – should be - Orlanthi Pantheon Page 149: Lunar pantheon – should be - Lunar Pantheon Page 162: Lunar pantheon – should be - Lunar Pantheon Page 170: Lunar pantheon – should be - Lunar Pantheon Back page: Lightbringer and Lunar pantheons – should be - Lightbringer and Lunar Pantheons

Wolf Runners Type Light Infantry Armor Werewolf hide Weapons Javelin, broadsword Morale Regular 4 Patron Deity Telmor Notes Sartarite; ½ are skirmishers, ½ fierce dogs. Magic Factor Low 3 Missile Factor 1 Melee Factor 3 This unit was founded in 1628, from the victors of those Sartarites who destroyed the Telmori. They wear the pelts of the defeated Telmori and gain magical powers every Wildday. The wolfskins cover their heads and shoulders, fastened by crossing and knotting the forelegs over the chest.

I am informed that the last day for comments on the Sourcebook is tomorrow, the 2nd March. Today I will attempt to work through at least a chapter again.

Page 9: and broke the Cosmic Compromise that binds the world together – should be - and breaks the Cosmic Compromise that binds the world together Page 9: and notated – no annotations, remove. [Suspect I’ve made this comment before] Page 9: a Dragon that voluntarily remained in this material world – should be - a Dragon who voluntarily remained in this material world Page 9: The storm god – should be - The Storm God Page 10: of Dragon power and knowledge – suggest - of Dragonic power and knowledge Page 10: most in the Stinking Forest – should be - mostly in the Stinking Forest Page 10: the Brown Elves covered much of what was later the Bush Range, Grazelands, and Beast Valley – seems incomplete, suggest - the Brown Elves covered much of what was later the Bush Range, Grazelands, and Beast Valley with forest Page 11: gorging on the foes – should be - gorging on the foe Page 11: and drinking intoxicating drinks – suggest - and quaffing intoxicating drinks Page 11: creature. Creatures – suggest - creature. Beastmen Page 11: Ironhoof was born then – should be - Ironhoof was reborn then [He’s been reincarnated many times] Page 11: When the Hero Wars period began, the general increase of magical energies seemed to attract the Beastmen from their hidden lairs again, and they could often be seen marching or scouting for any of the major combatants. Mercenary regiments of half-men were often hired, while Ironhoof himself would lead his armies in person where their interests were involved – suggest shift to present tense: As the Hero Wars begin, the general increase of magical energies seems to attract the Beastmen from their hidden lairs, and they can often be seen marching or scouting for any of the major combatants. Mercenary regiments of half-men are often hired, whilst Ironhoof himself leads his armies in person where their interests are involved. Page 12: The divine line of Vingkotling kings made their capital there – should be - The divine line of Vingkotling kings made their capital here Page 13: ingratiating them into his realm – might be - integrating them into his realm Page 13: to fight the darkness – should be - to fight the Darkness Page 14: They included the Torkani, Culbrea, Dundealos, Malani, and Balmyr. Other smaller, or less victorious, groups probably existed even then, but we have no record of them – but the Sambari are mentioned a few paragraphs down, and should be included in this list? Page 14: The tribes that moved into the region were collectively called the Quivini, after the Quivin peaks in their region – suggest - The tribes that moved into the region were collectively called the Quivini, after the Quivin peaks Page 14: humans to surrender and treat with the Beastfolk fairly. After they surrendered, he was given his arms back – suggest - humans to surrender and treat with the Beastfolk fairly. After they capitulated, he was given his arms back Page 15: was still forbidden to all humans of Peloria – might be - was still forbidden to all humans Page 15: Lunar progress halted – might be - Lunar progress southwards halted Page 17: Shakers Temple – form on page 6 is – Shaker Temple – form on page 16 is - Shaker’s Temple [Suggest standardize name used] Page 17: was born 1430 – should be - was born in 1430 Page 17: Verala Tor (born 1544, Feathered Horse Queen from 1565–1582, Queen of Dragon Pass 1579 to 1582). The daughter of Yoristina and an unknown father, she became Feathered Horse Queen in 1568 – two different dates for becoming FHQ. (And two different dates in this paragraph for becoming QofDP). Should be - Verala Tor (born 1544, Feathered Horse Queen from 1565–1582, Queen of Dragon Pass 1575 to 1582). The daughter of Yoristina and an unknown father, she became Feathered Horse Queen in 1565 Page 17: from 1625 on) – clumsy. Suggest - from 1625) Page 18: Sartar Prince (1592–1620) – should be - Sartar Prince (1492–1520) Page 18: Moirades Prince of Sartar – should be - Moirades King of Tarsh Page 18: (1605– ) – should be - (1605–Present) Page 19: a leader rose from this cult – suggest - a leader rose in this cult Page 20: The Puppeteer Troupe was, in peaceful times – should be - The Puppeteer Troupe is, in peaceful times [Whole tense of this paragraph needs to be altered to present tense] Page 20: In the Lesser Darkness Donandar, - should be - In the Lesser Darkness, Donandar, Page 22: He ruled Sartar, and conquered Prax and the Holy Country, but lost all three when the Dragon rose – Pharandros didn’t rule any of these places? Page 22: The princes of Boldhome continued – should be - The Princes of Boldhome continued Page 22: ancient city of Pavis – suggest - ancient city of Old Pavis [to distinguish the Big Rubble from New Pavis, which is mentioned on this page.] Page 23: the diagram might include a label identifying the Hon-eel dynasty/Lunar Kings, which starts with Phoronestes Page 24: two Sartar Kings, Jarolar and Jarosar – same page says Jarosar was killed by Lunar spirits (sent, perhaps by Phargentes?) Page 27: They decorated the main corridor – should be - They decorate the main corridor Page 28: Dormal cults, welcomed Sartarite refugees – should be - Dormal cults, and welcomed Sartarite refugees. Page 28: His secrets were quickly institutionalized – might be - His mysteries were quickly institutionalized Page 28: seeking to avenge the death of their prince – should be - seeking to avenge the death of their Prince Page 29: Lunar army – should be – Lunar Army [as per usage on this page. General comment probably made before – a few examples noted below] Page 30: Moirades died during sexual intercourse during a religious ceremony – might be - Moirades died during sexual intercourse in a religious ceremony – or - Moirades died during sexual intercourse in the course of a religious ceremony Page 30: Moirades eldest son, Pharandros – should be - Moirades’ eldest son, Pharandros Page 30: Lunar army – (twice) should be – Lunar Army Page 31: The Empire easily crushed such rebellions – might be - The Empire easily crushed such revolts Page 31: Lunar army – should be – Lunar Army Page 31: sought this as fulfillment – should be - sought this as the fulfillment Page 31: whole following of Urox berserks – might be - whole warband of Urox berserks Page 31: with chaos headaches – should be - with Chaos headaches Page 33: and he commanded the Veterans Cavalry – might be - and he had commanded the Veterans Cavalry Page 33: Fazzur was the prince’s main advisor, and the real ruler of Sartar, as Temertain was unfit for leadership. The Red Emperor sent a spy, Estal Donge, to keep the prince occupied, and she and Fazzur were soon rivals – should be - Fazzur was the Prince’s main advisor, and the real ruler of Sartar, as Temertain was unfit for leadership. The Red Emperor sent a spy, Estal Donge, to keep the Prince occupied, and she and Fazzur were soon rivals. Page 33: Nochet is diverse and is a microcosm of Glorantha. If the Heortlings of Nochet were a single tribe, they would outnumber any of the tribes of Sartar. Dark trolls brush shoulders with Vadeli sailors. Kralorelans, Seshnelans, Melibites, and even Fonritians have enclaves, with their own temples and shrines – believe this should be ordinary text and not have a bullet point. Page 34: rebel gods – should be - Rebel Gods Page 34: Even more problematic, Broyan – should be - Even more problematically, Broyan Page 34: Fazzur received reinforcements from King Pharandros - reads as the start of a new paragraph and should be indented. Page 34: Lunar army – should be – Lunar Army Page 34: As a result of this failure - reads as the start of a new paragraph and should be indented. Page 35: Lunar army – should be – Lunar Army Page 35: With Orlanth’s last temple fallen - reads as the start of a new paragraph and should be indented. Page 144: lowest label on map not readable – seems to say ‘prince’ – looking in the GtG label should be TRADER PRINCES And that concludes my second pass through the 2018 version.

As the Sourcebook is intended as an introductory book, it might be enhanced by the inclusion of a glossary? A glossary would fix some of the reported problems. There’s space on page 213 if the Chaosium dragon were moved to page 219. Not very elegant, but…? Suggest: Animal Nomads: nomads in Prax and the Wastelands, who ride beasts such as impalas, bison, and sable antelopes, and to whom horses are taboo. Arachne Solara: name given to an otherwise unnamed deity who may be the Goddess of Nature in Glorantha. Chaos: Glorantha is a fragile bubble of existence in an infinite maelstrom of chaos. In forming, the cosmos emerged from chaos into a state od order. The Gods War weakened the fabric of that order, and readmitted chaos back into the world. God: entities existing eternally in the God Time. They include great powers such as Orlanth, and less powers such as the gods of cats or sheep. Mortals offer prayers and sacrifices to the gods in exchange for magic. Dawn: the first rising of the Sun from the Underworld at the culmination of the Lightbringers’ Quest. Dawn Age: the first five centuries after the Dawn comprise the Dawn or First Age. Glorantha: a magical world, not a planet floating in space. The Inner World, the world of mortals, is shaped like a huge cube of Earth floating in a limitless sea of water. God Learners: a very powerful people from the island of Jrustela. They formulated a world-wide view combining all the philosophies they encountered across the world. Their studies permitted them to dominate the coastal lands of Glorantha for much of the Second Age, before nature sprang back and destroyed them. God Time: the eternal, endless, and reoccurring era of the gods. Mythical events prior to Time were non-sequential and simultaneous actions, not subject to the order of lineal or cyclical time. Gods Age: another term for the God Time. Heortling: the Orlanth-worshipping peoples of Sartar and Heortland. Hsunchen: Eastern term for the tribes of Mesolithic hunter-gatherer beast people. Hsunchen live together with their beast brothers – the animals of their totem – whom they claim as their ancestors and kinfolk. Krjalki: Western term for non-humans, but also applied to creatures of Chaos. Orlanth: the chief god of the Heortlings. He destroyed the world by releasing Death, and recreated it anew by leading the Seven Lightbringers to liberate Life and Light from the Underworld. Pentans: Sun-worshipping horse nomads who rule the grasslands east of the Lunar Empire. Red Goddess: the goddess of the Red Moon arose into being in Time. She is hated for her embrace of Chaos, and feared for her great power. Seven Mothers: the secret council who resurrected the Red Goddess. Their cult is now especially powerful at the edges of the Lunar Empire where it provides instructive temples. Spirit: discorporate entities present in all portions of nature – animals, plants, rocks, winds, fire, soil, water and so on. Some are servants of the gods; more often they are independent and serve only their own needs. Telmori: at the Dawn, the Telmori were like other Hsunchen tribes, where humans and animals mixed freely. Nysalor blessed the Telmori so that their hides in wolf shape could not be cut, crushed, or mangled by ordinary weapons. This blessing tainted them with Chaos. Theyalan: name was given by the God Learners to the Orlanthi, taken from their name for the goddess of the Dawn, Theya, because their culture was so important in the Dawn Age. Time: history in Glorantha is the sum of events occurring since Time began with the first Dawn. Underworld: the dark and dangerous place under the Earth where dead souls go. It is home to demons, shades, and other beings of Darkness. Wolf Pirates: sea pirates who ravage the coasts of Glorantha during the last decade. They are led by Harrek the Berserk.

Probably more comment duplications.... Page 37: emperor Yelm – should be - Emperor Yelm Page 37: Gagix Two-Barb - Gagix Two-barb on page 42. Which is correct? [Probably reported before] Page 37: devouring scorpions – should be - devouring scorpion men [Probably reported before] Page 37: and their factions thrown out of many cities – should be - and their faction thrown out of many cities Page 37: Grazeland Horse Army to help them – might be - Grazeland Horse Army to help her Page 37: Stinking Woods – should be - Stinking Forest [Variant names will be confusing for newcomers] Page 37: and insects – might be - and giant insects Page 38: led by Greymane – only mentioned on this page. Suggest - led by the barbarian Warlord Greymane Page 38: The Lunar lifted their useless siege – should be - The Lunars lifted their useless siege Page 39: larger gap than usual below the header DRAGONRISE Page 39: seemed timed to some other, invisible sun – might be - seemed tied to some other, invisible sun Page 39: In Kethaela, King Broyan - reads as the start of a new paragraph and should be indented. Page 39: Belvani to retreat to Pavis – suggest - Belvani to take refuge in Pavis Page 40: call heaven down to earth – might be - call Heaven down to Earth Page 40: would easily have recognized – suggest - would easily recognize Page 40: nomads invaded the eastern satrapies – should be - nomads had invaded the eastern satrapies Page 40: her breaking voice – suggest - her intermittent voice Page 40: always at its brightest full stage – should be - always at its brightest full phase [Believe have made this comment before] Page 40: folks of Orlanth’s Ring – should be - folk of Orlanth’s Ring – or - bearers of Orlanth’s Ring Page 40: the denizens of the City – not clear (perhaps intentionally) whether this is the temple complex or the constellation, the Celestial City. Suggest - the denizens of the Celestial City Page 40: where once stood the New Lunar Temple – might be - where once had stood the New Lunar Temple Page 41: Kallyr called for an assembly of all leaders at the city of Boldhome – should be - Kallyr called for an assembly of all Sartarite leaders at the city of Boldhome Page 41: Kallyr Starbrow was named Prince and warlord – should be - Kallyr Starbrow was named Prince and Warlord [as per other usage] Page 41: Kheldon Ring – suggest - Kheldon tribal Ring Page 42: The Sartarite army was smaller- reads as the start of a new paragraph and should be indented. Page 43: had conquered Oraya satrapy – might be - had conquered the Oraya satrapy Page 43: Argrath alone among the contestants – suggest - Argrath alone among the contenders [‘contestants’ used twice in close proximity] Page 43: and plundered the folks there – might be - and plundered the folk there Page 43: to Three Step Isles – should be - to the Three Step Isles Page 43: At Two-Ridge Fort – should be - At Two Ridge Fort Page 44: He joined Argrath before the Battle of Sword Hill and is one of the Companions – should be - He joined Argrath before the Battle of Sword Hill [We know he’s a Companion from the heading…] Page 44: He is one of the Companions of Argrath – superfluous statement. Page 44: He entered Argrath’s service after the Battle of Pennel Ford and is one of the Companions of Argrath – should be - He entered Argrath’s service after the Battle of Pennel Ford [ditto] Page 44: believed to have taught Argrath draconic secrets. He is one of the Companions of Argrath – should be - believed to have taught Argrath draconic secrets. [ditto] Page 44: against his fellows in Sun County – should be - against his fellows in Sun County in Prax Page 44: Count of Sun County in Sartar. He is one of the Companions of Argrath – should be - Count of Sun County in Sartar. [ditto] Page 44: secrets of life and death. She is one of the Companions of Argrath. – should be - secrets of life and death [ditto] Page 44: He entered Argrath’s service in 1624 and is one of the Companions of Argrath – should be - He entered Argrath’s service in 1624 [ditto] Page 45: The holy folks stood – might be - The holy folk stood Page 45: Onelisin is the daughter – should be - Onelisin was the daughter Page 45: the First Prince of the land – Saronil was - the Second Prince of the land Page 45: cyclone upon the man – should be - cyclone upon him Page 49: beastmen – should be – Beastmen Page 49: These tree spirits are very much like the dryads of classical Greek mythology – should be – These tree sprits are a lithe and feminine race of embodied plant spirits Page 49: Their elves and Trees – should be - Their elves and trees – or - Their elves and Great Trees [Believe the latter is more likely] Page 49: brightening greenery flowers – should be - brightening greenery, flowers Page 51: It has been generally agreed that the various forms of dragonewt are different stages of development, but this is unproved – and then goes on to say - Dragonewts go through four stages in their life cycle, described below – both statements cannot be valid. I believe the former is a remnant overtaken by subsequent canon, and might be deleted. Page 52: The appearance of a full priest resembles that of a noble – should be - The appearance of a full priest resembles that of a tailed priest Page 52: This is a source of consternation to fighters in the area – might be - This is a source of consternation to human fighters Page 52: who claim monopoly there – should be - who claim a monopoly there [not clear where this market is] Page 52: Second Council s – should be - Second Councils Page 52: dragonewts rose from secret – should be - dragonewts rose in secret Page 53: The Mostali (called dwarfs) – should be - The Mostali (called dwarves) [Believe I’ve reported this as a general error – will ignore other instances throughout this chapter] Page 54: The Spike is an edifice – should be - The Spike was an edifice Page 54: depths of the earth and piercing the sky. Under the earth – should be - depths of the Earth and piercing the sky. Under the Earth Page 54: But this withdrawal of Law was no punishment to the outlaws – should be - But this withdrawal of Law was no punishment for the outlaws Page 54: the groaning sky from its place, thrusting it away from the earth – might be - the groaning Sky from its place, thrusting it away from the Earth Page 54: Vadrus, a storm god – should be - Vadrus, a Storm God [as per usage elsewhere] Page 54: When Death entered the world – start of paragraph, should be indented. Page 56: Their occupation became to make articles of war. They also developed the skills of using those tools, and so Iron is now also the Mostali god of war – seems to be some missing text. Checking where this material has been previously published, it should read: With their great skill and magic, the council made the Ninth Container, the Crucible of Iron. Together, they created the Iron Mostali, whose occupation was to make articles of war. They also developed the skills of using those tools, and so Iron is now also the Mostali god of war Page 56: which are the sources of – should be - which are the source of Page 56: Goddess of Death within the earth – should be - Goddess of Death within the Earth Page 56: Some fell to chaos – should be - Some fell to Chaos Page 57: races to fight chaos – should be - races to fight Chaos Page 57: When the sun rose – might be - When the Sun rose Page 58: their own areas – should be - their own area Page 58: Types of trolls include the Mistress Race (uzuz), Dark Trolls (uzko), Great Trolls (uzdo), Trollkin (enlo), and Cave Trolls (romal) – suggest - Types of trolls include the Mistress Race, Dark Trolls, Great Trolls, Trollkin, and Cave Trolls [Because the Uz names are given again immediately afterwards] Page 58: uzuz, uzko, uzdo, enlo and romal should be in italics. Page 58: tainted by chaos – should be - tainted by Chaos Page 58: deities of darkness – should be - deities of Darkness Page 59: The Sazdorf trolls have stated a duplicate – should be - The Sazdorf trolls have stated that a duplicate Page 59: In their ancestral home, the Mistress Race – start of paragraph, should be indented. Page 60: the burning sun – should be - the burning Sun Page 60: The death of the Sun and the appearance of the trolls– start of paragraph, should be indented. Page 60: Lesser Dark of the Great Night – should be - Lesser Darkness of the Great Night Page 61: Their departure revealed a thinly populated revealed a region thinly populated by indigenous tribes previously enslaved by the nomads – should be - Their departure revealed a region thinly populated by indigenous tribes previously enslaved by the nomads [Probably reported before] Page 61: slaughtering as they went – suggest - slaying as they went Page 61: in the appearance of trollkin litters – suggest - in the advent of trollkin litters Page 61: and the powerful army – should be - and their powerful army Page 61: shameful compromise – should be – a shameful compromise Page 61: worshipped chaos – should be - worshipped Chaos Page 61: cleanse a region – might be - cleanse the region Page 61: arrives on the surface world – should be - arrives on the Surface World Page 62: broke the demigod’s wounds again – might be - broke the demigod’s wounds open again Page 62: the foes of chaos – should be - the foes of Chaos Page 62: and helped conquer the islands – should be - and helped them conquer the islands Page 62: Karastrand Halftroll was a leader – reads as the start of a new paragraph and should be indented. Page 63: of the occupation – might be - of the Occupation Page 65: exercised tremendous influence – should be - exercise tremendous influence [problem with tense and authorship of the texts] Page 65: various elemental Runes – should be - various Elemental Runes Page 66: Fourth Row: Aether – looks more like Yelm! Suspect caption is in error. Page 66: Eighth Row: Dame Darkness, encompassing the Father of Demons and the Mother of Space – might be - Eighth Row: Dame Darkness, encompassing the Father of Demons and the Mother of Space, and surrounded by gods and demons of the Underworld Page 67: and the natural - called the naturalist viewpoint on page 137. However, as ‘animalist’ is used later on this page, suggest - and the naturalistic animalists – or - and the natural of the animalists Page 67: origin of the theist universe – might be - origin of the theistic universe Page 67: perfect void – might be - perfect Void Page 67: The Kralorelan religion – might be - The Kralori religion Page 67: world through manipulation of Knowledge and Power – might be - world through the manipulation of Knowledge and Power. Page 67: prime mover – should be – Prime Mover

Page 68: There’s a larger problem with: Mallia was a Death Goddess captured and enslaved by Chaos (or who freely joined, depending on the version being told). As one of the Unholy Trio, she was part of the blasphemous ritual made by Ragnaglar, Thed, and some others which allowed Chaos into the world. She was the Death contact, and though she eventually broke from the alliance she was never free of the taint. Thus, her type of death seems unclean and vile, often full of needless suffering which cannot be abated except by magic. She is still worshipped by the unclean broos, and she is dependent upon them for her survival as a being of power. She also receives propitiatory worship from much of the rest of the world, but this is much less than that of the broos. I believe this might read: Mallia was a healing goddess born of Darkness, captured and enslaved by Chaos (or who freely joined, depending on the version being told). As one of the Unholy Trio, she was part of the blasphemous ritual made by Ragnaglar, Thed, and some others which allowed Chaos into the world. She was the Fertility contact, and though she eventually broke from the alliance she was never free of the taint, corrupted to become an agent of Death. Now, her type of living death seems unclean and vile, often full of needless suffering which cannot be abated except by magic. She is still worshipped by the unclean broos, and she is dependent upon them for her survival as a being of power. She also receives propitiatory worship from much of the rest of the world, but this is much less than that of the broos.

Checking through my earlier comments, believe one was in error. Correction is: Page 161: He was reknowned – should be - He was renowned

More problems with tense, and some uncertainty of ‘when’ this document is set. There will inevitably be comment duplications because of the number of issues found on each pass. Page 44: climb primeval Spike – should be - climb the primeval Spike Page 60: Empty void – should be - Empty Void [as per page 129] Page 67: Empty void – should be - Empty Void [as per page 129] Page 67: Grand Ancestor Dragon – should be - Grand Ancestral Dragon [as per other usage] Page 68: When meditations were complete – should be - When its meditations were complete Page 68: geography than creatures – might be - geography than living creatures Page 68: life span – should be – lifespan Page 70: Next of the Cosmic Bird – should be - Nest of the Cosmic Bird [scanning error?] Page 70: the cosmos without giving fairly – should be - the cosmos without, giving fairly Page 70: creation(s) – clumsy, suggest – creations Page 70: It is claimed that the secret of the Court’s creation lay in the harmonious juxtaposition of two balanced and harmonious opposites whose mutual existence – might be - It is claimed that the secret of the Court’s creation lay in the concordant juxtaposition of two balanced and harmonious opposites whose mutual existence Page 71: mindless law – might be - mindless Law Page 71: Upon this slope grew Aldrya, First Tree – should be - Upon this slope grew Aldrya, the First Tree Page 71: Glorantha and/or Umath – suggest - Glorantha and Umath Page 72: local interpretations of this varied – should be - local interpretations of this vary Page 73: The bowl of heavens – should be - The bowl of the heavens Page 73: sky god – should be – Sky God [as per usage elsewhere] Page 74: The Xeotam Dialogues were popular amongst educated Malkioni in the late Third Age – might be - The Xeotam Dialogues are popular amongst educated Malkioni in the Third Age [Not certain what to do about the ‘late’ as this book is set in ‘1627’] Page 74: more widely God Learner titles – should be - more widely used God Learner titles Page 74: Gether (twice) – is Gethor in GtG. Page 75: immortal Men – might be - Immortal Men – or - immortal men [Probably the former] Page 75: thus gain Power – should be - thus gaining Power Page 75: compel the powers of deity – might be - compel the powers of a deity Page 76: The fiery sun itself – might be - The fiery Sun itself Page 76: and described in a Third Age Lunar document – might be - and is described in a Third Age Lunar document Page 76: the later elements – might be - the later Elements Page 76: Worship of Nakala was as insubstantial as she was, but it was she who was recognized in every shadow – might be - Worship of Nakala is as insubstantial as she is, but it is she who is recognized in every shadow Page 76: the court’s greater – should be - the Court’s greater Page 76: The Father of Demons and The Mother of Space – should be - The Father of Demons and The Mother of Space Page 76: Neither of these enjoyed much of a cult, but were more noted – might be - Neither of these enjoy much of a cult, but are more noted Page 76: His wife was Subere – should be - His wife is Subere Page 76: who knows all mortal’s crimes and righteous deeds – should be - who knows all a mortal’s crimes and righteous deeds Page 78: mentioned elsewhere this issue as one of the Six Earths – should be - mentioned later as one of the Six Earths Page 78: the Surface Plane – might be - the Surface World Page 78: Mallia was a Death Goddess – should be - Mallia was a Fertility Goddess [later described as a goddess of birth – I believe canon has shifted since this section was written] Page 78: She was the Death contact, and though she eventually broke from the alliance she was never free of the taint. Thus, her type of death seems unclean and vile – should now be - She was the Fertility contact, and though she eventually broke from the alliance she was never free of the taint. Thus, her type of life seems unclean and vile Page 78: map cropped on the left – Gates of Dusk ‘G’ is cropped. Page 79: Bimbaros was called Porter to Hell in Lunar documents – should be - Bimbaros is called Porter to Hell in Lunar documents Page 79: sky’s zenith – should be - Sky’s zenith Page 79: Only Old One is the son – might be - Only Old One was the son Page 80: Sea God and a Darkness goddess – should be - Sea God and a Darkness Goddess Page 80: and her cult manifested itself – should be - and her cult manifests itself Page 80: They also worshipped most of the above. Additionally, the deities below could be worshipped by non-trolls, but were primarily popular with the Children of Darkness – should be - They also worship most of the above. Additionally, the deities below can be worshipped by non-trolls, but are primarily popular with the Children of Darkness Page 80: When the Yelm came – should be - When Yelm came Page 80: Xiola Umbar was a goddess of kindness and, as such, a stranger among the trolls. She is the goddess who comforts those lost in the darkness, and who gives solace to the weak and helpless. Among trolls, her priestesses cared for the trollkin, and many tales mention her as aiding heroes or other souls lost in Hell – should be - Xiola Umbar is a goddess of kindness and, as such, a stranger among the trolls. She is the goddess who comforts those lost in the darkness, and who gives solace to the weak and helpless. Among trolls, her priestesses care for the trollkin, and many tales mention her as aiding heroes or other souls lost in Hell. Page 81: and is the Goddess of Oaths – should be - and she is the Goddess of Oaths Page 81: page number detracts from the diagram. Page 81: suggest: Sramak or Sramake is the hermaphrodite of the trio. He was the first-born, and thus had the most potential. The two who followed were but dull echoes of her internal potentials, but they in turn were better developed in more subtle ways. He is sometimes called the Primeval Ocean. One of her nicknames is “One Water.” He is sometimes called the most mundane of the trio, consisting of the very water and blood of the world. She is an abstraction without personification. He is the great water upon which the earth floats and which separates Earth from the Underworld. She is sometimes called the Waters Beneath the Earth. [Consistent with later usage of Androgeus. It seems odd to identify a deity as a hermaphrodite and then call it ‘He’] Page 83: The third son is called the Homeward Ocean – should be - The third son is called the Homeward Ocean Page 83: He was twisted and thrown, but held – might be - He was twisted and thrown, but held on Page 83: sea temples – might be - Sea temples Page 83: he is now known as the god of rain, and he is known as a carrier of the wealth and richness from his parents – suggest - he is now known as the god of rain, and is known as a carrier of the wealth and richness from his parents Page 83: Sea Elves or sea elves? Both used on this page. Page 83: Tholaina, the Queen of Beasts – should be - Tholaina, the Queen of Beasts Page 84: With a conquered sky spirit – might be - With a conquered Sky spirit – or - With a conquered Sky Spirit Page 84: who is Fish Father – should be - who is the Fish Father Page 84: The Manthie is a general term – should be - Manthie is a general term Page 84: there are three of them in the first generation – should be - there were three of them in the first generation Page 84: lesser races (Triolini) – suggest - lesser races, the Triolini, Page 84: Rune of Change/Motion – suggest - Rune of Change and Motion Page 85: birth of earth and sky – should be - birth of Earth and Sky Page 85: anyone to the Otherworld – might be - anyone to the Underworld Page 85: he is most feared – should be - he is the most feared Page 85: She is a daughter of Darkness and waters – might be - She is a daughter of Darkness and Waters Page 85: killed and fell to the earth – might be - killed and fell to the Earth Page 85: wrestling with a great Dragon – should be - wrestling with a great Sea Dragon Page 86: discovered various aspect of ships – should be - discovered various aspects of ships General: war god – should be -War God [usage varies] Page 86: he rediscovered many of the arts of the Diros cult, and make ships to sail the seas – should be - he rediscovered many of the arts of the Diros cult, and how to make ships to sail the seas Page 85-86: these pages move from the Manthie to sailor cults with no new heading. Suggest there should be header – Seafarer Cults or Sailor Cults – above the text - Waertag was the first to make a boat Page 87: Earth worshippers – usual usage is - Earth-worshippers Page 87: world-wide – should be – worldwide Page 87 - upon the forms and powers – might be - upon the Forms and Powers Page 87: etiological – more common form, and closer to the original Greek is aetiological [Doctrine of causation – but how many readers will know what the word means? Suggest using Doctrine of Causation instead] Page 87: All the elements – might be - All the Elements Page 87: Animal Rune – should be – Beast Rune Page 87: When the elemental deities and power gods – should be - When the Elemental deities and Power gods Page 87: borders of the elements – might be - borders of the Elements Page 87: between elements – might be - between Elements Page 89: part of the earth – might be - part of the Earth Page 89: much of the earth – might be - much of the Earth Page 89: within her Grandmother – Asrelia has no grandmother (unless this the obscure Ga) and so this should be - within her Mother Page 89: in God Time – might be - in the God Time Page 89: Throughout Time and legends these sisters have maintained a close relationship – reads as though it might be a separate paragraph and should be indented? Page 90: Earth mother – should be - Earth Mother [as per usage elsewhere] Page 90: She danced upon the earth – might be - She danced upon the Earth Page 90: queen of the gods – might be - Queen of the Gods Page 92: Each region of the world has its own special grain or land goddess. Most are daughters of Gata and Genert – might be - Each region of Genertela has its own special grain or land goddess. Most are daughters of Gata and Genert [Pamaltela has its own equivalents?] Page 92: Minlister – otherwise not mentioned. Might be – Minlister, God of Brewing Page 92: Daruda the first Dragon Empire – should be - Daruda the first Dragon Emperor Page 92: together gave birth – should be - together they gave birth General: land goddess, land goddesses – might be – Land Goddess, Land Goddesses [usage varies] Page 93: but receded into the background in the Third Age – suggest - but has receded into the background in the Third Age. General: Dragon’s Nest or Dragons’ Nest? Dragon’s Nest – map on page 93 Dragons’ Nest – page 92, page 94, page 129 Page 94: king of the gods – should be – King of the Gods [as per usage elsewhere in document] Page 94: mother of the newtlings – might be - Mother of the Newtlings General: worshiped and worshipped used throughout the document: worshiped 27 times; worshipped 38 times. Recommend worshipped should be used throughout. Page 94: intrinsically creepy to mankind – suggest - intrinsically unsettling to mankind Page 94: . When all the universe was frozen or dead, High King Elf came to the rescue of the world’s forests – should be - . When all the universe was frozen or dead, High King Elf came to the rescue of the world’s forests – or else this is a new paragraph and should not have a bullet point. Page 137: spirit-worshippers – should be - Spirit-worshippers Page 172: god-worshipping – should be - God-worshipping

Better to make a comment that might be rejected, than not make a comment that might report an error. And the comment is in the context: Vadrus was infamous among the Yelm cultists because he was such a determined enemy of the Sky Gods. It was Vadrus who first led Vadrudi armies across the surface of the world to seize wives for themselves. From this illicit union (sic) sprang the first of the hill-loving humans who worshipped the Storm Gods in the Golden Age. So the comment is questioning whether there were 'hill-loving humans who worshipped the Storm Gods in the Golden Age'. I might have worded it better, but had been working through the document for three hours by the time it was made - will enhance.

A number of systemic problems are apparent: Changes in tense between past and present when in many cases, as an in-world Gloranthan document, things should be in the present tense, unless they occurred only in the past. Capitalization of He, She, Him, Her, His etc. when referring to a major deity. In general, I believe the Lunar document about the Lunar gods should always give a capital letter to any refences to the Red Goddess. In the Theogony, probably not. Capitalization of classes of things (usually deities or pantheons) varies. I am attempting to identify instances that should conform to the most common usage. Page 6: Earth goddesses – should be - Earth Goddesses [As per usage on this page and elsewhere] Page 20: Cosmic Court – should be – Celestial Court Page 75: air gods – should be – Air Gods [as per usage elsewhere] Page 78: god of Death – should be – God of Death [as per usage elsewhere] Page 87: Earth goddesses – should be - Earth Goddesses [As per usage on this page and elsewhere] Page 93: page number covers a name on the map. Suggest the page number be removed. Page 94: sea god – should be – Sea God [as per usage elsewhere] Page 95: even if individuals Fire Gods – should be - even if individual Fire Gods Page 97: Thus, the sky was separated from the earth forever – might be - Thus, the Sky was separated from the Earth forever Page 97: side effects – might be – side-effects Page 97: above the earth – might be - above the Earth Page 97: sky was ripped from the earth – might be - Sky was ripped from the Earth Page 97: luxates – might be in italics; ditto page 98 Page 97: suffered the least for it – possibly - suffered the least from it Page 98: star-worshippers – should be - Star-worshippers Page 99: where dwell the stars and planets which is touched by dark Night – should be - where dwell the stars and planets which are touched by dark Night Page 99: the Give of Life and Death – should be - the Giver of Life and Death Page 99: and Lord of the Four Quarters – should be - Lord of the Four Quarters Page 99: Cosmic Court – should be – Celestial Court [Also affects the index…] Page 99: Yelm arranged the world to be its good way – might be - Yelm arranged the world to be in its good way [Can’t work out what this is intending to say] Page 99: it for Yelm’s return – suggest - it for his return Page 99: half of his time in the sky and half in the Underworld – suggest - half of his time in the Sky and half in the Underworld Page 100: sometimes received a single item which gave them specific powers – should be - sometimes receive a single item which give them specific powers. Page 100: This institutes a strict aristocracy with great command over the followers – might be - This institutes a strict aristocracy with great command over the commoners Page 100: stock of followers – suggest - stock of subjects Page 100 : God King – might be - God-King [General comment] Page 100: imperial leadership of the king – should be - imperial leadership of the Emperor Page 100: didn’t allow – should be – did not allow [More formal] Page 100: In Kralorela, the sun disk – should be - In Kralorela, the Sun Disk [as per usage elsewhere] Page 100: The view is not without reasoning – might be - This view is not without reasoning Page 100: is called Sunstop – should be - is called the Sunstop Page 102: costing him some of himself – might be - costing him something of himself Page 102: mounted their horses – might be - mounted their chariots Page 103: loaded them with goods – should be - and loaded them with goods – or - loading them with goods Page 104: caress of the earth – might be - caress of the Earth Page 104: are the known fires of the earth – should be - are the known as the fires of the earth – and perhaps - are the known as the Fires of the Earth Page 105: Oakfed is the last Lowfire – should be - Oakfed is the last Lowfire Page 106: upon the ground and placed his hands on the sky – suggest more mythic to say - upon the Earth and placed his hands on the Sky Page 106: lands of the dead – might be - Lands of the Dead Page 108: middle air – should be – Middle Air [As per usage elsewhere] Page 108: wastelands of Genertela – might be - Wastelands of Genertela Page 108: vegetation of the earth – might be - vegetation of the Earth Page 108: them to hell – should be - them to Hell Page 108: man to see – suggest - man to perceive Page 109: Orlanth survives Vadrus’ rampage – might be - Orlanth survived Vadrus’ rampage Page 109: about 850 – might be - about 850 ST Page 109: From this illicit union – should be - From these illicit unions Page 109: the Storm Gods in the Golden Age – might be intentional, the comment is questioning whether there were 'hill-loving humans who worshipped the Storm Gods in the Golden Age'. Might be - the Storm Gods in the Storm Age Page 109: prophet god – might be – prophet-god Page 109: Vadrudings – earlier usage on this page is - Vadrudi Page 109: face of the earth and the sky – suggest should be - face of the Earth and the Sky Page 109: places of the air – might be - places of the Air Page 110: followers if they need it – might be - followers if they deserve it Page 110: Kagan Tor – should be – Kargan Tor Page 111: It is critically important to understand – as start of a paragraph should be indented Page 111: different gods with competing priesthoods – suggest - different deities with competing priesthoods Page 111: holy days – should be – Holy Days Page 112: His attributes are primarily atmospheric phenomena such as cloud, wind, and the thunderbolt. His interests are primarily fertility and life-oriented – suggest - His attributes are primarily atmospheric phenomena such as cloud, wind, and the thunderbolt. His interests are principally fertility and life-oriented Page 112: his many lovers – suggest - his many paramours Page 112: Orlanth’s myths strongly defined the Hero Wars – should be - Orlanth’s myths strongly define the Hero Wars Page 112: The third, the Great Quest, shows his highest achievements; attempting to meet his greatest responsibilities – the third with a heading is Orlanth’s Wooing of Ernalda. The fourth, The Lightbringers’ Quest, has no heading. The sentence needs rewriting, and the Lightbringers’ Quest requires a header. Page 112: in their pillage – might be - in their pillaging Page 113: Kolat was unwavering – reads as though it is the start of a new paragraph and the start should be indented Page 113: Orlanth also had a famous foe in his kinsman Thryk – start of a paragraph? Page 113: who is often called Winter Giant – should be - who is often called the Winter Giant Page 113: kinstrife – should be in italics? Page 113: Splendourbread – should be Splendorbread [as per American spelling?] Page 113: Splendourbread and drinking Soma – Soma and Splendourbread should be in italics? Page 113: rain god – might be – Rain God Page 115: and/or his son – clumsy, suggest: or his son, or both father and son Page 115: Light gods and the troll and Darkness Gods – should perhaps be - Light Gods and the troll and Darkness Gods Page 115: with roarers roaring – might be - with roarer roaring [Only one bullroarer was previously mentioned] Page 115: missing gap between the lines: Are you wise enough to see?” Orlanth: “I see many things: Each thing you give me Page 116: and took oaths to the other – should be - and took oaths each to the other Page 116: Lightbringers’ Quest missing a heading – as noted above. Page 116: worked their-way – should be - worked their way Page 117: gods of time – might be - gods of Time – or - Gods of Time Page 118: The Theyalans say – this term is not explained in the book. See also use of Theyalan Unity on page 49. Theyalans also used on page 92. Need to state early on that this name was given to the Orlanthi by the God Learners and is taken from their name for the goddess of the Dawn, Theya. Page 118: his owner’s wife – might be – his captor’s wife - or - his lord’s wife Page 119: Found Child – (twice) is Foundchild elsewhere. Also affects index. [Sure I’ve reported this before] Page 119: and was considered – might be - and is considered Page 119: and who is invoked – should be – and is invoked Page 120: god of Disorder – might be - God of Disorder Page 120: god of Motion – might be - God of Motion Page 120: The place was called Larnste’s Footprint, in the Holy Country – should be - The place is called Larnste’s Footprint, in the Holy Country. Page 120: Kajabor is another major enemy in this age. Kajabor is mistakenly called ‘Underworld’ in some older documents – should be - Kajabor is another major enemy in this age. Kajabor is mistakenly called ‘the Devil’ in some older documents Page 122: Earth god – should be - Earth God [As per usage elsewhere] Page 122: ranking spirit – might be – ranking god – or – ranking deity Page 122: Seolinthur, river god for Genert’s realm – should be - Seolinthur, the river god of Genert’s realm Page 123: The struggles were rarely so successful – might be - Their struggles were rarely so successful Page 123: fell from the sky – might be - fell from the Sky Page 123: Ragnaglar was the brother of Orlanth, Humakt, and Storm Bull – but page 120 says - Ragnaglar, whom some call kinsman to Storm Bull – As this chapter purports to have been written by an in-world author, it should express the same uncertainties. Page 123: In recent times Ragnaglar survives as only a nursery tale, for he was slain by Storm Bull – might be - In Time Ragnaglar survives as only a nursery tale, for he was slain by Storm Bull Page 125: in to the torn fabric of the world – should be - into the torn fabric of the world Page 126: The knowledge god instead found the knowledge – suggest - The Knowledge God instead found the wisdom Page 126: the Death/Darkness deity – suggest – the deity of Death and Darkness Page 126: knowledge god – (twice more) suggest - Knowledge God Page 127: in Genertela – should be - in central Genertela [Kralorela is part of Genertela] Page 128: In the Third Age, the Red Goddess woke the cult – might be - In the Third Age, the Red Goddess reawoke the cult

As a general comment I would again note that the map keys and many of the notes and dates are unreadable unless enlarged. In a printed book they will be too tiny to read. Regret having to report this but the tint (or taint) of background color is contributing to eyestrain. It’s trendy for layouts to include background color, but would request that in future, color might be restricted to illustrations, maps, and borders. May be okay when printed, but on a screen… Page 1: IN 1966, GLORANTHA FIRST BURST – no other chapter begins in this form. Suggest - In 1966, Glorantha first burst Page 1: sable antelope, and even rhinos – might be - sable antelopes, and even rhinos [the usage of a plural for antelope varies in the real world...] Page 1: founding and going until the early Hero War – might be - founding up until the early Hero War Page 1: that served Prince Argrath – should be - that serve Prince Argrath Page 3: god of winter – might be - God of Winter Page 6: by Brithini – might be - by the Brithini Page 6: loyal to the Red Empire – should be - loyal to the Red Emperor - or - loyal to the Lunar Empire Page 7: it forms the mighty Poralistor River – might be - it flows the mighty Poralistor River Page 7: the Mother of the Hsunchen, - the savage Animal Tribes, and the dedicated supporter – should be - the Mother of the Hsunchen - the savage Animal Tribes - and the dedicated supporter Page 7: Pamaltela – subsection title is the wrong size. The font should be same size at that used for Genertela on page 3. At present, it is the same size as the subsection headers of the Land Goddesses. Page 130: helping the grandmothers unselfishly – should be - helping the Grandmothers unselfishly Page 130: of his knowledge and endurance – might be - of his or her knowledge and endurance Page 131: land of the dead – should be - Land of the Dead Page 131: goddess of Nature – might be - Goddess of Nature Page 133: The world of Glorantha is 1627 – some chapters refer to events after this date. Page 133: after a great and timeless darkness – might be - after a great and timeless Darkness Page 133: first sunrise – might be - first Sunrise Page 133: elements blundered – might be - Elements blundered Page 134: The more important of those who did are outlined in this book – might be - The more important of those who did were outlined earlier in this book Page 134: ./l/w/1614 – should be Runes followed by year. Page 134: Events of the goddess’ lifetime – should be - Events of the Goddess’ lifetime Page 134: explained below – should be – explained on the next page Page 135: One Day on Glorantha is the time needed for the sun to traverse the sky from east to west. One night is the time needed for the sun to traverse the Underworld from west to east again – suggest - One Day on Glorantha is the time needed for the Sun to traverse the sky from east to west. One night is the time needed for the Sun to traverse the Underworld from west to east again Page 135: aligned with an elemental Rune – might be - aligned with an Elemental Rune Page 137: The years following the first sunrise – suggest - The years following the first Sunrise Page 137: Four primary cultures survived the Darkness to establish dominant cultures – suggest - Four primary human cultures survived the Darkness to establish dominant cultures Page 137: even before time began – should be - even before Time began Page 137: Central Peloria – should be - Central Genertela [Have previously identified this, but now offer a solution] Page 139: liberated from another stage of consciousness – might be - liberated to another stage of consciousness – perhaps - liberated to another level of consciousness Page 139: god of light – might be – God of Light Page 140: tradition for mistrusting knights – might be - tradition of mistrusting knights Page 141: They achieved special freedom – might be - They achieved special freedoms Page 141: and Brithos disappeared also – suggest - and Brithos also disappeared Page 143: The city-states squabbled – might be - The city-states of Ralios squabbled Page 143: herself the great piece of earth – might be - herself a great piece of earth Page 147: This section – suggest – This chapter Page 147: hundreds of kilometers away – unit usage [commented upon before] Page 148: Lady of the Wild – might be - Lady of the Wilds Page 149: some other titles – where are the others? Perhaps should read – some titles Page 149: The Red Goddess founded the Lunar religion, a strange mixture of mysticism and practical magic, of barbaric cruelty and dignified beauty, of freedom and of tyranny – would a Lunar writer call their own religion strange, barbaric and tyrannical? Suggest - The Red Goddess founded the Lunar religion, an extraordinary mixture of mysticism and practical magic, of exacting cruelty and dignified beauty, of freedom and of compulsion. Page 149: she embraces – might be - She embraces [See also comment on ‘her’ and ‘Her’. Usage varies] Page 149: However, other beliefs that shared many of the same characteristics (most specifically the extraordinary state of mind that fundamentally transforms the individual): Umbarism – missing text? This sentence doesn’t make sense. Suggest: However, other beliefs that shared many of the same characteristics (most specifically the extraordinary state of mind that fundamentally transforms the individual) are: Umbarism Page 149: In the Third Age, Illumination is most prevalent within the Lunar Empire, where the philosophy is widespread among worshipers of the Red Goddess and the Seven – more missing text. Page 151: living goddess of Love and War – might be - living Goddess of Love and War Page 153: It includes a fragmentary codicil written that could not have been written before 8/2 (1627) – should be - It includes a fragmentary codicil that could not have been written before 8/2 (1627) Page 153: 1220 (0/0) – suggest – The year 1220 (0/0) Page 155: the Carmanian War God (Humakt) – should be - the Carmanian War God, Humakt, Page 155: harassment and plain desire – should be - harassment and a plain desire Page 155: In 0/8 – ST date? Page 155: 0/10 – ST date? Page 155: Goddess’s Mothers – should be - Goddess’ Mothers [Usage inconsistent] Page 156: She came riding atop the demon – paragraph start should be indented. Text box seems to be in the wrong place. Page 156: to intercept at Raibanth – should be - to intercept Her at Raibanth [Note: when referring to the goddess sometimes she is ‘Her’ and sometimes ‘her’. Usage should be consistent]. Page 157: When copied the pdf text has the following, but the text in blue is not visible on the page! On the day before the Lunar scouts encountered the Carmanian outposts, the monstrous Cacodemon was sent by the Red Goddess against the Carmanian priests. The Chaos demon and his allies were driven off by a small deity from Ssar On Gror, who was born of Darkness and had the shape of a giant scorpion Page 158: but enemy superiority – might be – but the superiority of the enemy Page 158: Dark Sides – might be – Dark Aspects Page 158: into the Surface World – might be - onto the Surface World Page 159: itself joined – might be - itself joined in Page 159: A year into the fight, the Red Emperor appeared for the first time – but earlier it states Doskalos the Sword in the Eye was there already, and page 161 tells us he was the Red Emperor. Suggest this might read - A year into the fight, Doskalos was revealed to be the Red Emperor for the first time Page 159: The Hidden Castles were magical places – should be - The Hidden Castles are magical places Page 159: The inhabitants were evidently immortal to a “natural” death, or else were extremely long-lived. They were generally of considerable power, but seemed lacking in ambition or ability to expand far beyond their own flickering properties. Nonetheless, they were unusually good-natured if unprovoked, and it was easy to maintain friendly relations with them, whether the friends, who occasionally offered sacrifices as well, were human, troll, Aldryami or Mostali – should read - The inhabitants are evidently immortal to a “natural” death, or else are extremely long-lived. They are generally of considerable power, but seemed lacking in ambition or ability to expand far beyond their own flickering properties. Nonetheless, they are unusually good-natured if unprovoked, and it is easy to maintain friendly relations with them, whether the friends, who occasionally offered sacrifices as well, were human, troll, Aldryami or Mostali. Page 159: The most famous images depicting this quest is a set of seven plates – suggest this be removed as the plates are not shown here (they were, when it was originally published in WF). Resume at page 128 [Am reading chapters and sections mostly in reverse order]

No slave market has ever been identified in or around Pavis. Instead, the sale of slaves near Pavis is probably informal, or formally carried out at Pimper's Block.

Herd men have the Man Rune but are not sapient.

Page 154: map: date of Four Arrows of Light obscured by place symbol. Page 154: not clear what the arrows heading west from Carmania dated 1200 and 1215 refer to. Resume at Page 155 Page 160: THIS DRAWING IS TAKEN – should be - This drawing is taken Page 161: map dates Sky Burn to 1277, but it lasts 1277-1279 Page 161: map says Sky Burn – should be - Skyburn Page 161: Moon Burn on map but Moonburn on page 15 (and in GtG) Page 161: Pure-Horse People – on map but should be – Pure Horse People Page 163: was taken to the presence – might be - was taken into the presence Page 163: The entire Wane was marked by war in this sector – might be - The entire Wane was marked by war in this region Page 163: (2/12) – ST date? Page 163 They had been wandering south through Jarst and Garsting wreaking havoc upon land and spirits, and defeated several terrible armies which attempted to fight him – should be - They had been wandering south through Jarst and Garsting wreaking havoc upon land and spirits, and defeated several terrible armies which attempted to fight them Page 163: exile, then began – should be - exile, and then began Page 163: Hero, was one of the allies – should be - Hero was one of the allies Page 164: the Blood Kings mentioned above – might be - the Blood Kings mentioned before Page 164: Char-un Kahn – should be - Char-un Khan Page 164: 1/49 – ST date? Page 164: the dwarfs – the dwarves [General comment made before] Page 164: In 2/29 (1330) trouble broke out – as paragraph start should be indented Page 165: difficult to correlate the dates in the west of the map with the text. The arrow from the Sweet Sea is labelled 1332 but page 166 says: In 2/25 (1326) Bindle, aided by other Sweet Sea allies and the Char-un tribes, went to war against the Empire Char-un invasion is labelled 1326 but page 166 says: In 2/30 (1331), the Char-un changed sides and the Bindle army was defeated in two successive battles. Fall of Worian is dated 1313 but not mentioned in text? Page 167: She prepared the cities’ grounds herself – should be - She prepared the city’s grounds herself Page 167: At the far side mounted a war unicorn – should be - At the far side she mounted a war unicorn Page 167: burst brilliant – might be - burst brilliantly Page 167: surrendered to the daughter – might be - surrendered to the Daughter Page 167: Iphigios, came to the city – which city? Suggest should be - Iphigios, came to Jillaro Page 167: so called – should be – so-called Page 167: warrior women, wives, or people who honor the arts – should be - warrior women, wives, and people who honor the arts Page 168: Hwarin-Ong – should be - Hwarin-ony [May have detected this in 2016] Page 169: In 3/33 (1388), Sylilan refugees formed an army which reinforced Alkoth – map on page 168 has the battle marked as 1389 Page 169: In 3/42 (1397), a large army marched north from Sylila to relieve the city of Alkoth – map on page 168 has the battle marked as 1395 Page 170: demi-god – should be – demigod Page 170: over a hell – might be - over a Hell Page 170: Lunar front – might be - Lunar frontier Page 171: Forantin – this state is present on the map but not mentioned in the text. Page 171: Map: Sheng Seleris on Moon 1419. Text (page 173) suggests 1448. Page 171: Kitor (and battle there) should be on the map? Page 171: Karantes on map but battle there not shown. Page 172: God-Learning – should be – God Learning Page 172: In 4/14 (1423) – map says 1443 Page 172: Sylila sent a secret army into Alkoth – should probably be - Sylila sent a secret army into Henjarl Page 172: Lunar refugees to concentrate – might be - Lunar refugees to congregate Page 173: In 4/34 (1442) trouble fell first amid the very heart of Peloria when Sheng Seleris revealed the power which he had stolen from the Emperor in their wrestling match of 3/34 (1389), 54 years earlier – no, 1442 – 1389 is 53. Dates suspect? Page 173: of his path on the mortal world – might be - of his path in the mortal world Page 173: God King – might be - God-King [General comment] Page 173: ravenkaaz – should be in italics? Page 173: demons of hell – might be - demons of Hell Page 174: expectations of rewards – might be - expectation of rewards Page 174: All the acknowledged – should be - All the people acknowledged Page 174: In 4/54 (1463), imperial troops slaughtered the nomads at Yuthuppa – map on page 171 says 1462 Page 175: who grazed their stock – might be - who grazed their herds Page 175: villagers and the nomad overlords – might be - villagers and their nomad overlords Page 176: During the early Wane, the Provinces (Vanch, Imther, Holay, Saird) – Saird is not a province at this time. Might read: During the early Wane, the Provinces (Vanch, Imther, and Holay) Page 177: eighteen years ago – suggest - eighteen years before Page 177: She turned right back – might read better as - She returned Page 177: the earth-goddess – should be - the Earth-goddess Page 177: through the countryside of Sylila – suggest - throughout the countryside of Sylila Page 178: future sultanate – should be – future satrapy Page 178: died in the success – might be – died in the process – or – died in the enterprise Page 178: She danced for it – should be - She danced for her Page 178: In hell – might be - In Hell [General comment] Page 178: dawn of time – should be - dawn of Time Page 178: power and making her birth easy and light – should be - power to make her birth easy and light Page 179: beginning of time – should be - beginning of Time Page 179: The Imperial Army of the South was east – should be - The Imperial Army of the South was sent east Page 179: Syndic’s ban – should be - Syndic’s Ban Page 180: Syndics Ban – should be – Syndic’s Ban [may have been reported in 2016] Page 180: The effects varied – suggest - The results varied Page 180: The cause for the Syndic’s Ban’s lifting – reads oddly, suggest - The cause of the lifting of the Syndic’s Ban Page 180: Closing of the seas – should be - Closing of the Seas [may have reported this in 2016] Page 180: side effect – should be – side-effect Page 182: settled further in the Redlands – should be - settled further into the Redlands Page 182: no virulent rebellion quelled on the interior – quelled means ‘put down’ so the sentence doesn’t make sense. Suggest: no virulent rebellion simmered in the interior – or - no virulent rebellion festered in the interior Page 182: even though the formality and ritual combat often went on for hours or days before any blood was shed – should be - even though the formality and ritual combat often goes on for hours or days before any blood is shed. Page 182: Much deadlier were the “secret games.” Again, the imperial nobility were the targets of these contests. The most secret magical agents were used, although cruder methods (such as hiring Harrek the Berserk) were occasionally used – should be - Much deadlier are the “secret games.” Again, the imperial nobility are the targets of these contests. The most secret magical agents are used, although cruder methods (such as hiring Harrek the Berserk) are occasionally used Systemic problem: past tense often used for ongoing actions. Comment stands for the rest of this page where tense swings between past and present. Page 182: up to 85% - jarring, suggest: up to four fifths [not quite the same, but less ‘modern’] Page 182: since it interfered with the nobles only if the Emperor’s taxes were ever interfered with – suggest - since it interfered with the nobles only if the Emperor’s taxes were ever obstructed Page 183: but Eel-ariash proved – should be - but the Eel-ariash proved Page 183: He spent 6/23 – ST year? Page 183: was performed at Sacred Time – should be - was performed at the Sacred Time Page 184: the Red Emperor reminded that – should be - the Red Emperor reminded them that Page 184: Subsequently there had been some unrest – should be - Previously there had been some unrest Page 185: (in 7/17), and the Bronze, Brass, and Bone Proxies (in 7/20) – ST dates?

Nice art.

Or from different cultural traditions. Even amongst the Orlanthi there is likely to be a wide range of representations, due to local traditions and the influence of neighboring cultures.

Now reading the document instead of ‘looking’ for bugs. This will take some time. Page 76: Gods Time – God Time in the rest of the document Page 137: the Lightbringer agents went, these agents of civilization – suggest - the Lightbringer agents went, these envoys of civilization Page 185: Voor-Ash on map should be Voor-ash. Page 186: on so called – should be - on so-called Page 186: The Red Emperor took back command that had rested in the hands of the Proxies – reads oddly, suggest - The Red Emperor took back the offices that had rested in the hands of the Proxies – or - The Red Emperor took back the authority that had rested in the hands of the Proxies Page 186 - including Hon-eel – might be - including that of Hon-eel – or including the Eel-ariash, the clan of Hon-eel – or – including the Eel-ariash Page 187: served as his chief advisors and prevented lesser advisors – might be - served as his chief counsellors and prevented lesser advisors Page 188: and confident populace – should be - and the confident populace Page 189: as the powers of the gods shifted and the fortunes of men changed – should be - as the powers of the gods shift and the fortunes of men change Page 189: In 7/53 (1624), the Voor-ash appeared in strength – appears to be a new paragraph, and should be indented. Page 189: Jar-eel the Artess – should be - Jar-eel the Razoress Page 189: Third Battle of Chaos – when was the Second Battle of Chaos? Not mentioned in the Wane histories. Possibly the Nights of Horror were the Second Battle of Chaos. Page 189: By end of 8/1 (1626) – should be - By the end of 8/1 (1626) Page 191: usually the last one accepted in the common world – Air appeared after Sky, so not the last one commonly accepted. Page 192: There are several other theories about the Power Runes besides this dualistic one, but we know that this theory was popular during the Hero Wars period. Some other philosophers claimed that there was a gradual step-building pattern among the deities, which follows the established Creative Devolution theories - Gloranthan Magic: this chapter is written as though long after the Hero Wars. Suggest that to remove this, the text might read: There are several other theories about the Power Runes besides this dualistic one, but this theory is popular during the early Hero Wars. Some other philosophers claim that there was a gradual step-building pattern among the deities, which follows the established Creative Devolution theories Page 192: Regardless of the truth, it is important to remember that most people, including the magicians of the time, knew very little about these Powers except the rudest beginnings of their spiritual potential – as per comment above - Regardless of the truth, it is important to remember that most people, including the magicians of this time, know very little about these Powers except the rudest beginnings of their spiritual potential Page 198: still were voluntary abdicated – should be - still were, voluntarily abdicated Page 198: rejected that as a separate – should be - rejected it as a separate Page 199: disguised with a glamour – perhaps clear from context, it might be wise to explain that a glamour is a Lunar magic spell. Page 200: The essential system of Gloranthan energy exchanges lies in the inherent duality inherent in the spiritual and physical fabric of the cosmos – reads oddly. Perhaps - The essential system of Gloranthan energy exchange lies in the inherent duality inherent in the spiritual and physical fabric of the cosmos Page 200: Magic is the interaction of the Mortal and God Worlds – as start of a paragraph should be indented. Page 200: of services and vow – might be - of services and vows Page 200: A successful and aggressive heroquesters – should be - A successful and aggressive heroquester – or - Successful and aggressive heroquesters Page 203: The Pantheistic method, as was active in Dragon Pass, and later, central Genertela – contradicts Page 137: Central Peloria gave birth to the theistic way of life. [It might be argued that these two chapters were written by different authors, but it isn’t clear that all chapters are in-world documents.] Page 203: almost beyond communication – might be - almost incapable of communication Page 203: from a synthesis of Western sorcery – suggest - from a fusion of Western sorcery [‘synthesis’ is repeatedly used in text] Page 204: pain from the world, and plunging the Sun God into the Underworld to join the ranks of the lesser dead – suggest - pain from the world, plunging the Sun God into the Underworld to join the ranks of the lesser dead Page 205: Hero and hero used interchangeably. Page 205: vacuum – used repeatedly, suggest similar terms be used: vacuity, vacancy - to enhance readability Page 206: Argrath was forced to flee his home on Starfire Ridge – reads as the start of a new paragraph and should be indented. Page 206: from the dragons – might be - from the Dragons Page 206: territorial origins – should be - territorial origin Page 206: and made a kitchen slave – should be - and was made a kitchen slave Page 207: He was a famous Heroquester – should be - He is a famous Heroquester Page 208: a native to this region – which region? Perhaps this should be deleted? Page 208: again with co-operation of the dwarves – reads oddly. Suggest - again in co-operation with the dwarves Page 208: that he has come here – suggest - that he came to the Rockwood Mountains Page 208: Others think he is here – suggest – Others think he has taken up residence in his castle Page 208: came into town – suggest – came to his trading place Page 208: He could be approached – should be - He can be approached Page 208: This immortal Hero is destined to reappear each time all the tribes of Prax assembled at his grave before leaving Prax for war – should be - This immortal Hero is destined to reappear each time all the tribes of Prax assemble at his grave before leaving Prax for war Page 209: Battle of Queens – should be - Battle of the Queens [If changed, affects index] Page 211: secrets taught by Argrath – might be - secrets taught by him Page 211: They include men and women in roughly equal measures – should be - They include men and women in roughly equal measure Page 211: that of the magical regiment – should be - that of their magical regiment Page 211: over-soul (wyter) – might be - over-soul (the wyter) – or - over-soul (their wyter) Page 211: wyter might be in italics [General comment] Page 212: often more than 30 kilometers [General comment previously made about units employed] Page 212: upon an enemy regiment. A wyter is often powerful enough to rout or even destroy an enemy regiment. – duplication; suggest - upon an enemy regiment. A wyter is often powerful enough to rout or even destroy it Page 213: compel a Dragon – might be - compel a True Dragon Additional - rereading comments realized a modification was required for the first page 198 comment.

Professional regiments will have their own magic to strengthen their formation. Massive magical attacks in the Third Age only arose with the formation of the Lunar Magical Regiments, and account in no small part for their ability to overwhelm their foes. However, such regiments are rare (even the Lunars don't have many), with Argrath the first to counter them with a few magical regiments of his own. When powerful magical artillery, whether meteors or cannon shot, is in play, ordinary regiments may be devastated easily, but such powerful forces are rare. Other that the Lunar (and later Sartarite) innovations, warfare in Glorantha is conservative, with forces that are used to fighting likely opponents. Indeed, many regiments adhere to particular formations and traditions because to do otherwise will compromise their fighting ability.

Shield-walls in the real world were rarely that tidy, and pikes and picks would be decidedly uncommon. Shield-walls are all about getting very close; phalanxes are different. If the battle-line was 'butchered' any a few dozen meters behind would be unlikely to be unharmed if they broke and fled.

Mostly true for light cavalry (animal and rider lightly armored if at all), but not so true in ancient warfare, where heavily armored cataphracti who pursue too far, can themselves become isolated and destroyed. Heavy horse armor significantly reduces the range of heavy cavalry. There are several cases in our ancient history where one side's cavalry was drawn off to pursue a retreat (or a feigned retreat) and either failed to return, or returned too late to influence the outcome.