Masks of Nyarlathotep - Errors Thread

[Dr Mobius]

Page 237 - Further Research on the Vanes, History, and Folklore

"Plum Castle is mentioned in the Domesday Book. One of England’s Norman fortresses, the keep was originally built by Henry II in 1175, and later rebuilt and remodeled in 1587. The castle  is one of 20 built around the area at various times between the 11th and 17th centuries."

However, the survey of England for the Domesday Book was conducted in 1085-1086, by order of William the Conqueror. A castle built four kings later should not be included.

[soltakss]

2 hours ago, Dr Mobius said:

Page 237 - Further Research on the Vanes, History, and Folklore

"Plum Castle is mentioned in the Domesday Book. One of England’s Norman fortresses, the keep was originally built by Henry II in 1175, and later rebuilt and remodeled in 1587. The castle  is one of 20 built around the area at various times between the 11th and 17th centuries."

However, the survey of England for the Domesday Book was conducted in 1085-1086, by order of William the Conqueror. A castle built four kings later should not be included.

Normans often built a motte and bailey castle early on and them built a keep afterwards, so it is quite possible the same happened here.

[Dr Mobius]

18 hours ago, soltakss said:

Normans often built a motte and bailey castle early on and them built a keep afterwards, so it is quite possible the same happened here.

I had wondered if that might've been the intent, but wasn't sure. Thanks!

[Dr Mobius]

Page 270 - Misr House Map

"Second Floor Floor" - Remove redundant "Floor".

Also, the hidden part of the basement is clearly shown on the player's handout of the map.

Edited July 18, 2018 by Dr Mobius

[klecser]

I just want to go on the record here and say that I hope the heck Dave is getting paid to do this work.  The quantity of errors here is extensive, and although I'm not an editor, I know a few, and this looks like Chaosium is avoiding having to pay an editor by just having "the public" do it for free.  If I'm in the wrong, I'll accept that.  But appearances matter.  And the appearance here isn't good, IMO.  Maybe this is par-for-the-course for the gaming industry and is the only thing that allows Chaosium to get in under budget.  But even if that is the case, it bothers me.

Edited July 18, 2018 by klecser

[Dr Mobius]

Page 297 - PICKING UP THE TRAIL

"However, by far the best single reason for the investigators to go to Cairo is the letter from Warren Besart to Roger Carlyle, which Jackson Elias somehow obtained and which the investigators may have found on Elias’ corpse in his grim New York hotel room (Carlyle Papers America #11)."

This is actually Carlyle Papers America #1.

[Mike M]

Many thanks to those who spotted errors. 

I can confirm that multiple professional proof readers were paid to error spot. Unfortunately with works of this size things do get missed. We constantly seek and work with different proof readers in an ongoing attempt to make our books as error free as possible. 

We invite people to send in errors, which we then address in the PDF and print (or reprints) on an ogoing basis, and we are grateful for everyones contributions. 

[klecser]

2 hours ago, Mike M said:

I can confirm that multiple professional proof readers were paid to error spot.

Thanks for confirming this Mike.

[Dr Mobius]

On 7/1/2018 at 3:12 PM, Vasileios said:

On the NPC Portraits file. Page 6,  bottom right portrait of Dr. Mordecai Lemming is out of alignment with the rest. 

 

Also, not an error, but could we get a portrait of Roger Carlyle as well in there? Love handing my players these as they piece the clues, for note taking, and would love to have one of him

This reminds me, Dr. Emile Vabreaux is shown in the NPC file twice.  If someone deserves to be in the file twice then Nitocris should be with her alter ego of Sharifa Rawash. I second a picture of Roger Carlyle.

Also, I love the group portrait of the Carlyle Expedition on page 11, however a number of them look nothing like their profile pictures in the NPC file, most notably Dr. Robert Huston and Sir Aubrey Penhew. I don't know if that can be corrected at this point or not.

[Dave]

Please don't feel that since I've covered a page it doesn't need another set of eyes. I'm sure I'm missing things, and I won't be surprised to find I've inserted a few new typos  in my haste.

 

Page 127

In the first sentence, you can (and probably should) delete “but” after the semicolon.

In column 2, graph 2, delete “either” before “Jonah Kensington.” It’s a fine point, but the subject of the main clause is “the two men,” and “either” indicates only one of them.

In the first full graph after THE READING OF THE WILL, add a word to the last sentence: “…and he will track them down…” (It’s not wrong as-is, just a little sharper with a main clause rather than a verb phrase at the end.)

In the next graph, add a comma after “simply decorated.”

Delete the hyphen in “time-sharing.”

 

Page 128

In the penultimate bullet-point item, delete the comma after “special skills.”

Column 2, third full paragraph, delete the comma after “Carlyle Expedition”: “…had massacred the Carlyle Expedition but that not all…”

In the next graph, first sentence, delete the comma after “may be alive.”

In the next graph, delete the comma after “unbelievable things.”

Delete the comma after “timetable.”

 

Page 128

Near the end of the first graph, demote the semicolon to a comma.

 

Page 132

First full graph, delete the comma after “local newspaper.”

You can also lose the phrase “in order” in the last sentence.

In the penultimate graph of column one, delete the comma after “mistreated Erica.”

Next graph, delete comma after “in her household.”

 

Page 133

Second graph, delete comma after “wake up screaming.”

In the same sentence, change the semicolon to an em-dash.

Column 2, first line, delete the comma after “introducing them.”

Revise the sentence that follows: “Her brother began to disappear for days, only to turn up wild-eyed and

crazed, saying only that he had been to Harlem.”

In the Sir Aubrey Penhew note, delete the comma after “nothing of him.”

 

Page 134

After Jack “Brass” Brady, delete the comma after “loyal to Roger.”

In the first full graph, there’s no reason for that awkward “they.” Simply revise it this way: “Keepers may wish to include select pieces…”

 

Page 135

Final graph in column 2, lose the comma after “look presentable.”

(There are a couple of superfluous commas in the handout on this page, but I figure errors like that only make handwritten notes more authentic, and they don’t harm the meaning of the piece.)

 

Page 136

After Meeting Dr. Lemming, second sentence, delete a comma after “delighted to see them.”

“Amongst” is British preference, while “among” is plain old American standard. I see others follow, and perhaps I noted some earlier, so a careful search and replace might be in order.

[Incidentally, I admire the additions of supplemental bridges to clues like Dr. Lemming. Well done.]

In the penultimate graph of column 2, lose the comma after “interoffice mail.”

 

Page 137

Again, some minor punctuation errors in the handout, which I presume you wish to retain for the authenticity.

 

Page 138

In the first graph, the introductory phrase is just long enough that you probably want a comma after “…if the investigators outstay their welcome…”

In the next graph, there’s an awkward bit of punctuation that could be sorted in two ways. Here’s my suggestion: “Cowles says he also received MacWhirr’s diary (Carlyle Papers Australia #1). Should the investigators ask to see it, he sighs…”

In the same graph, consider deleting “Australia” before the parenthetical note that also includes “Australia.” It’ll be more concise, and you’re in no danger of confusion here.

Presumably Professor Cowles has more than one friend, so let’s delete the comma before “David Dodge” in “his friend David Dodge.”

In the Keeper note, delete the comma after “once existed.”

In the graph that follows, there are two solutions, but my suggestion is to add “he” to “…R’lyeh, and he finds…”

At the top of column 2, delete the comma after “are reliable.”

Delete the comma after “his colleague.”

It’s a fine point indeed, but the last sentence in this graph would be smoother if you moved “than Cowles” to follow “even more use.” Thus: “…he would be of even more use than Cowles during an expedition into the Australian desert.”

In the final graph, lose the comma after “skin crawl.”

Page 139

First full graph, lose the comma before “…or may already know.”

It’s mild, but you could avoid potential confusion in the final sentence of graph 3 by revising it thus: “As the investigators venture to other countries, more information concerning M’Weru may come to the surface.” If you need to make up space, kill “about her” at the end of the previous sentence.

In the Keeper note, delete the comma after “passed on in conversation.”

Near the bottom of column 1, delete the comma after “when he was 18.”

 

Also delete the comma after “from Groton.”

 

In the third full bulleted item on column two, “himself” should be “him.” (If you ever want a rant, buy me three drinks and ask me why this is so, and why servers need a primer on pronouns and lingering sexism.)

In the next bullet item, there are again two solutions, but I suggest this: “…forthright and friendly, and he was…”

“Nebulous and secretive” is one of those redundant phrases that would be far stronger as “nebulous.”

 

Page 140

In the sidebar, final graph, lose the comma add a couple of words: “$90 each and establishes that her relationship with…” (“Relations” has sexual connotations that “relationship” avoids.)’

Lose the comma after “fine character.” Also, to avoid shifting tense, change “notes” to “noted.”

At the top of column 2, lose the comma after “(and his wife).”

In the last bulleted item for Huston, the second sentence has a wobbly “this.” Is the controversy about the nature of his records or because they were turned over? Clarify.

Also, lose the comma after “have not been destroyed” or revise the sentence.

After SIR AUBREY, you can lose the comma after “1898.”

I think I mentioned en-dashes earlier. You’ve used them recently in date ranges, so you should also use them here instead of hyphens.

 

Page 141

Again, I won’t mention the punctuation in the handout. I barely glanced at the handouts, so someone else might wish to look at the more closely.

 

Page 142

Near the top of column 1, hyphenate “then-little-known.” You also don’t need the comma after “several years in Egypt.”

Lose a comma and add a word: “…branches of Egyptology and for making several…”

In the next bullet item, add a pronoun: “…and it is responsible…”

In the penultimate bullet item, lose the comma after “incontestably wealthy.”

An heir is a person, so you might consider revising the middle sentence of the last bullet item for Penhew.

After HYPATIA CELESTINE MASTERS, second bullet item, lose the comma after “chief executives.”

After JACK BRADY, in the third bullet item, lose the comma after “after the war.”

In the next bullet item, lost the comma after “fight.”

 

Page 143

The kerning on the first full paragraph looks strange. I’ll suggest a few words to cut to give it some air. The first sentence could use some clarity anyway. Here’s my version: “Its earliest white inhabitants abandoned Harlem as Italian and Jewish refugees flocked to the neighborhood toward the end of the 19^th century.”

Lose the comma after “…and West Harlem).”

At the top of column two, revise the last phrase of the first graph: “...although the paper stopped short of advocating violence in return.” (I recognize that “though” is an acceptable contraction of “although,” but sometimes it just sounds wrong. This is one of those times. I’ve withheld comment on a few earlier instances that didn’t “sound” quite so odd to my editorial ear. In any event, adding “the paper” makes either word work better here.)

In the third graph, invert the apostrophe before ’30s. It’s also cool to omit it, if you do so consistently.

Change “amongst” to “among.”

In the ORGANIZED CRIME sidebar, lose the comma just before “who controlled” and the one just before “Owny Madden.”

At the end of the sidebar, the parenthetical note on the types of crimes committed by the white gangs seems like a non-sequitur after the word “territories.”

 

Page 145

In the Keeper note, for clarity you should add “if they” before “go straight to Ju-Ju House.” I suggest further revising the first sentence:

Keeper note: although An Innocent Man is not technically a sidetrack scenario, investigators may circumvent it if they ignore the links between Jackson Elias’ death and Hilton Adams’ wrongful arrest. Likewise, they may miss it by going straight to Ju-Ju House after talking to Arthur Emerson (Emerson Imports, page 138) or Dr. Lemming (Meeting Dr. Lemming, page 136).

In column 2, “neat and orderly” is one of those phrases. “Orderly” can do the job alone.

Near the end of that first graph, lose the comma after “openly pleased.”

 

Page 146

In the ON THE STREETS sidebar, add a period after the final “Jr.”

In the Keeper note, add a word for clarity: “…questioning him about this investigation reveals…”

Also lose the comma after “role.”

In the next graph, revise the first sentence into two with simpler punctuation (which is more than okay because the modifying phrases are so short): “Although she has not been able to find concrete evidence,

Shosenburg believes that Robson is at best incompetent and at worst corrupt. She suspects he may be responsible for framing Hilton Adams. Her theories support what Lt. Pool may have told…”

In the middle of the last graph in this column, there’s another big sentence that could use revision. Here’s my suggestion:

With Adams’ execution looming ever nearer, the investigators’ motives for looking into the case are not important to Shosenburg. If there’s a chance they can scare up something that could either prove Robson’s corruption—thereby casting doubt on the safety of Adams’ conviction—or else discover the real culprit, she’ll take it.

Previous Keeper notes have had an extra line return before and after. This one is snug, I imagine to avoid the column break, but if deleting a few words in the previous long graph can give you the space, I suggest you take it for consistency. A good candidate for deletion is the long, unnecessary phrase, “if they would like to speak to him directly.”

“As far as they can tell, they are—unless, of course, the investigators have already alerted N’Kwane and M’Dari to their investigations. In that case, if the investigators fail a group Luck roll, then a cult spy is lurking within earshot.”

(While I think it’ll be okay, the term “stalls” is not common in North American usage for describing that area of the theater. Alas, there isn’t a succinct alternative other than “main floor.” “Stalls” is by far the nicer term, but I suspect it’ll be lost on many readers, who might imagine something entirely different from your intent.)

Page 147

Revise: “Keeper note: whether or not the investigators spot an eavesdropper, Millie Adams is now in danger. If the investigators spot and chase a cultist before Millie has a chance to talk to them, she flees home and writes what she knows, posting it to Shosenburg…”

Soon after, add a comma: “…Millie’s fate is sealed, and she will be…”

Column 2, first full graph after the note, you can delete the commas around “understandably.”

Move a modifying phrase and revise the final sentence: “…she’s worked there as a musician and singer since it opened. Until she took the measure of the investigators, she wasn’t going to invite them into her home.”

Under What Millie Adams Knows, move a modifier: “…confide to her everything he knew…” Also, delete the distant instance of “to her.”

Revise the first bulleted item: “…from the saloon where they all hung out (Teddy’s, two blocks…”

Revise: “Keeper note: Millie can direct investigators wanting to Hilton’s Friends (The Good Friends of Hilton Adams?, page 149).”

 

Page 148

In the first full bulleted paragraph, change “Her Husband” to “Hilton” since you don’t mention Millie’s name nearby. The next instance is fine, since there’s a “Millie” preceding it.

In the next bulleted graph, “The group” could be confusing. If you change “activities” to “investigations,” it’s clear you’re not talking about the cult.

In the next bulleted graph, again change “her husband’s” to “Hilton’s.” Later, delete the comma after “…operating in Harlem.”

In the next, delete the comma after “his friend.”

In the last graph of column one, move a modifier: “They had only enough to pay for the trial…”

If you must use “i.e.,” follow it with a comma. I don’t think the parenthetical example is necessary, however.

In the next graph, there’s a semicolon that wants to be an em-dash: “…during daylight hours—not necessarily unusual…”

In the following graph, change “she looks distinctly” to “Millie looks distinctly.”

Delete a comma after “shop directly.”

In the next graph, delete a couple of commas: “…that she too may become a victim…”

After Next Steps, delete the comma after “on Millie Adams.”

 

Page 149

Near the top of column 2, move a modifier: “…she has met them only once or twice…”

In the second graph, delete the commas around “though comfortably.”

Revise the last graph: “As long as the investigators go to Teddy’s at the end of the work day, asking at the bar for any of the men named by Millie Adams results in one of two responses:”

 

Page 150

First column, third graph: “…and each has his reasons…” Later, delete “their” from in front of “job security, family safety…”

First column, last graph, hyphenate “cover-up.”

Column 2, first full graph, delete “But,” to leave “As they go to leave, Jackie Wallace…”

Much of the Keeper note is wordy and unclear. I suggest a revision like this: “In their eyes, unless one of the investigators is from Harlem or has close personal ties to the neighborhood, they are expendable when it comes to taking on Captain Robson, driving out the Bloody Tongue, and freeing Hilton Adams. When dealing with locals, the investigators are on their own unless they can come up with a solution that permits the locals to take part without endangering themselves or their families, at which point they will give the investigators what support they can.”

In the last graph, move “at gunpoint” to follow “by prisoners.”

 

Page 151

In the first graph, correct the spelling to “its.”

Fourth graph, demote the semicolon after “opportunity” to a comma.

Second column, first bulleted item, if you want a little more air for the kerning, consider deleting “really” and “than that.” If you still need more, deep-six “a lot.”

 

Page 152

First bulleted graph, revise: “Following Mordecai Lemming’s pronouncements in the press about an African death cult, Hilton and friends found mention…

Near the end of that graph, revise: “Even though the shop had been there for years,

something about the place gave Hilton the creeps.”

Rather than the hyphen between “30s-early 40s” (which should be an en-dash, anyway), consider writing it “30s and early 40s.”

Column 2, final graph, move “off” to follow “tipped”: “Even if they have already tipped off…”

 

Edited August 6, 2018 by Dave

[Dr Mobius]

Page 329 - The Black Rites

The second paragraph references the tome, Black Rites of Luveh-Keraphf, as being in Appendix D: Tomes, when they are in fact in Appendix C: Tomes.

[Dr Mobius]

Page 331 - Caption for the graphic

The caption, "Neris pays a visit to Van Heulen", misspells Van Heuvelen's name.

[Dr Mobius]

Page 652 - The Adornments of Nitocris

Crown of Nitocris: The page reference given is 256, but it is in fact 356.

[Dr Mobius]

Page 344 - A DANGEROUS MAN

The picture of Omar al-Shakti on this page looks nothing like the picture provided in the NPC Portraits file. The image on page 344 would seem to be the most correct version given his description. The one in the NPC Portraits file looks more like Janwillem Van Heuvelen.

Edited July 23, 2018 by Dr Mobius

[Dr Mobius]

Page 348 - The Horrors Below

References for the first link: The Plantation and The Cult’s Rituals, pages 358 and 344 respectively. These page references are reversed.

[Dr Mobius]

Page 391 - Johnstone Kenyatta, 32

"Born 1891, Johnstone is a Kikuyu. Later known as Jomo Kenyatta, he was an important figure in the East African Association, and later the Kikuyu Central Association, campaigning for African nationalism. He would later lead Kenya to independence and become its first president."

A real historical figure, Kenyatta's actual birth date is unknown.  One biographer, Jules Archer, suggested that his year of birth was likely 1890,although a fuller analysis performed by Jeremy Murray-Brown concluded that he was likely born circa 1897 or 1898. Given that the campaign is run in 1925, his age would be closer to 27 - 28 if Murray-Brown's date is used. He would be 35 if using Archer's date. Not that it particularly matters, but if the provided 1891 date is used, he would be 34, and not the given 32.  I just find it cool that real historical people are included. :)

Edited July 26, 2018 by Dr Mobius

[Dr Mobius]

Page 394 - Ahja Singh

"Roleplaying hooks: if approached by amiable-looking investigators, Ahja attempts to sell to his wares to them."

Extra "to" should be removed.

[Dr Mobius]

Page 398 - Graphic of the train attack

"Taan Kauer attacks the investigators with summoned fire vampires"

Taan Kaur's name has been misspelled.

 

[Dave]

On 7/27/2018 at 5:26 AM, Dr Mobius said:

Page 398 - Graphic of the train attack

"Taan Kauer attacks the investigators with summoned fire vampires"

Taan Kaur's name has been misspelled.

 

Keep up the great work, Doctor. I'll rejoin you when I'm done with my current deadline.

[Dr Mobius]

Page 405 - Meeting Neville Jermyn

Second paragraph: "If the investigators mention the Black Pharaoh, Neville says that of course he must have come from there."

Fifth paragraph: "Names like the Bloody Tongue, the Black Pharaoh, or M’Weru mean nothing to Jermyn."

So, has Jermyn heard of the Black Pharaoh or not?

 

[Dr Mobius]

Page 411 - Caption for the shop map

"Opposite: Taan Kauer's Shop map".

Again, Taan Kaur's name is misspelled.

 

[klecser]

Page 158 very top left line - "chronometer" is missing an "e"

[Dr Mobius]

Page 413 - DRAMATIS PERSONAE

"Colonel Henry Endicott, 62, KCGB, DSO, etc."

Try as I might, I am unable to determine which order or decoration the post-nominal letters of KCGB refers to. The closest I could find was Knight Commander of the Order of the Bath (KCB).

[Dr Mobius]

Page 431 - The Great Temple Map

Locations 4 (Bone Pile) and 5 (Sacrificial Pits) are reversed on the map.

[trystero]

On 7/30/2018 at 7:11 AM, Dr Mobius said:

Try as I might, I am unable to determine which order or decoration the post-nominal letters of KCGB refers to. The closest I could find was Knight Commander of the Order of the Bath (KCB).

I've found a few sources online claiming that this is the abbreviation for Knight Commander of the Order of the British Empire, but that's bunk; the proper abbreviation for that honour would be KBE.

So I'm guessing that it's a garbled mix of KCB (Knight Commander of the Order of the Bath, as you've noted) and GCB (Knight Grand Cross of the Order of the Bath). I agree that removing the "G" is the easiest fix.