Page 52, "After the PCs, Darna and Salissa, but perhaps surprisingly to the PCs, Farandar and Kullina speak up in their favor. "
This is confusingly worded. I had to read it several times to make sense of it. I think the idea is that after the PCs, Darna, and Salissa talk, Farandar and Kullina speak up in their favor, perhaps surprisingly. Or does it mean that after the PCs speak up, Darna, Salissa, Farandar and Kullina speak up in that order (meaning that the narrator has to invent speeches for each of them)?
Also, on the same page, Salissa says “Would that I were a younger woman, I would take Vinga’s vows, dye my hair red, and kill this man myself, for it appears that we have no men left in our clan?” That's a statement, not a question, so the question mark needs to be either a period or an exclamation point.