M Helsdon

Slow progress - because almost every name has to be checked... Page 106: The Seven Mothers were: - this information has already been given in greater detail. Why is it repeated here, other than it was in the Wyrms Footnotes original? Page 106: Carmanian war god (Humakt) during – might be - Carmanian war god, Humakt, during Page 106: Spol noblemen – Spol had been long conquered by the Carmanians – suspect this should be – Carmanian noblemen I also wonder if Rinliddi was really outside the Carmanian Empire at this time, as the Third Age Guide map, page 140, shows the early Lunar realm inside the Carmanian Empire. If so, the description on this page about the Rinliddi political landscape is suspect. Page 107: loyal allies through the whole period of the Goddess’ stay on earth – given that she almost immediately went off on a Godquest, this wouldn’t be very long! Suggest this be modified. Page 108: crimson bat – should be – Crimson Bat Page 108: established of as the center – should be - established as the center Page 108: intercept at Raibanth – should be - intercept her at Raibanth Page 109: Carantes – should be – Karantes [General comment – also page 120] Page 109: Elz-ast – should be – Elz Ast Page 109: In 0/21 – should be – In 0/21 (1241) Page 109: bringers of Life – might be – Bringers of Life Page 109: by the Carmanian Exile – probably – by the Carmanian Exiles Page 110: War god – should be – War God [General comment] war god etc. Page 110: Altae – should be – Altinae Page 110: void – should be – Void [General comment, probably made already, but some occurrences of the word are not the Void] Page 111: son of the moon – might be – Son of the Moon Page 111: Hidden Green – should be – Hidden Greens Page 111: the City of Rose-Colored Glass in the Far East – no, it is in Teshnos, the East, but not the Far East Page 112: ‘natural‘ - should be ‘natural’ Page 112: and honoured him - should be - and honored him Page 112: was reknowened - should be - was renowned Page 113: Oronin Sultanate – should be – Oronin Satrapy Page 113: passage north of Elzast - should be - passage north of Elz Ast Page 114: this was Char-un – should be – this was a Char-un Page 114: The Guide goes into more detail about how Panishi was cheated by the Red Emperor Page 114: in 1/32 – should be - in 1/32 (1279) Page 114: whom had been – should be – who had been Page 114: they erupted into a war in when – should be - they erupted into a war when Page 114: a previous subject state – should be - a previously subject state Page 114: Colonies were planted at Rist – would make more sense as – Lunar colonies were planted at Rist Page 115: set upon by the Sultan’s guards – should be - set upon by the Satrap’s guards Page 115: Poralister River – should be - Poralistor River Page 115: Upper Poralister – should be - Upper Poralistor Page 116: earth spirits – probably – Earth spirits Page 116: Empire as a Sultanate – should be – Empire as a Satrapy Page 116: sometimes called Jillaro of the Prince’s Green - elsewhere given as Jillaro-of-the-Prince’s Green. RESUME at page 117

Afraid didn't get through much more today. Page 98: The Third Age – very little given about the world beyond Peloria and Dragon Pass, in contrast to earlier chapters. Page 98: In Peloria, the tired eastern satraps – if this is referring to Carmanian satrapies then it requires expansion: the Carmanian Empire conquered Dara Happa in 1173. Page 98: kingdom of Carmania – empire of Carmania? Page 98: old gods – should be – Old Gods [General comment Pages 133, 164 because throughout the rest of this chapter Old Gods is used] Page 98: chaotic gods – should be – Chaotic Gods Page 99: casing stars down – should be – calling stars down Page 100: Irenstos Theogony collection – might be useful if this name were used on page 11 where Irenstos and his Theogony is briefly mentioned. Page 100: celestial and Underworld powers – suggest – Celestial and Underworld powers Page 100: rebel gods – should be – Rebel Gods [Usage elsewhere] Page 100: GERRA is the Dying Moon – this is duplicated at the end of the section. Suggest maintaining the structure of the other paragraphs. Page 101: to maintain the order of the Moon’s phases, ULURDA should precede NATHA? Page 102: EWF – suggest Empire of the Wyrms Friends as newcomers may not recognize the acronym – it is defined on page 88. Page 102: Kralorela, East Isles – should be - Kralorela, the East Isles Page 103: the RED EMPEROR is given capital letters in the second paragraph about him. Suggest this should be in the first paragraph. Page 105 ie. – should be i.e. Page 105: betrayed by his wife and brother.1 – should be - betrayed by his wife and brother.1 [General Comment: this goes for all the other annotation numbers throughout the text] Page 105: Arimdalla the Silver Lord – should be - Arimadalla the Silver Lord Page 105: In 719, - rest of the sentence missing. Perhaps it should say: In 719, Arimadalla the Silver Lord, and his God Learner allies killed Narensaval, the warrior priest of Irensaval, and drove out the defeated rebel general Syranthir Forefront and his army. Page 105: "pauper farmers" 2 – should be - "pauper farmers"2 [Note in addition to being a superscript numeric, there is an extra space that should be removed. Page 105: no mention of the Carmanians fighting and defeating the Spolite Empire? Page 105: aiding in the disposal of humans and dragonewts of Dragon Pass many years later [disposal meaning defeat?] Page 105 and other pages: Urox – named elsewhere as Storm Bull. This Orlanthi name for Storm Bull should be mentioned on page 46. Newcomers to Glorantha won’t know that Urox is Storm Bull. Page 106: and collapsed under pressure – suggest – and collapsed RESUME at Page 106

General: dark troll – should be – Dark Troll General: great troll should be – Great Troll General: Surface World or surface world? Both appear, often in proximity. Believe former should be used. Page 87: deities of darkness – should be – Deities of Darkness – or – deities of Darkness Page 87: Their name in their Underworld birthplace is a secret – previous page gives uzuz but perhaps their original name was something else Page 87: which hithertofor had dwelt securely - should be - hitherto for – or – hitherto [Prefer the latter] Page 88: Their departure revealed a thinly populated revealed a region thinly populated by indigenous tribes previously enslaved by the nomads – should be - Their departure revealed a region thinly populated by indigenous tribes previously enslaved by the nomads Page 89: Chaos god – should be – Chaos God [General comment] chaos on the same page should be Chaos Page 89: Humaktsson and Humaktson both appear on this page… Page 89: enlightment and experience - should be - enlightenment and experience Page 90: received her apotheosis by and as Arachne Solara – meaning (intentionally?) unclear Page 90: cursed to their entry – might be – their entry was cursed Page 90: population southward downwards the extensive ruins of Pavis – Pavis is to the east! And this sentence is incomplete. Suggest - population eastwards to the extensive ruins of Pavis Page 90: Dark Esroliawas thrown down - should be - Dark Esrolia was thrown down Page 90: As human occupied the Pass – should be - As humans occupied the Pass Page 90: Lunar worship was accepted by some trolls at that time – is this still canonical? Page 91: blank page Page 92: sun-worshipping horse nomads and the Storm worshipping First Council – might be - Sun-worshipping horse nomads and the Storm-worshipping First Council – or – Sun worshipping horse nomads and the Storm worshipping First Council Page 92: ancient even before time began – should be - ancient even before Time began Page 92: Central Peloria gave birth to the theistic way of life – should be - Central Genertela gave birth to the theistic way of life. Page 92: sun-worshipping – twice - see comment above Page 92: The west remained godless – should be - The West remained godless [general comment – but with care] Page 92: and away to determine – should be - and a way to determine Page 93: to be named Osentalka-the Perfect One – should be - to be named Osentalka - the Perfect One Page 93: The year 374 was critical for Glorantha – the Guide says the Sunstop occurred in 375! Page 93: None one knows – should be – No one knows Page 93: Sun Stop and Sunstop both used here. Should be the latter [Do not do a global edit] Page 93: birth of Nsalor - should be - birth of Nysalor Page 93: god of light – might be – God of Light Page 94: against foreign centers of power - might be – against the foreign centers of power Page 95: (who suffered the tragic Trollkin Curse from Nysalor and the dragonewts (who had been humbled and forced into servitude) – missing bracket. Should be - (who suffered the tragic Trollkin Curse from Nysalor) and the dragonewts (who had been humbled and forced into servitude) Page 95: They also provided him important details about his magical sword – should be - They also provided him with important details about his magical sword Page 95: Arkat and a western army – as per earlier comment – Western Page 95: Snake Pipe Hollow – should be – Snakepipe Hollow Page 95: By relentless corrupting himself – should be - By relentlessly corrupting himself Page 95: become the Destroyer he saught to eradicate - should be - become the Destroyer he sought to eradicate Page 95: many of the greatest still surviving – might be - many of the greatest heroes still surviving [Hmm, Hero and hero appear throughout the document…] Page 96: The two accompanying texts show some examples of their thinking and cast further light upon some of the mysteries of Chaos – the ‘accompanying texts’ are not present here. Suggest this sentence be deleted or the texts inserted. Page 96: god learners – should be – God Learners [General comment] RESUME at Page 98

General: some dates are suffixed with S.T., some are not. Please standardize. Page 84: lack of touch – suggest – lack of sensation Page 84: earth goddess – should be – Earth Goddess [General comment] Page 84: The dwarfs inherited the realms of the vanished Mostali – imprecise, as dwarfs has been used to refer to older dwarfs so suggest - The Clay dwarves inherited the realms of the vanished Mostali Page 84: goddess of death – possibly – Goddess of Death [General comment] Page 84: the material about dwarves worshipping deities other than Mostal conflicts with other descriptions. Perhaps this suspect text is written by a non-dwarf? Page 84: Some fell to chaos – should be – Some fell to Chaos [General comment] Page 85: elder races – should be – Elder Races [General comment] Page 85: out on the experiment – might be - out of the experiment Page 85: The dwarfs of the west – should be – The dwarves of the West [general comments] Page 85: Heroplane – is this still a canonical term? Page 86: Belskan – should be – Belksan Page 86: purged of individuals – should be - purged of Individualism Page 86: Empire of the Wyrm’s Friends - should be - Empire of the Wyrms Friends Page 86: secretly overground - should be - secretly over-ground Page 86: The Uz names for troll types are duplicated in successive paragraphs. Page 86: Godtime - should be - God Time Page 86: A mistress race – should be - A Mistress Race [General comment] RESUME at Page 87

True, but it seems a weird statement. Just noticed that a proofreader is credited on the first page... Will continue the exercise tomorrow. This is very intensive, and personally I can only read fifteen to twenty pages at a time before concentration starts to waver. Until yesterday I was giving myself the incentive of watching an episode of GoT each night as a reward. Now finished the latest season...

I can pass the comment on - The Eleven Lights is in layout and final edit so there may be time... Ah. Checking the text, there isn't a problem: TEL refers to the Three New Stars in the sky, where Orlanth’s Ring should be, following a major PC Heroquest, and the stars follow the path Orlanth’s Ring would. My mistake. However, this should be mentioned in the Sourcebook. New comment: Page 50: and ended in 1624 – The Coming Storm/The Eleven Lights has the Three New Stars appear in 1622 and follow the path of Orlanth’s Ring. This should be mentioned.

General: apostrophes vary between ' and ‘ Page 70: ST – usually given as S.T. [General comment] Page 70: formless void – should be - formless Void [General comment] Page 70: the chaos – possibly – the Chaos Page 70: Gbaji Wars that concluded the Dawn Age, as detailed later – suggest – detailed in another chapter? This may relate to a chronology in the original source, which is not in this document Page 71: between light and Darkness – should be – Light and Darkness Page 72: 6. (Sacred Time) – seems to be a tab between 6. and (Sacred Time). Formatting is poor. Page 72: sun – often given as Sun [General comment] Page 72: young gods – should be – Young Gods Page 72: Chaos in-to the living world – should be - Chaos into the living world Page 73: Dragon Kings of Kralorela – should be - Dragon Emperors of Kralorela Page 73: people have a faith, knowledged - might be - people have a faith, knowledge Page 73: They were not terrible skilled – should be - They were not terribly skilled Page 73: or elemental rights – should be – or elemental rites – or perhaps - or Elemental rites Page 73: where the Orlanthi of Dragon Pass – might be - whern the Orlanthi of Dragon Pass Page 74: Great deities could have many devout followers to follow their cult – might be - Great deities would have many devout followers to follow their cult [Not certain what this is attempting to say] Page 74: the mystjhs are full of tales - should be - the myths are full of tales [Correction from earlier assumption] Page 74: a mischevious deity named Raven - should be - a mischievous deity named Raven Page 74: sun god, underworld – both should have capital letters Page 74: liberated the subjects – should be - liberated their subjects Page 74: burned in spectacular song – not certain what this should say, possibly - burned in a spectacular song Page 74: was a wild card – might be – is a wild card [Tense varies throughout the document] Page 74: the dieties could impose upon history - should be - the deities could impose upon history Page 75: The Red Moon quickly filled the breaking of the Carmanian pantheon – what is this attempting to say? Page 75: Such are the vaguaries of history - should be - Such are the vagaries of history Page 75: become design background – should be - become a design background – or perhaps - become a part of the background design Page 75: never lets a poor man starve – should be - never let a poor man starve Page 75: Harrek will desert his realm to come to the aid of his friend Argrath and fight the Lunar Empire that he always hated – if the set start date is post 1621 hasn’t this happened? Harrek is in Dragon Pass from at least 1624? Page 76: He is the Highest Priest for the cult – might be - He is the Highest Priest of the cult Page 76: defense of Whiteall against the Lunar Empire - should be - defense of Whitewall against the Lunar Empire Page 76: first great trolls – should be – first Great Trolls Page 76: between life and death – might be - between Life and Death Page 77: will was reality – should be – will is reality Page 77: He could be approached – should be - He can be approached Page 77: Godtime - should be - God Time Page 78: 12 meters / He is 150 meters tall – aren’t imperial measurements now the standard? Page 78: coming to Balazar in the end – should be - coming to Balazar at the end Page 79: -- as her tree fares – should only be one dash Page 79: most red elves lack only size – as Green elves are given a capital letter so should Red elves Page 79: and elsewhere: green should be Green, brown should be Brown etc. Page 79: landclearing farmers - should be - land-clearing farmers Page 80: which exterminated all humans in 1120 – should be – which exterminated all humans in Dragon Pass in 1120 Page 80: Creasted Dragonewt - should be - Crested Dragonewt Page 81: which is found locally, imported from the Holy Country and Dagori Inkarth – contradictory statement Page 81: than any humans can hurl them – might be - than any human can hurl them Page 81: They have atrophied wing-like appendages – Page 80 says: they have vestigial arms, not wings [Suggest the description of demi-birds be in only one place] Page 81: Then in 1044 – Guide says 1042 Page 81: In 1539 the Dragonewts Dream began, and ended two years later – Guide says it ended in 1540. Page 81: active in human affairs onece again - should be - active in human affairs once again Page 81: Godtime - should be - God Time Page 81: dwarfs – normal usage is dwarves [General comment] Page 82: Godtime - should be - God Time Page 83: storm god – should be – Storm God [General comment, probably made before…] Page 83: Mostal siezed the immortal nail - should be - Mostal seized the immortal nail RESUME at Page 84

Just corrected one of my earlier comments: Page 74: the mystjhs are full of tales - should be - the myths are full of tales Almost half way through the document...

Jeff, having access to a Word version would facilitate this exercise enormously, as it takes time to write up the comments. If you could send me (and other volunteers?) a Word copy then by using Track Changes this exercise could be speeded up. Depending on the level of reported errors I could combine those reported here. As noted by email my free time has taken a significant hit due to family concerns, so I can only spend three or four hours a day on this exercise. It really requires the same attention as KoS and RQ2 as many of the errors look to be scanning bugs, and would sign another NDA if necessary. For that matter, the PDF is not copy protected, but it would take too long to paste and transfer the whole document into Word without problems - I have tried...

There's an overlap between our comments, and differences as well, because it requires numerous reviewers to detect as many errors as possible. Have asked on the 13th Age Kickstarter Comments a few days ago how long we have to do this, but no reply as yet. I haven't been looking at dates - always leave that to a last pass through. Personally, I'd like to work from a Word document with Track Changes as it takes an appreciable time to type up comments... Have been sending a batch of comments each day, but as there's been no response, will continue to give them here and send a concatenated list when finished.

This evening's catch. Pages 48, 55, 56, 66, 161: Lightbringers Quest – elsewhere given as – Lightbringers’ Quest General: Found Child or Foundchild? Both versions used in the document. General: Underworld or underworld? The former seems correct but both forms appear in the document General: Heroquest or heroquest? Both forms appear in the document General: tone of the document varies – either past or present tense, and sometimes presented as ‘our’ tales [see Page 67] and sometimes from an ‘outside’ perspective. I suspect this derives from the various sources used to populate the document and can’t be easily adjusted. Page 59: called ‘the devil’ – should be - called ‘the Devil’ Page 59: for the chaotic armies – should be - for the Chaotic armies [General comment – chaotic should be Chaotic?] Page 60: Resisters still held out – might be - Resistance still held out. Page 61: cast to Hell – might be - cast into Hell Page 61: section Wakboth the Devil duplicates material on preceding pages – suggest it be deleted as it does not belong in The Unholy Trio section. Page 61: section Kajabor the God of Entropy duplicates material on preceding pages – suggest it be deleted as above, with the last paragraph moved forward to conclude the Thed section. Page 61: Death-hound – should be – Deathhound [as per earlier in the document]? Page 62: to the void – should be - to the Void Page 62: The Devil entered the world; with him came the slimy hordes of Chaos. Foremost in his father’s (the Devil’s) favor was Tien – this does not make sense. Suggest - The Devil entered the world; with him came the slimy hordes of Chaos. Foremost in his favor was Tien Page 62: which used strategy – suggest - which used a strategy Page 62: But all ways Tien chose – suggest - But all the ways Tien chose Page 63: until the Sky God’s son – Hrothmir was a son of an Air God. Page 63: knowledge of others-those – should be: knowledge of others – those Page 63: Snake Pipe Hollow – should be – Snakepipe Hollow [see page 165] Page 63: and for survival required the Power from intelligent beings – might be - and for survival devoured the Power of intelligent beings Page 64: in the mighty sky-bull – sky-bulls are described as the descendants of Storm Bull but Storm Bull is not a sky-bull? Page 64: She is known to have been killed by the god of entropy sometime during the Great Darkness – Page 58 tells us explicitly that he/she was killed by the Unholy Trio. Whilst this is an intentional example of mythic uncertainty, the contradiction sits uneasily in one chapter. Page 64: Illumined – possibly – Illuminated Page 65: In the Third Age, Red Goddess woke the cult – should be - In the Third Age, the Red Goddess woke the cult Page 66: order and chaos – suggest - Order and Chaos Page 66: Zzabur the Sorcerer Supreme, - should be - Zzabur the Sorcerer Supreme. Page 67: Dragons Nest – or – Dragons’ Nest [page 35]? Page 67: Queen Merngala the Great was the daughter of Queen Norinel and the Only Old One and the Silver Age queen of Nochet – confusing. Suggest - Queen Merngala the Great was the daughter of Queen Norinel, the Silver Age queen of Nochet, and the Only Old One Page 67: They settled in the right arm – should be – They settled in the Right Arm Page 68: He would anger the Esrolians when he dug in their necropolis – might be - He angered the Esrolians when he dug in their necropolis Page 68: the elf Fwalfa Oakheart,; - should be - the elf Fwalfa Oakheart; Page 68: Speaking Wheel,; and – should be - Speaking Wheel; and Page 68: The whole of their tale is beyond the scope of this essay – suggest removing this sentence RESUME AT Page 70 Page 105 and other pages: Urox – named elsewhere as Storm Bull. This Orlanthi name for Storm Bull should be mentioned on page 46. Newcomers to Glorantha won’t know that Urox is Storm Bull.

Duplication shouldn't matter as the editor should resolve them all - and in any review process, it is rare for all the reviewers to detect all the same things. I believe I have a 'hit rate' of around 60%... Below are my comments so far, derived from a quick six hour skim through the entire document, and then from a careful read through, which has taken eight hours so far, up to around page 58. General: Humaktsson or Humaktson? Both appear in the document: the former twice, the latter three times. General: ie should be i.e. General: Phargantites or Phargentites? Both used once. General: sometimes creation is given a capital letter, often not. General: The Deities of the Earth chapter gives each deity a section title, unlike the earlier chapters. This continues in subsequent chapters. General: pantheon sometimes given a capital letter, sometimes not. General: war god or War God (and goddess). Appears with capital letters and without. Page 3: List of daughters might include Dorasta? Possibly not, as Genert and his daughter Pelora had lesser daughters? Page 3: The crude geography of the continent begins with the great Genert’s Wastes - read oddly, suggest - A crude geography of the continent begins with the great Genert’s Wastes. Page 4: and a variety of isolated and oscure creatures - should be - and a variety of isolated and obscure creatures Page 4: humans live a lush pastroral life - should be - humans live a lush pastoral life Page 4: joined with city-states Jrustela - might be - joined with the city-states of Jrustela Page 4: Pendarli lion people - should be - Pendali lion people Page 4: place of Pamalt - should be - Place of Pamalt Page 4: She is the Mother of Hsunchen, the and the dedicated supporter - might be - She is the Mother of Hsunchen, and the dedicated supporter Page 4: Suam Chong - twice, should be - Suam Chow Page 6: Might mention that the Moon Rune metal is silver. Page 6: The various names for this Rune illustrate the ideas behind it - might give some of the names. Page 8: This RRune is little used - should be - This Rune is little used Page 9: and anything in between, A hierarchy officiates at - should be - and anything in between. A hierarchy officiates at Page 10: The Age of Time, during which we live, is that of Compromise - might be - The Age of Time, during which we live, is that of the Compromise Page 11: Lhankhor Mhy cult, but very knowledgable - should be Lhankhor Mhy cult, but very knowledgeable Page 11: Mularik Iron-eye - named in the Guide as - Mularik Ironeye Page 11: Lhankhor Mhy cult - should be - Lhankor Mhy Page 12: Rune masters, demigods - should be - Rune Masters, demigods Page 14: Dragon Pass residents are certain of three - should be - Dragon Pass residents are certain of four Page 14: Known True Dragons are rare. Dragon Pass and Kralorela are known to have several each, mostly very small examples - suggest - Known True Dragons are rare. Dragon Pass and Kralorela are recognized to have several each, mostly very small examples. Page 15: Thus. individuals were able - should be - Thus individuals were able Page 17: ORENOAR - should be in bold Page 18: and the god-learners - should be - and the God Learners Page 18: children are the catgod - should be - children are the cat-god Page 18: gives humans their intial - should be gives humans their initial Page 18: omnipresent sprectre of Death - should be - omnipresent specter of Death Page 18: the Iynx-spirit - should be - the lynx-spirit Page 18: The Xeotam Dialogures - should be - The Xeotam Dialogues Page 18: Their parts in the cosmos have not - might be - Their part in the cosmos has not Page 19: Fornoarian titles - possibly - Fornaorian or Fornao? The names in this section are very similar to the Enerali names given in the Guide, page 373. Page 19: Zrethus, God of the Sky - possibly Zrenthus? Page 20: child of Gata and Zrathus - possibly - child of Gata and Zrenthus Page 20: fallen in savagery - should be - fallen into savagery Page 20: the Surface World was people by the pure races of the Hsunchen - should be - the Surface World was peopled by the pure races of the Hsunchen Page 20: between a Kolat – should be - between a Kolati Page 22: In myths,she has - should be - In myths, she has Page 23: but those who living kin – should be - but those whose living kin Page 23: their corpses to an eternal glory of fighting for eternity – suggest - their corpses to an eternal glory of fighting in perpetuity Page 24: When Darkness finally overpowered the world and the legions of Night came to surround the Spike. Argan Argar – should be - When Darkness finally overpowered the world and the legions of Night came to surround the Spike, Argan Argar Page 27: Thus is the profusion of fish - should be - Thus is the profusion of fish. Page 28: rather than descendant – suggest - rather than a descendant Page 29: He is a son of Malkion Founder – might be - He is a son of Malkion the Founder Page 29: He is dark and horribly visage – might be - He is dark and horribly visaged Page 29: THE BLUE MOON – is the empty line above this intentional? Page 29: unprepared for troubles – should be - unprepared for the troubles Page 32: The lands of Esrolia (in the Holy Country) have always been Earth worshippers – might be - The inhabitants of Esrolia (in the Holy Country) have always been Earth worshippers Page 33: adopted the earth system – should be - adopted the Earth system Page 33: This was during the Golden Age, conmythory - no idea what the last word should be. Page 34: Imarja philosophy – possibly - Imarjan philosophy Page 34: She received gifts different from her sister’s – should be - She received gifts different from her sisters’ Page 35: Esrola laid between the base of the Spike – might be - Esrola lay between the base of the Spike Page 35: She fought all who threatened her sister. She danced upon the earth with a frenzy, destroying all who threatened her sisters – unnecessary duplication? Page 35: thrust himself up from deep – might be - thrust himself up from the deep – or - thrust himself up from the depths Page 36: Jorestl - is this the correct name? Page 36: sea god – should be – Sea God [General comment] Page 36: SESHNA LIKITA is a daughter of Gata and Genert, and the land goddess of Ralios – not Seshnela? Suspect the allocation of Ralios has slipped from the entry about Ralia. Page 36: she is the mother Kanthor and Jorestl - should be - she is the mother of Kanthor and Jorestl Page 36: Storm god – should be Storm God [General comment] Page 36: Water gods – should be – Water Gods [General comment] Page 39: as well, if need be, - should be - as well, if need be. Page 39: need for aids in her work – might be - need for aid in her work Page 40: (herself a daughter of Larnste (Change, or Mobility Rune) and Harana Ilor (Harmony Rune)) – possibly these are intended as markers for actual Rune symbols? Page 40: God’s Age life – should be - Gods Age life Page 43: and is fearsome god of Love and War – possibly - and is the fearsome god of Love and War Page 43: Sun god – should be – Sun God [General comment, also sun god] Page 45: wielding the powers – might be - wielding their powers Page 46: Praxian animal nomads – should be - Praxian Animal Nomads Page 47: Storm gods – should be – Storm Gods [General comment] Page 47: Kolati – might be in italics [General comment, and also not always given a capital letter.] Page 48: placed aside his plough – should be – put aside his plough Page 48: the lock-bed on one of Orlanth’s sons – should be - the lock-bed of one of Orlanth’s sons Page 48: Urengerum the Archer – usually named as Sagittus? Page 48: Humakt idealizes the honorable intentions and beliefs of the Air Gods with a single-minded intention and direction – suggest - Humakt idealizes the honorable intentions and beliefs of the Air Gods with a single-minded purpose and direction Page 48: combatants noted – suggest – combatants recorded [note used just above] Page 49: engaged in a duel of skills as trial of innocence – might be - engaged in a duel of skills as a trial of innocence Page 49: and system snobbery – reads oddly. Possibly - and systemic snobbery or - and a system of snobbery Page 50: The constellation of ten yellow stars (prior to its three-year disappearance that began in 1621 and ended in 1624, it had seven yellow stars) – usually described as orange. Page 50: and ended in 1624 – The Coming Storm/The Eleven Lights has the Three New Stars appear in 1622 and follow the path of Orlanth’s Ring. This should be mentioned. Page 50: thus deserves – should be – thus deserve Page 51: Sh‘harkazeel – should be – Sh’harkazeel Page 51: utuma – should be in italics? [General comment] Page 51: He passed the region – should be - He passed through the region Page 51: Earth goddess – should be – Earth Goddess [General comment] Page 51/52: divine dialogue might be in italics? Page 55: Hofhadalos’s – to be consistent with usage elsewhere, should be - Hofhadalos’ Page 56: see you. “ - should be - see you." Page 57: Orlanth made his Vingkot the king – should be - Orlanth made his son Vingkot the king Page 57: Voriof the Shepherd – multiple uses of ‘is said’ – suggest is claimed and similar for variety RESUME at Page 58 Page 73: people have a faith, knowledged - might be - people have a faith, knowledge Page 74: a mischevious deity named Raven - should be - a mischievous deity named Raven Page 74: the dieties could impose upon history - should be - the deities could impose upon history Page 74: the mystjhs are full of tales - should be - the myths are full of tales Page 75: Such are the vaguaries of history - should be - Such are the vagaries of history Page 76: defense of Whiteall against the Lunar Empire - should be - defense of Whitewall against the Lunar Empire Page 77: Godtime - should be - God Time Page 79: landclearing farmers - should be - land-clearing farmers Page 80: Creasted Dragonewt - should be - Crested Dragonewt Page 81: active in human affairs onece again - should be - active in human affairs once again Page 81: Godtime - should be - God Time Page 82: Godtime - should be - God Time Page 83: Mostal siezed the immortal nail - should be - Mostal seized the immortal nail Page 86: Empire of the Wyrm’s Friends - should be - Empire of the Wyrms Friends Page 86: Godtime - should be - God Time Page 86: secretly overground - should be - secretly over-ground Page 87: which hithertofor had dwelt securely - should be - hitherto for Page 89: enlightment and experience - should be - enlightenment and experience Page 90: Dark Esroliawas thrown down - should be - Dark Esrolia was thrown down Page 93: birth of Nsalor - should be - birth of Nysalor Page 95: become the Destroyer he saught to eradicate - should be - become the Destroyer he sought to eradicate Page 112: ‘natural‘ - should be ‘natural’ Page 112: and honoured him - should be and honored him Page 112: was reknowened - should be - was renowned Page 113: passage north of Elzast - should be - passage north of Elz Ast Page 116: sometimes called Jillaro of the Prince’s Green - elsewhere given as Jillaro-of-the-Prince’s Green. Page 117: constructed a beautiful statue of the Sultaness - Satrapess? Page 118: been killed or driven out - should be - been killed or driven out. Page 120: Mad Sultinate - should be - Mad Sultanate Page 125: Godtime - should be - God Time Page 127: expanionist policies - should be expansionist policies Page 127: which had just occured - should be - which had just occurred Page 128: demigods interferred - should be demigods interfered Page 129: Syllila - should be - Sylila Page 129: Yanariao-ilart - should be - Yanoriao-ilart? Page 130: against this descrecration - should be - against this desecration Page 130: Gbjai Faces - should be Gbaji Faces Page 130: their own satisfication - should be - their own satisfaction Page 131: and the familes that have the rights - should be and the families that have the rights Page 131: outsife of Raibanth - should be - outside of Raibanth Page 132: Tharkalist familes - should be Tharkalist families Page 137: draconic indifference . - should be - draconic indifference. Page 137: hiding in their stronghomes - possibly strongholds? Page 138: Ironhoof was born at ths time - should be - Ironhoof was born at this time Page 140: Thus most Pentants - should be - Thus most Pentans Page 140: was adoped - should be - was adopted Page 141: This swordman returned - should be - This swordsman returned [Swordman is his name.] Page 141: turtleshell - possibly - turtle-shell Page 143: as a conquerer - should be - as a conqueror Page 144: Yaandros - should be - Yarandros Page 147: culsists - should be - cultists Page 147: Dainty princessess - should be - Dainty princesses Page 149: daughter of the the tragic couple - should be - daughter of the tragic couple Page 164: Each regiments of the Sartar Magical Union - should be - Each regiment of the Sartar Magical Union Page 164: The Sartar Magical Union was the most extraordinary innovation of Argrath’s - suggest - The Sartar Magical Union was Argrath's most extraordinary innovation Page 166: The Stormwalkers were a mixed band of men and demigods who live at the Old Wind Temple and are devoted to the storm god Orlanth - variations in tense.

You presume correctly. I've been delayed by looking at The Eleven Lights and something else.

Have been sending in comments on the Sourcebook (four pages of comments so far, after a skim and commencing a detailed read-through) but am uncertain if they are being received. Mostly typos.

I have heard in the past that they have sold Game Workshop items below cost price. Part of the strategy seems to be capturing custom to increase subsequent sales - which seems to work because Amazon is so useful, whether directly or by providing third party sales. A second hand bookshop owner I knew was driven to close his physical shop because with the overheads he couldn't compete with dealers on eBay and Amazon. A great shame, because perusing the stacks of books I often found things I didn't know I wanted! However, he also had to deal with thefts: once as I was at the desk about to pay he asked me to 'mind the store' as he raced after a shoplifter...

Superlative with the faceplate down. At least as good as an open helm with the faceplate up.

The Yelmalio Helm is fashioned from solid gold and is engraved with Solar symbols. Only a very few of these Golden Age artefacts exist. The faceplate depicts a handsome bearded man said to be Yelmalio himself. The faceplate slides up into the top of the helmet. These helmets offer superlative physical protection and are imbued with magical properties. The helm is heavily decorated, and the embossed detail would make it susceptible to catching the points of impaling weapons were it not so resilient. An ordinary full helm is shown for scale.

May be from the non-canonical Pavis Rises.

Moonbroth was garrisoned by the Empire, and was the religious center of Lunar Prax.

Four of the five Great Tribes have been virtually pushed out of Prax by the ascendance of the Sable Tribe due to their alliance with outsiders. The ownership of Prax is always unstable and subject to change as the tribes pushed out of Prax become lean and mean in the Wastelands, whilst those in Prax become soft in its relative wealth. In this instance the growth of the White Bull Society and events in Sartar result in disequilibrium as the Sables and their Lunar allies become weaker than their resurgent foes.

The Pavis Road is an unpaved Lunar military road, so during the Occupation it would be a source of wood - there are going to be few trade items from Pavis and surrounds worth the effort of taking back west (save for magical or historical artefacts from the Rubble), so having carried supplies to the garrisons, wagons might be broken up at Pavis and sold for a tidy profit... 'The caravan master says three wagons have been damaged en route, sir. It's the state of the road. He asks permission to sell them off.' 'Does he? We're losing too many. The Army can't afford this. Tell him to get them repaired.' 'Ah, sir. I forgot. Here's your cut from the last sale.' 'Thank you. Now are you sure it was only three wagons that should be listed as irreparable?'

They lived long fulfilled lives according to their caste. Until the lifting of the Ban, when suddenly the utopian system of Loskalm was confronted by a world that wasn't utopian, and in some areas, such as the Kingdom of War, a dark dystopia - Loskalm's own shadow returned.

Updated version: Lunar Full Moon Corps parade helmets altered to have seven spirals of 'hair' to emulate the Red Goddess. Dan Barker kindly pointed this out.

I proof-read it several times (and there's one very obvious typo I missed) but in this case, I thought the numbering was intentional: either due to a split entry or an intentional error. However, my opinion is in no way official.

Just posted some front views. These take a great deal more time to draw.... 8-]