Your Dumbest Theory

[davecake]

1 hour ago, John Biles said:

I am dubious that solar hero is Sheng Seleris because there's nothing to indicate he went to Kralorela

Sheng was ruler of Kralorela during his first life, from 1442 to 1460, and it makes sense he would return there. I get the impression Sheng cares more about Kralorela than Peloria, just hates Red Moon and badly underestimated the Red Emperor. 
 

1 hour ago, John Biles said:

and the Kralorelans *hate his guts*.

the Darudist central government does, and plenty of others I’m sure. But not everyone - in particular, much of Boshan province supported him. And I suspect he had many allies amongst the rural villages whose culture is more hsunchen descended, and opposition was concentrated in the Darudist cities. 

and I think there is an element to the narrative of the Exarchs etc being corrupted by Can Shu and the Ignorant cults, so Sheng may be seen by some as an incorruptible solar hero, come to liberate and to send the wicked to their just punishment. Obviously that would be a crazily optimistic view of Sheng, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be believed by some. 

 

[scott-martin]

14 minutes ago, davecake said:

and I think there is an element to the narrative of the Exarchs etc being corrupted by Can Shu and the Ignorant cults, so Sheng may be seen by some as an incorruptible solar hero, come to liberate and to send the wicked to their just punishment. Obviously that would be a crazily optimistic view of Sheng, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be believed by some. 

Love it. Whether they want to admit it or not, it's their hero wars too and all their old historical tensions are in play.

But hey! This is smart stuff. Where the dumb theories at?

What do I have in the files that hasn't been beaten into the ground already and won't get me beaten into the ground by the storm fundamentalists . . .  one (shamanic) strand of archaic Issaries came from the lost long-ear donkey people and now the breeding of mules is a cult secret? Teshnos was an active participant in the Bright Empire and that's when Alkor was replaced / illuminated? When Snodal went north he also traveled backward in time? I used to have so many truly dumb thoughts.

[Austin]

56 minutes ago, scott-martin said:

Where the dumb theories at?

If you read out "Argrath's Saga" from King of Sartar and record it as an audiobook, then reverse it, it matches up beat-for-beat with The Wizard of Oz. Which also matches up with Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon.

Coincidence? I THINK NOT.

[metcalph]

4 hours ago, John Biles said:

Can Shu and the Blood Son are connected to the Kingdom of Ignorance and Sheng reborn is focused on murdering Pelorians.  And Argath had no connection we know of to the Kingdom of Ignorance.

I'm halfway convinced that when the Cryptic Verses of the Yellow Calendar are warning about the Blood Sun, they really mean the Red Moon.  The last picture has Ralzakark dancing on a ziggurat beneath the Blood Sun which supports this.  In addition, the Blood Sun may have been the Red Moon back in the old days.

[davecake]

1 hour ago, scott-martin said:

This is smart stuff. Where the dumb theories at?

Oh yeah, right.

The Grotarons aka the Maidstone Archers, strong contenders for most ridiculous race in Glorantha, are said to worship the Sable-toothed mountain mammoth as the basis for their culture. But no one else has seen one, and magicians think it is some sort of spirit animal visible only to the Grotarons. 

My dumbest theory is that the sabre-toothed mountain mammoth is a species closely related to the Snuffleupagus. 

Edited June 24, 2020 by davecake

[John Biles]

40 minutes ago, davecake said:

Oh yeah, right.

The Grotarons aka the Maidstone Archers, strong contenders for most ridiculous race in Glorantha, are said to worship the Sable-toothed mountain mammoth as the basis for their culture. But no one else has seen one, and magicians think it is some sort of spirit animal visible only to the Grotarons. 

My dumbest theory is that the sabre-toothed mountain mammoth is a species closely related to the Snuffleupagus. 

You may remember from many years ago that someone did this 'Bert is Evil' page, which included a picture showing Bert talking to Osama Bin Laden that some foolish Jihadi *made into a flag*.

I'm now imagining Bert riding with Arkat (or possibly that Arkat IS Bert)

Also, reading about the Grotarons... wow, they are ludicrous.

They remind me of some of those lunatic creatures from old medieval texts about the rest of the world.  Which is probably deliberate.

[Akhôrahil]

4 hours ago, metcalph said:

I'm halfway convinced that when the Cryptic Verses of the Yellow Calendar are warning about the Blood Sun, they really mean the Red Moon. 

I always assumed that the Blood Sun had something to do with the Red Moon. Possibly the same thing, possibly after something happened to it - we see it with Ralzakark and the Monster Empire.

So, dumb theory time again: the Red Moon is the pupil of Tyram the Sky Tyrant.

[jajagappa]

7 hours ago, scott-martin said:

But hey! This is smart stuff. Where the dumb theories at?

Glorantha is the dream of Indlas Somer. When the endless wave that Indlas Somer rides washes ashore, it all comes to an end. Therefore, Indlas Somer = Ouroboros. 😉

6 hours ago, metcalph said:

I'm halfway convinced that when the Cryptic Verses of the Yellow Calendar are warning about the Blood Sun, they really mean the Red Moon.

Yep.

 

[Sir_Godspeed]

All of Belintar's achievements were up to pure dumb luck, he has no idea how any of this works.

[The God Learner]

1 hour ago, Sir_Godspeed said:

All of Belintar's achievements were up to pure dumb luck, he has no idea how any of this works.

A Master of Luck, then Death.

 

[Fedman Kassad]

9 hours ago, jajagappa said:

Glorantha is the dream of Indlas Somer. When the endless wave that Indlas Somer rides washes ashore, it all comes to an end. Therefore, Indlas Somer = Ouroboros. 😉

Yep.

 

Hold on...  Was there a write up about a Cult of Indlas Somer...  I seem to remember owning a magazine that had something like that...  Surfer Runelords and Bikini Priestesses...

[jajagappa]

56 minutes ago, Fedman Kassad said:

Hold on...  Was there a write up about a Cult of Indlas Somer...  I seem to remember owning a magazine that had something like that...  Surfer Runelords and Bikini Priestesses

👍

Different Worlds #16

[nabda]

14 hours ago, Akhôrahil said:

I always assumed that the Blood Sun had something to do with the Red Moon. Possibly the same thing, possibly after something happened to it - we see it with Ralzakark and the Monster Empire.

So, dumb theory time again: the Red Moon is the pupil of Tyram the Sky Tyrant.

Black Dragon Mountain Pictoglyphs - Glyph 28: "...Only the Red Moon remains in the sky, fed by sacrifices to the Blood Sun." seems to suggest they're one and the same too.

I have the idea that it truly becomes the Blood Sun because of a total solar eclipse, what makes it a sun god that trolls are willing to accept and worship is that the full brightness of the sun is blocked

 

Edited June 25, 2020 by nabda

[MOB]

On 6/17/2020 at 2:34 PM, Eff said:

The real cause of the Hero Wars, and indeed of all major crises of Glorantha (Gods War, Arkat Wars, whatever we call the assorted imperial collapses) is the increasing density of chain restaurants (Lokamayadon's Lokomokodonald's locations, spreading all over the Barbarian Belt, the Here and Now Dragons Faction proposing to emplace a Four Eyes Burgers and Fries across Dragon Pass, Prax, and Peloria to pin down the shape of the World Dragon, and let's not talk about the food crimes the Middle Sea Empire got up to...). The Geo's Inns were pushing it. The Moon Rock Cafe franchises tipped things over the edge. There is, associated with this, a Praxian legend called "Waha the Locavore"...

Don't forget the rowdy Esrolian chain Hangers, infamous for its scantily-clad male waiters. Come for the specials on 'Cock-fighting Clayday'.

Plus Red's Globster, the cheap and popular “all you can eat” buffet (provided you’re happy eating endless portions of vaguely fishy/squiddy-like material cut into various shapes then deep-fried or boiled). Proprietor Red is looking to expand his operations beyond Casino Town. But be warned, if you buy one of his franchise "starter kits", he'll send you a tightly-sealed lead bucket with detailed instructions. Do make sure you've dug out the deep pit at the back of your establishment and lined it with quick-lime exactly as instructed before opening the bucket! (And after his disastrously ill-fated attempt to cash in on the booming tourist trade at The Block, Red also advises to not base your new restaurant within 5 furlongs of any Storm Bull temple or other places Storm Bullies congregate...)

Edited June 25, 2020 by MOB

[John Biles]

1 hour ago, MOB said:

Don't forget the rowdy Esrolian chain Hangers, infamous for its scantily-clad male waiters. Come for the specials on 'Cock-fighting Clayday'.

Plus Red's Globster, the cheap and popular “all you can eat” buffet (provided you’re happy eating endless portions of vaguely fishy/squiddy-like material cut into various shapes then deep-fried or boiled). Proprietor Red is looking to expand his operations beyond Casino Town. But be warned, if you buy one of his franchise "starter kits", he'll send you a tightly-sealed lead bucket with detailed instructions. Do make sure you've dug out the deep pit at the back of your establishment and lined it with quick-lime exactly as instructed before opening the bucket! (And after his disastrously ill-fated attempt to cash in on the booming tourist trade at The Block, Red also advises to not base your new restaurant within 5 furlongs of any Storm Bull temple or other places Storm Bullies congregate...)

And the last remnant of the Stygian Empire:  Biscuit Baron, found all the way from Seshnela to Dragon Pass and Peloria, wherever Arkat's empire went.  Don't ask where the bacon is made or how.  Just enjoy it.

 

Edited June 25, 2020 by MOB

[MOB]

Just like many tik-tok teens all over the RW are avid followers of K-Pop, lots of youngsters across the Lunar Empire are, in effect, devoted and passionate lay members of the cults of Glamour and Jar Eel.

Edited June 25, 2020 by MOB

[Keith Nellist]

Here are some of mine: Ducks were created by Delecti, he did it to either protect or punish his followers. He made them ridiculous to humans as a joke. 

Grotarons were the servants of Vadrus, like butlers and cooks, maids and grooms. They were treated very badly, and once, when they complained about only having one pair of hands, Vadrus ripped their heads off and replaced them with a spare arm. The Maidstone Mountains are not really mountains but the ruins of the Castle of Vadrus  -  "Made of Stone". 

Lord Pavis created a new universe inside the Big Rubble - it was a mini universe and so far, follows the same trajectory as Glorantha, at an accelerated rate - Green Age, Golden Age, Storm Age, Darkness, Greater Darkness, Time. The Puzzle Canal is the Oceans in this mini-world, with each region in the maze corresponding to a zone in the Ocean (and the Seaslaver being similar to the Homeward Ocean) The "canals" are currents in the Oceans, and if they were properly understood would tell you about the doom currents in the "real" oceans. The "islands" correspond to the continents. 

Jaldon Toothmaker is Waha! He just uses a different name to get around the fact that the person legally known as "Waha!" was banned from raiding Dragon Pass by Varajiia Nopor. 

Good Shepherd is Eiritha's true love, Storm Bull and his cult plans to bring back the conditions of Genert's Garden. 

The only people in the Lunar Empire that qualify as Examiners in the Red Moon cult are actually descendants of the Red Emperor. There are thousands of them, but if you are not a descendant, then tough luck. The Lunar clan names all have a similar meaning "Eel", "Il", mean something like "descendant of the Red Emperor". 

There are no gods. They were all destroyed by Time. What gloranthans see as gods are just memories and some sort of collective subconcious. 

 

 

 

[Gregory M]

Glorantha is a bubble of Chaos in an infinity of Law.

[John Biles]

46 minutes ago, Keith Nellist said:

Jaldon Toothmaker is Waha! He just uses a different name to get around the fact that the person legally known as "Waha!" was banned from raiding Dragon Pass by Varajiia Nopor. 

 

I'm pretty sure Jaldon is Willy Wonka's father.

 

[John1000]

The entire Lunar Empire is nothing more than a very long con game by the Blue Moon Trolls on the hated Solar Types. Even after all these years, they still haven't got the joke. (As for the Chaos connection, Cave Trolls are chaotic, and the Red Goddess is almost as useful as a Cave Troll.)

The Dragonrise wasn't caused by either Kallyr or Argrath. The Dragon was simply woken up by all the noise generated by the building of the temple on it's head. 

[Yaldabaoth]

10 hours ago, MOB said:

Plus Red's Globster, the cheap and popular “all you can eat” buffet (provided you’re happy eating endless portions of vaguely fishy/squiddy-like material cut into various shapes then deep-fried or boiled). 

A complete ripoff/debasing of the Lead Robbster "All You Care To Devour" concept first developed by trolls and merfolk in Malusoll. I mean, yeah, it's just nets of random sea findings dumped on top of you, and the contents may fight you back... but the Shredder Bay Biscuits...?!

Speaking of trolls, they reason that they have not lifted the Curse of Kin is that they have been looking in the wrong place. The curse on Korasting has been mitigated for a long time (thus uzdo existing and trolls being able to bear uzko at all). Trolls have completely forgotten to look at male fertility. Uz males are still cursed, and they can "reinfect" females with the curse, which causes the cycle of female purification and trying again later after bearing enlo. Trolls are so gynocentric that this possibility has never been considered. However, when Harrek the Berzerk begins his wooing of Cragspider to breed his own Tusk Rider family.... "Careless Whisper" begins playing in the background

[Kloster]

3 hours ago, John1000 said:

The Dragonrise wasn't caused by either Kallyr or Argrath. The Dragon was simply woken up by all the noise generated by the building of the temple on it's head. 

This one is not dumb, just unlikely. But I can easily imagine a dragon that just wants to finish it's millennia long night and is awaken by tiny insects on it's head.

[Richard S.]

Argrath is not, or maybe was never, a real person. Rather, he is best compared to a force of nature - a storm, so to speak, unstoppable and unmerciful, a perfect agent for the cosmic order worse than Arkat himself. Argrath's end goals will be accomplished because they are not his own, they are the will of creation itself, or perhaps something beyond creation, something eternal and endlessly, cyclically, devouring itself to drive the wheel of history. Arkat may have betrayed humanity for the men of darkness, but they were still men. Argrath, though, betrayed humanity for something pre-human, or even, in a sense, pre-dark. Many may try to fight it, but in the end all we can do is hope the destroyer, the devil's devil, passes us by.

[jajagappa]

15 hours ago, MOB said:

Don't forget the rowdy Esrolian chain Hangers, infamous for its scantily-clad male waiters. Come for the specials on 'Cock-fighting Clayday'.

Plus Red's Globster, the cheap and popular “all you can eat” buffet

The trolls are outraged!  How can anyone overlook the #1 chain throughout Dragon Pass, and beyond!  Thunderbreath Gobbleguts, that is!  Where else do you find dwarfs and elves served?  Jellied herd-man!  Batter-fried pixies!  And, the ever popular trollkin burger!  (And nothing like a side of Ladyfingers to whet the appetite!)  And that's only the meals... generous mugs of ail, blear, whine, and Powzie! are all available.  And for those with a real thirst, you can get your favorite beverage served in a giant skull bowl (fully edible!).  

[Nevermet]

All I'm saying is that if you haven't tried Kaxtor's Fried Chicken, you haven't lived.