Your Dumbest Theory

[Sir_Godspeed]

I'm not sure if this has been mentioned before, but:


- The visible Earth Cube is a butt.

- The two major continents are the cheeks. 

- The Seas is the crack.

- Magasta's Pool is the, um, keyster.

- Gata's head is somewhere deep down rooting for divine clams or whatever. 

- Becausa Gata=Imarja=A Goose

 

Edited October 1, 2020 by Sir_Godspeed

[Borygon]

Heler is a bizzaro version of Lodril. They are both unpredictable, jolly wildman with penis imagery (Aroka as Helers) that work with liquids and have to work under a strong authority figure. One is a fallen sun the other is ascendent sea. Even their colors are opposite palette swap.

"Mhy" is the sound you make when you are thinking. Regional variants on Lhankor Mhy cults are Lhankor Uhm and Lhankor Yhym. This is also why Y is truth rune.

Remember that fire goddess traped in Balazar? Thats Yamsur.

[Nevermet]

8 hours ago, Borygon said:

Heler is a bizzaro version of Lodril. They are both unpredictable, jolly wildman with penis imagery (Aroka as Helers) that work with liquids and have to work under a strong authority figure. One is a fallen sun the other is ascendent sea. Even their colors are opposite palette swap.

 

Well, this helps explain why Maniria is likely screwed in its mythological landscape up.

[Akhôrahil]

The reason Illuminates are immune to spirits of reprisal is because those zoom in on subconscious, unavoidable feelings of shame and guilt, but Illuminates have succeeded in becoming completely shameless.

Edited August 14, 2020 by Akhôrahil

[John Biles]

The secret origin of Belintar is that he was Popeye the Sailor Man.

Cut off from spinach, he had to develop the Masters of Luck Tournament in order to periodically renew his strength.  

[Nevermet]

And here I thought Belintar was Thomas Covenant the Unbeliever.

 

......ok, yeah, I feel bad for that one.

[g33k]

1 hour ago, Nevermet said:

And here I thought Belintar was Thomas Covenant the Unbeliever...

I can believe that, I think.  If I squint *just*so* and tilt my head right.  🤣

 

1 hour ago, Nevermet said:

.....ok, yeah, I feel bad for that one.

Hmmmm.  Not sure I can believe that one, no matter how I squint...  😉

[John Biles]

1 hour ago, Nevermet said:

And here I thought Belintar was Thomas Covenant the Unbeliever.

Covenant would not want to rule the Holy Country.  Covenant would blunder around, having adventures, then eventually, he would laugh at Ralkazark until he died.

(With regard to the ongoing illumination thread, the end of the first Chronicles of Thomas Covenant is him achieving illumination.)

(Covenant would also point out to the Crimson Bat that if it doesn't kill whoever it's sent to kill *it doesn't have to go back*.)

(In fact, Covenant is a pretty good example of one mystical path to illumination. )

[Nevermet]

17 hours ago, g33k said:

Hmmmm.  Not sure I can believe that one, no matter how I squint...  😉

Yeah, well.... ya know

[Ali the Helering]

Soooo.. are the diokos ranyhyn???? 

[Leingod]

Less a "theory" and more a stupid headcanon: Your elemental rune affinity directly affects your comfort level for various temperatures and weather patterns, or at least some of them do, and this has directly impacted the cultures of people where certain runes predominate. The most extreme examples are Fire and Air, which are opposites in this regard. Or at least, they are as represented by Orlanth and Yelm; with the likes of Storm Bull or Yelmalio things are a bit different.

A strong Fire Rune affinity makes you very resistant to heat but very susceptible to cold; that's why Dara Happans insist on wearing so many layers at all times. When it's hot outside it doesn't really bother them, but many will start shivering and complaining that it's chilly and breaking out the winter gear as soon as it drops below 70°F/21°C.

A strong Air Rune affinity makes you cold-resistant but prone to overheating. That's the real reason Orlanth's worshipers love hills and mountains so much; they go higher up to try to cool off. By the same token, they start complaining that it's too damn hot today and start stripping down in anything higher than 75°F/24°C.

And that, my friends, is the real reason Ernalda chose Orlanth over Yelm(alio). The view is just so much nicer.

It's also a big part of why these two have never gotten along: Yelm sees Orlanth refusing to wear proper attire until it's literally freezing and thinks he's an immodest savage, while Orlanth sees Yelm mandating his stifling dress code no matter how sweltering it gets and brands him a prudish tyrant.

[scott-martin]

Lokarnos was a sun once in his native land reasonably well equipped to contend for the crown of heaven. He was a chariot god before they broke him. There were others.

[Qizilbashwoman]

13 hours ago, Leingod said:

Less a "theory" and more a stupid headcanon: Your elemental rune affinity directly affects your comfort level for various temperatures and weather patterns, or at least some of them do, and this has directly impacted the cultures of people where certain runes predominate. [...] A strong Fire Rune affinity makes you very resistant to heat but very susceptible to cold; that's why Dara Happans insist on wearing so many layers at all times. When it's hot outside it doesn't really bother them, but many will start shivering and complaining that it's chilly and breaking out the winter gear as soon as it drops below 70°F/21°C.

The entirety of the Dara Happan empire is located in Soviet Russia and the Eurasian Steppes tho; summer basically barely hits 70. There's a reason they once got covered entire by glaciers.

[jajagappa]

50 minutes ago, Qizilbashwoman said:

The entirety of the Dara Happan empire is located in Soviet Russia and the Eurasian Steppes tho; summer basically barely hits 70.

More like Upper Mississippi valley (with Yuthuppa on par with Minneapolis).  And in summer it does reach 90 there.  Only Elz Ast (equivalent to Duluth MN) is far enough (and along the White Sea) to get crappy summers.  Once you're off into the Redlands and Pent though, then yes, would be like Eurasian steppes.

[coffeemancer]

the uralda conspiracy is real and the orlanthi are but unwitting pawns to the cows

[Sir_Godspeed]

1 hour ago, coffeemancer said:

the uralda conspiracy is real and the orlanthi are but unwitting pawns to the cows

This just makes too much sense.

[soltakss]

On 9/17/2020 at 12:04 PM, Qizilbashwoman said:

The entirety of the Dara Happan empire is located in Soviet Russia and the Eurasian Steppes tho; summer basically barely hits 70.

I'm guessing that you have never been there. Summer in southern Russia regularly tops 40C or 100F, the steppes can be higher. And the steppes are covered in flies, or they were when I went to Sol Iletsk the first time, not so much the second time though. 

[Jape_Vicho]

1 hour ago, soltakss said:

I'm guessing that you have never been there. Summer in southern Russia regularly tops 40C or 100F, the steppes can be higher. And the steppes are covered in flies, or they were when I went to Sol Iletsk the first time, not so much the second time though. 

Worse than bullstitches! 

[Austin]

On 9/17/2020 at 6:58 AM, jajagappa said:

More like Upper Mississippi valley (with Yuthuppa on par with Minneapolis).  And in summer it does reach 90 there.  Only Elz Ast (equivalent to Duluth MN) is far enough (and along the White Sea) to get crappy summers.

Speaking as a Minnesotan, yep, accurate. My experience compared to when I lived on the east coast (and a few hundred miles further south) is that it's more that our summers are shorter, rather than more mild. Maybe by 5 or so degrees, but anything above 90 is still pretty beastly.

And then add humidity... Ugh.

[Joerg]

The island of Churanpur that fell down from the Sky in the Chaos Wars is Trowjang – never mind the God Learner maps, those are full of topographic errors or wild guesses. The demons from the sky were Shadzorings, and the amazons of Trowjang are their female offspring. The Shadzorings of Trowjang were obliterated to a demon in the Greater Darkness, and only their as demonic but human-shaped females remained. They lost their ability to take on antigod form around the same time the inhabitants of Alkoth did.

Maybe the Shadzorings already were an all-female people?

Edited September 21, 2020 by Joerg

[Scorus]

• All of Glorantha is controlled by an Eurmal cabal operating out of Apple Lane led by some guy named Rurik. Only Minaryth Blue can see through their Matrix-like illusions, using special sunglasses, and tell you what is really going on.
• Frodo was stabbed by the Nazgul on Stormwalk Mountain.
• The Durulz are the next evolutionary step for dragons. Duh!
• The movie "Life of Brian" is based on Elmal's life story.
• All Heroes gain the Mastery Rune, giving them the right to use Magasta's Pool as a waterslide.
• Temertain and Kallyr were just too stupid to check the propane tank.
• The Illusion and Truth runes are actually the same thing.
• The "southern continent" isn't really there.
• Nysalor and Gbaji were one and were killed by Arkat, who is now and forever dead, in Dorastor.

 

[metcalph]

A lacunae in the elemental scheme of things (Earth Reptiles, Water Fish etc) is the lack of anything biological corresponding to the Moon as an element.

But then it's occurred to me that we have two possibilities - amphibians and ferns.  

But! I hear you cry But! there's no obvious connection between those and the Red Moon.

That is so but there is also the Blue Moon and its association with tides makes the association a little more plausible and a little less insane.

That also makes the Newtlings associated with the moon which brilliantly puts this theory in the right thread.

[metcalph]

Pamalt's Rune - a new and non-phallic interpretation.

Pamalt's Spear Rune has bugged me ever since it appeared in Gods of Glorantha and I finally have an answer.

It's a variation of the Cosmic Pillar.  You can see the Cosmic Pillar in many places (Gods Wall - the staves behind the brothers Guide p671, Kralorela p262 etc and of course the Spike) but there's no actual Rune for it.  

So my theory was that in the Golden Age there all these holders (Genert etc) of the Cosmic Pillar with all sorts of runic variations but the Gods Wall wiped out most of them and only Pamalt survived with his take on things.  That's why Pamaltela recovered better from Chaos.

So who are the other holders?  Genert is obviously in the north.  And there's possibly also Mostal.  But a more interesting possibility is Malkion (not Makan) as being the God of the Cosmic Pillar in the West.

So who held it in the East?  I don't think it's Vith but Imad who is described as being a big mountain and being killed in Revealed Mythologies.  

 

 

[Jape_Vicho]

The blue guy in the cover is not Orlanth but Broyan leading the Army of Dead Heroes in Dantolfol (the same way that Jar-Eel becomes Sedenya in certain moments in PoS). All our beloved pre-gen adventurers have thus died in one of their numerous adventures, probably by a critical hit to the head.

[JonL]

The Sharp Abiding Book is so called because Rokar created it by using a Sharpie to redact all the passages in a complete Abiding Book he deemed suspect.